Thursday, December 29, 2011

New Title for KIM Jong Un

The North Korean Generals have changed KIM Jong Un's title, yet again. Click here. So...okay, now instead of "Great Suxccessor" KIM Jong Un is now called something else. Therefore...when President Obama comes to bow down and kiss KIM Jong Un's hand...or... "other" body parts...he should refer to him as the "SuperMe Reader". That is all.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Jed Clampett Attends Funeral of Great Reader KIM Jong IL

North Korea's Great Suxccessor, KIM Jong Un loves the Beverly Hillbillies LOOONG time!!! a final farewell salute to his father the Great Reader, KIM Jong IL...had him delivered to the gravesite in "Hillbilly Style". We now resume our normal programming.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

KIM Jong IL's Body Ready for Funeral

The Great Suxccessor, KIM Jong Un, son of Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, gives special thanks to the Pyongyang Taxidermy & Make Up Plant#7 for the bang-up job they did on his Father! See photo. Word has it that the Great Suxccessor will have the Hip-Hop Group, "LMF(DPRK)AO" perform their hit single, "I'm Sexy and I'm Nose it"... LOOONG Time!!! That is all. JG ;)

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Final Moments of KIM Jong IL a land far away...only hours ago...Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL's last moments on planet Earf are spent with his aide de camp, 7 star General Wang. Let's listen in...

WANG: Great Reader, Sir! Before you go...there is something the North Korean people must know!

KIM: I'm goner LOOONG time, General Wang!!! I'm nose it. I'm fading fast but I'm try to hangs in there for one last question befloor I'm kicks eternal bucket. What is question?

WANG: What title shall we give KIM Jong Un when he takes over, Sir?

KIM: WTF?! My son, KIM Jong Un takes charge???!!! Oh GREAT!!! That SUCKS!!! Frickin MESS!!! My life is OVER!!!

(KIM expires)

(General Wang dutifully writes in notebook, "Great Successor")

Author's note- And now you nose, the rest of the story. JG;)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Message to America from KIM Jong Un

"Lady GaGa must sings at mine father's funeral on December 28th, 2011...or else." -Fresh Prince of Hot Air (DPRK), KIM Jong Un

KIM Jong IL Dead LOOONG Time

KIM Jong UN to General Wang upon hearing the news of his Father's death:
"You wooden be boo-shittin' me would you???!!!"

According to the North Korean news Dear Leader KIM Jong IL is dead. He died from "overwork". Keeping that in mind, my lovely wife just informed me that I will "obviously " live to a ripe old age!

Friday, December 16, 2011

It's Friday Let's Dance and Shop!!!

My sisters are getting the same present this year! My Elder Sister Carol has already received her gift and my nephew has learned to feed it dust bunnies! So my little sister gets one too! I've incorporated their Christmas gift hints into this rewritten song, and along with it, the pains of Christmas expenses on a Norf Korean budget. I expect this to be an Amazon classic some I've ordered their gifts from Amazon. As always, let's keep our brave US Armed Forces in our prayers along with their families LOOONG time!!! It's Friday! Let's sing and dance to this version of "Rawhide" rewritten by yours truly, JihadGene!

Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum
Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum
Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum
Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum...ROOMBA!

I keep spendin' spendin' spendin'
Like my credit card was stolen
I'm afraid the wife is gonna have my hide!

Through pain and words and weather...
...hell, just whatever...
I hope that this Christmas...
She'll let me slide

All the things I'm a missin'
Common sense and her good kissin'
are waiting at the end of my (PayPal) ride

Move it on. Finish up. Gotta go! Don't cha know? My hide!
Move 'em out....gotta go...UPS don't ya know?
No one likes American Express...that blows!

Friday, December 9, 2011

It's Friday Let's Dance and Deploy

Today's Let's Dance is dedicated to #1) My lovely wife and #2) to our deployed troops. Man, if ever there was a homesick GI love song to his very special girl...this is it.! My wife (The Lovely Kim) has deployed to South Korea for our niece's wedding. A quick one week visit and then back to work. It's a Christmas present she has earned LOOONG time!!! My little dog's (Trouble's) knee is much better but...just the same... I'm gonna pick him up...and gently dance with him, to this beautiful song. God bless all of our troops and their families! Keep them all in your prayers and have a wonderful weekend people! I think I'm KIM Jong IL and I approve of this message LOOONG time!!!

Friday, December 2, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance!! Dog Gone It!!!

Got dogs? We do. They are a part of our family. My flying Shit-zoo (I know it's spelled differently), named "Trouble" is getting old, like me, and has blown out a knee. He has been on pain meds since Monday and dog-gone if he isn't doing much better and now may not need surgery, since he is a rather small dog. I sure hope so! Well, all of you critter people out there... and military dog handler types....pick up a pooch and dance because...after is Friday! God bless all our US Armed Forces and their families very LOOONG time and remember "Toys for Tots" while you're out Christmas shopping this weekend!!!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Black Friday

Meanwhile....overheard at a Walmart on Black Friday...

"Smell that?....Do you smell that???!!! I love the smell of pepper spray in the morning!"

(Why I shop online) JG ;)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

God has been so good to us...back here... at home. Lord, we thank you and pray that you continue to watch over our deployed troops, and the loved ones they had to leave behind, in order to serve our country. In Jesus name we pray this and thank you, Lord. Everyday. We thank you for these fine families. We can't thank you enough. -JG & Family 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A$$ Chewings

In past times, as a US Army Squad Leader (Sgt E-5), though never a Drill Sergeant, I issued ass chewings like one. LOUD ones! I do that to my teenage son as well, at times. In both cases, I cared about how they preformed. I loved my soldiers. And my son? Even more! I pray for him. ALWAYS! He needs to know this a teen... he acts like I he didn't hear it...or understand it...that is...the "WHYS" as to "WHY", I be issuing some righteous ASS CHEWINGS!...ones that a Drill Sergeant would be proud of! I did this same stuff to my Dad. Brushing him off as best I could. I know my son loves me, I just wish he wasn't so much like I was, at times. Thanks for hearing what was on my heart. JG

Friday, November 11, 2011

It's Veterans Day! Let's Dance!

It's Veterans Day! If I had to remind you of this...then kindly remind me to kick you, dead-square, in your back azimuth. I served with many Vietnam Veterans and once in a great while, I heard of their pain. Thank all veterans. Some really need that. ALL are deserving. God bless all our troops past and present!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Happy Birthday United States Marine Corps!

Happy birthday to the United States Marine Corps! Here's my favorite Marine, my Dad, with my Mom. Semper Fi to all our US Marines and their families LOOONG time!!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

English Lessons

As some of you may Korean nephew, Jae has been visiting with us since early September. I have been working with him on English (American Style) and he is a good student. His comprehension has vastly improved in only 8 weeks, thanks to my intensive training program! Thanks to me, he's learned how to catch a nice trout at 7,650 ft elevation while asleep on a rock! He has learned the joys of an In-n-Out burger Double Double and knows what "Animal Style" is all about! He knows how to use the word "bullshit" like a pro! Hell, it was only the other day that he told me that my BULLSHIT was BULLSHIT. Totally AWESOME! He sounded like a Raiders fan LOOONG time!!! And that's no BULLSHIT! This long visit of his has really turned into an exchange program of sorts. He has taught my lovely wife and I much about the iPhone4...texting...apps...and pretty much about life... as seen through his 25 year old eyes. Like our teenaged son, Jae is a fun kid (I'm so old, I can call him that!) who has been drafted and done his time, 2 years of active duty humping a radio, in the South Korean "ROK" Army. Jae is with us now until December, when he will return home, then resume college in February. I will miss him mightily and wish him all the best. the clock winds down and he's getting closer to that plane ride home... I'm beginning to worry. You see...I, as in "ME, MYSELF, and I"... have tutored him in American English according to MY conversational skills and idiotic idiot-syncrasies/cursing-quirks. Have you seen the Clint Eastwood movie "Gran Torino"? If so, you'll remember the barbershop conversations and understand. It's been pretty much like that, ya see. Let me give you a typical JihadGene English 101 Conversational Class that happened in our Mom-n-Pop clothing store, not more than 2 days ago:

GENE- Jae, you got a big-ass head, son!

JAE- I have a big head because I have a big brain, Uncle Gene.

GENE- So... you're saying you're very smart, are you?!

JAE- Yes , Uncle Gene. That's what I'm saying.

GENE- So? Well, so what?!...I've got a big ass! Does that make me some kind of a smart ass? (me chuckling to myself)

JAE- Well, Uncle Gene...judging by it's size, I would think you were Einstein. (expressionless)

GENE- OMG! I've created a monster!

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's Don't Fake it Friday! Let's Dance!

Today is "National Don't Fake it Day" ??? Well, I don't claim to be "The Godfather"...or more appropriately..."The Cannon Fodder" of RUV for nothing... but... after all this time, all these years, with my lovely wife, love is not faked. No way. There is a "horny of copia" aplenty out there...but love, when genuine, is beautiful! My wife taught me this. And for this, I am ever amazed and forever grateful! For all she is... and for all she does, I give heartfelt thanks. It's Friday folks, let's dance slow with the one you love, or...with a picture of the one you love. God bless all of our troops and their families a very looong time. It's Friday, let's dance. Let's dance slow. JG ;)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Too Old for Halloween

Damn, I'm old! I dressed up for Halloween as President Obama but everyone thought I was Redd Foxx. JG;)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween with the Obamas

Meanwhile, back at the White House...

OBAMA: Say Dear, what are we handing out to the kids for Halloween?

MICHELLE: I found some expired yogurt drinks in the Lincoln bedroom.

OBAMA: That'll work! We got any left over candy-corn from last year?

MICHELLE: I don't think so. Honey, call the press. I'll go to Target!

Friday, October 28, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with the Indians!

Well, not only is it Friday, but soon it will be Halloween! Monday, I will put on my Elvis glasses, comb my hair into a pompadour, put on an olive drab suit, some blue suede platform shoes...and I will be Great Reader KIM Jong IL, Dicktater of Norf Korea! Awww...hell, who am I kidding? I dress like that all the time. So this Halloween, what with the economy and all, you can make it simple. Just wear a black mask and you can be anyone you want to be! Please have a wonderful weekend and remember our troops, and their families in your prayers! As we say in North India, "Jaan Pehechaan Ho, LOOONG time!!!"

Friday, October 21, 2011

It Takes 2 Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Well, not only is it a Friday but tomorrow is our wedding anniversary! There's no one I'd rather be in RUV with LOOONG time!!! Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of you involved with the US Armed Forces who are missing someone due to deployment. Duty. Honor. Country...and devotion to your spouse. God bless you all a very LOOONG time!!! Have a great weekend, from JG and the lovely Kim! It takes two!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

US Army Recruiter Catches Purse Snatcher

Sorry this happened in my own home town, but I am so very glad LOOONG time that we have US Army Staff Sergeant (E-6) Jason Pruitt here in Hanford, California on recruiting duty! It seems some bone-headed pudgy 18 year old decided he would snatch a ladies purse. The lady yelled for help as the suspect/shithead was grabbing it. Fortunately SSG Pruitt heard her plea and chased the teenager/dirtbag, who was heading past the recruiter's office. SSG Pruitt subdued the criminal and held him for police who took the would-be purse snatcher to jail. I love stories with a happy ending! Especially ones with real heroes! An old recruiting slogan in the 1980's was "There's something about a soldier". Yes there is! And it's something very good! Hanford Sentinel newspaper story HERE.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

One of Two Possibilities

Either the Big Fresno (County) Fair has opened or my Congressman is back in town!

Friday, October 14, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with The Knight Caps

Friday....again??? Already???!!! Oh yes-yes-YES!!! My friend, Kanani Fong...over at The Kitchen Dispatch, indirectly reminded me of this song! She got a job as a TEMP! Well...since her HUB's is Army...what better way than to salute and dance to our troops and their families than to have the 2011 West Point "Knight Caps" do our dance tune LOOONG time!!! God bless our US Armed Forces and their families. Keep 'em in your prayers! Funny how prayer works....when I pray good for others it usually comes right back at me. Good begets good...truly! Have a great weekend LOOONG time!!! JG ;)

Friday, October 7, 2011

It's a Napoleon Dynamite Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Friday? ALREADY?! Where does the time fly LOOONG time??? Lately, I'm hooked on me some Napoleon Dynamite. So, all of you Kip Dynamite's and Lafawnda's out there...let's do it...let's dance with "Mohammed Dynamite" because it's a Friday! As ALWAYS, make sure that you keep our most awesome US ARMED FORCES and their FAMILIES in your prayers very LOOONG time!!!

Friday, September 30, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Great Reader KIM Jong IL!!!

OMK (oh my kimchi)'s Friday already???!!! Since my nephew, Jae, is a R.O.K. Army Veteran, visiting with us, I chose the popular South Korean girls group called "Generation In" to sing their hit song "GEE" for all you Norf Koreans and KIM Jong IL's out there! While we're dancing don't forget to keep our wonderful US Armed Forces and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Have a great weekend everybody...and... because it's a Friday...LET'S DANCE!!!

Friday, September 23, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Great Reader KIM Jong IL!!!

Caltech Girl sent me today's "Let's Dance" video via faceliftedbook! So get up off of your rice-eating money-makers and dance with sexy DPRK sword weilding girls and Norf Korea's KIM Jong IL...because it's Friday people!! As always, keep our awesome US Forces and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Have a wonderful weekend!

Monday, September 12, 2011

KIM Jong IL Interprets Dream

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL conversing with a troubled General Wang.

KIM: General Wang...what's-a-matta for you?! Why you looks so troubled?

WANG: Sir, I keep having dreams of tornadoes! Over and over again! Horrible howling winds! I can't get a decent nights sleep, Great One. I wish I could have my tornado dreams interpreted so I could understand what's going on with me.

KIM: I can do easy, General Wang.

WANG: You can interpret my tornado dreams, Great Reader?!

KIM: Sure ting! In fack your dream is very common LOOONG time!!!

WANG: Really??? So what's it all mean?

KIM: It cans means own-ree one of two tings, General Wang!

WANG: And that is???...

KIM: Well...

Numba 1: Your wife needs to change bag in her Hoovers "Wind Tunnel" vacuums cleaner

...or that...

Numba 2: You have been watching way too many Obama "Jobs Bill" speeches!


WANG: I feel better already, Great Reader!

KIM: Laughter is best medicine LOOONG time, General Wang.


Sunday, September 11, 2011


Some stuff I wish I could forget... but know I can't...nor should I. God bless all of our troops and friends in the continued War on Terror. Sorry if I offended any democrats out there by saying "WAR ON TERROR". Fly the flag. Pray for the families of our heros lost on 9-11-01, our troops on active duty, and their loved ones. God bless America.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

No Hurricane In Central California

Hope all you folks on the east coast are safe and doing well. It's a Saturday morning here in Central California, somewhere north of the DMZ of Bakersfield. Right now my teenager is probably praying. Praying for hurricane Irene to make landfall in the Fresno area. That way he won't have to mow the lawn. But he's dealing with a Dad! A Dad who was trained by the best! My trainer (and Dad) was a WWII Marine. So... "come hell or high water" (hurricanes too) ...the lawn will be mowed! I'm a Dad. It's what we Dad's do. I also tend to go KIM Jong IL when shit doesn't get done. Have a great weekend LOOONG time and keep all our troops and their families in your prayers!!! JG ;)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Friday, August 5, 2011

KIM Jong IL Reviews You Tube Vido

Meanwhile...somewhere north of South Korea's DMZ we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL wasting time, watching crap on You Tube.

KIM: Oh that's a good one LOOONG time!!! General Wang! Come here!

WANG: Yes, Great Reader Sir!?

KIM: Take looks at this Tube of You video, of funny Aflac-can American!

(together WANG and KIM view video)

WANG: Say Great Reader, that's really funny! He should do one about the US Government! Say, like..."Jones' Big Ass Government & 401K Stock Market Academy".

KIM: BWAHAhahahahahahaha!!! Good ones, General Wang but a brother from Hawaii already beat him to it!

KIM & WANG: ROR LOOONG TIME!!! (Raff Out Roud)

(Big hat Tip to BlackFive's Matt Burden for this Video and inspiration!!!)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

KIM Jong IL Says Happy Birthday Mr President

Meanwhile somewhere north of South Korea's 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL hearing the latest news about the New York stock exchange from 7 star General Wang of The People's Gloriously Starving Army.

KIM- Stock market going bellies up, LOOONG time!!! Read that to me again, General Wang...whats Obama, said.

WANG- He said...

"The stock market is crashing and right after I fixed our budget woes! This is bad news for our young people on welfare...those who need a nest-egg for their unemployed futures! And just as I was planning on making stock ownership a right! Those damn terrorist Republicans are wee-weeing up my birthday bash!"


Friday, June 10, 2011

It's Friday! Don't be a Dick! Let's Dance!!!

It's Friday? Already?! Cool! With gas prices so high, I've been thinking of getting a "bike" again. My wife, the lovely Kim, thinks I should get a bicycle. Oh well, with all these things on my mind, plus all the "junk" on Twitter, it's only natural I would pick this song for today's dance tune. Fittingly it includes Pee Wee Herman. Please keep our troops and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Come on people! It's Friday! Let's dance!!!

"I am not a crook or A. Weiner. I'm a Dick." -Richard Nixon

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Greetings from A Weiner

I sincerely hope you are all having a great day! I would say more but I have a very busy day planned and I must Tweet some junk.

Friday, June 3, 2011

It's Friday! Don't be a Weiner! Let's Dance!!!

It's Friday, folks!!! So don't be a weiner because it's time to stop tweeting your favorite Democrat Congressman from New York and dance with our brave "members" of the armed forces "LOOONG" time!!! I won't ask how your week please don't tell! Have a wonderful weekend and keep those flags a flying, the packages coming, and prayers a sending, to and for, the greatest folks in the world...our US Armed Forces! God bless all our troops and their families LOOONG time!!! It's Friday! Let's dance!!!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

JihadGene on Women In and Out of Uniform

Last week I saw some e-chatter on the Whirl Why Web with some biker-patriot-guy-vet who was pissing and moaning about this year's local Memorial Day wreath laying ceremony, for it's being dedicated to women in uniform. What he had to say was not nice and that, because of this, he said he would not attend. Well? To him, we can sing an Old Army Hymn...
Let's was back in 1985 that I was a Military Police squad leader in what was then W. Germany, with a squad consisting of 8 females and 7 males. Yeah, they kept me busy...but some of those gals had more heart and bigger balls than some of the men. And out-shoot 'em too!
Well, no shit. So anyways I want to play ya'll a little song. A song called "Mama was a Working Man".
This song I dedicate to all the women in uniform and the wives who have to "hold down the fort" while their hubby is deployed. God bless you ladies, a very LOOONG time!!!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Memorial Day 2011

My Blog friend Joated posted this on Facebook:
"There is discipline in a soldier, you can see it when they walk. There is pride in a soldier, you can hear it when they talk. There is courage in a soldier you can see it in their eyes. There is loyalty in a soldier, they will never compromise. A soldier isn't a title that any one can be, these special people are chosen to protect you and me."

How very true! Occasionally we have a "service member" enter our Mom & Pop clothing store and in about a minute or less, I will ask them, "Are you in the military?". They react rather surprised and ask me, "How did you know?". I just smile and look at them, as a little light bulb goes off in their head. Then they say, "You were in the military too! Weren't ya?" I shake my head yes. We share a knowing smile.

God bless all of our US Armed Forces and their families a very LOOONG time!!! Now get out there and enjoy your freedom but be sure to honor those who earned it for you and I. HOOAH!!!

This post is dedicated to the fun West German memories of my assistant squad leader, SGT Virgil L. "Bert" Robertson Jr, 101st MP Company, 101st Airborne (Air Assault) who died in an air crash along with 247 other 101st Abn Division soldiers at Gander, Newfoundland 12 Dec 1985. FIDO, Bert!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Friday, May 13, 2011

Friday the 13th My A$$ Let's Dance!!!

Okay you maggoty infested Americans, listen up!!! I am Great Reader KIM Jong IL and I am plissed-off LOOONG time at BLOGGER for their Friday the 13th screw up! I've dlunk more coffee this morning...enuff to fill the entire Yahoo Liver (Yalu River) and the Chosin where it's frozen! Be warned: THIS VIDEO HAS BAD SOLDIER TALK AND IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR JEHOVAH's WITNESSES!!! I'm feeling more bombed than Moammar Gadhafi right now. See this video and wait for the song at the end to dance. Learn to make coffee in Afghanisland and remember that KIM Jong IL RUVS you, our US Troops, and their families... a very LOOONG time!!! KJI & JG ;)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Operation Geronimo the Sequel

Meanwhile somewhere in the White House we find current CIA Director, Leon Panetta alerting President Obama of an upcoming and top secret Naval SEAL Team assault...

PANETTA: Mr President! He's at it again, Sir!


PANETTA: No. I only wish it was... it's Joe Biden, Sir!

OBAMA: He's awake?! What's he done now?

PANETTA: He's alerted Navy Seal Team 6 to standby for an immediate mission and has the USS Nimitz standing by for a funeral detail!!!

OBAMA: What the....???

PANETTA: He's calling it Operation Gary's Owed One, Sir!

OBAMA: Gary's owed one??? Say, isn't that that song George Armstrong Washington of the 777th Cavalry ordered played while slaughtering millions of innocent Cincinnati Red Skins fans, at the Battle of the Little Big Buldge, over in Texas?

PANETTA: No. You are thinking of Garry Owen, Sir.

OBAMA: Well, what is this Operation Gary's Owed One, anyway?

PANETTA: Sir, it's a plan to snatch the still unburied body of actor Gary Coleman, and give him a proper "Hollywood Style" midget-actor burial at sea.

OBAMA: Damn, I KNEW IT!!! I just knew it!

PANETTA: Knew what, Sir?

OBAMA: That I should have used the powers of my presidency to help out Michael Jackson.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Why Hillary is Gasping

OBAMA: Listen up, Hillary. If anything goes wrong on this Bin Laden raid... I'm giving you full credit. Just like Libya. Got that?


BIDEN: Operation Geronimo, my ass! I need some Geritol and a nap.

Friday, May 6, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Mrs Bin Laden!!!

Meanwhile in a Pakistan hospital, nursing a leg wound, we find Mrs Osama Bin Laden being interviewed by Al Jazerra...

REPORTER: So what are your plans now, Mrs Bin Laden?

MRS OBL: My plans? Well, what with not having to worry about things getting all blown up and shit, I guess... I could get some nice furniture...perhaps a new dress? Maybe even go out to a nightclub?!


HELL of a week! Hope yours was a good one! It's a Friday, people... so get up off of your money-maker's and let's dance with Mrs Bin Laden!! God bless all of our troops and their families LOOONG time!!! USA! USA! USA!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Happy Cinco de Cerveza!

Happy Cinco de Corona...or Cinco de Whatever!

A Song Request from Navy SEAL Team 6

Hello there! This is KIM "Jong IL" Kasem with a song DEADication froms Navy SEAL Team #6 going out to a wounded Mrs Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan! The SEALS have requested that I'm playz a HIT number done by The Black Eyed Peas! So just for her and her late husband's followers we enjoy together (with Korean dancing gurls!) the song "BOOM-BOOM, Pow!"

Have a good day LOOONG time!!! ;) JG

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Jihad, Motorcycles, Wives, and Seal Teams

So last night, I told my lovely cute Norf Korean Minister of Finance...that I again wanted to buy a motorcycle. She thought for about a whole one half of one second then proceeded to remind me of my jaded motorcycling past. She recalled that I had committed jihad (code for crashed) on my old motorcycle in 2002, 2005....and yet again...only one week later, in 2005. I replied that I sure would like to have I gave her my world famous "sweetest smile". :) She said nothing...but she gave me "the look". You know the look I'm talking about? Yes. That one. The look that tells you she is seriously considering giving NAVY SEAL TEAM#6 "the green light" to take your heathen motorcycle-wanting-ass out. Awww crap. My wife has the sweetest Korean face in the world, but being a Korean... stuff can go south or turn North Korean on you in a ramen minute. Ride safe!

Friday, April 29, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

It's Friday and I just ain't feeling it. Maybe it has something to do with all the bad weather everyone is experiencing...or just bad karma...or maybe because I am wishing I was HERE. Well, it is what it is... so regardless, keep those brave troops of ours and their families in your prayers and dance through life's minefields with a smile on your face! I need me a Sprite LOOONG time!!! It's no secret that Koreans ruv Sprite. Happy weekend everyone!

Friday, April 22, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Our Troops!!!

It's a Friday and it's been a rough week, for some, for sure. This week I sent a wounded Marine a rubber chicken and some shirts. He is on my mind. Hold all our troops and their families up in prayer please. Make it a regular part of your life. God IS good! Happy Friday and Happy Easter and remember that God and Great Reader RUV you very LOOONG time, so put on a wonderful smile and's Friday!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

KIM Jong IL I Had a Dream

Meanwhile somewhere north of the tunnels on the DMZ, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, afraid to go to sleep.

KIM: AWWW... WHOLEY HORSE KWAP!!! General Wang! Come here!

WANG: What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: I'm can'ts sleep! I'm keeps having these bad dweams.

WANG: Dreams? What kind of dreams, Great Reader?

KIM: Like I'm Joe Biden's wife and I'm haves to wake him up for work.

WANG: That's bad, Sir.

KIM: That's nuffing. Then I'm had dream I'm a pilot whose plane is going down in flames and Joe Biden is in the controls tower!

WANG: That's bad, alright.

KIM: Then I'm had this dream that I was Joe Biden and I was in Lost Vegas, trying to get into a Sleep Number Store. But then, all the beds were taken up by a bunch of drunks from the Air Traffic Controller's Convention.

WANG: Oh my!

KIM: Then I'm had this weird dream that I'm was not a Norf Korean at all... but, that I was from India.
(Kim looks in mirror sees big red circle in middle of forehead)
Oh mine Gawd!!! It's twoo! I'm Indian!

WANG: Relax, Sir. You are not Indian. I believe you feel asleep on you wrist watch and that left the mark on your face.

KIM: Call for me nurse, preeze.

WANG: Thorazine, Sir?

KIM: Yeah. Have her make it a double.

WANG: On the rocks, with a little umbrella?

KIM: Roger that.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Rest in Peace Tim Hetherington

A sad situation. Movie director and photographer, Tim Hetherington, was killed while filming in Libya. Some blog friends of mine knew Mr Hetherington personally, from the movie "Restrepo", a documentary about a platoon of 173rd Airborne Brigade Sky Soldiers on a combat tour in Afghanistan. You should see the movie if you haven't. I know Mr Hetherington did great work and I heard he was a wonderful guy. Our prayers go out to all who loved him and to those whose lives he most certainly touched. News story HERE.

KIM Jong IL and a Game of Charades

Meanwhile somewhere north of the Samsung-Starvation Line (38th Parallel) we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL playing a game of charades with 7 star General Wang.

KIM: Oklay, General Wang...whom am I?.... ZZZzzz... (pretends to sleep)

WANG: You're a North American air traffic controller!

KIM: (opens one eye) You're getting warm... but look closely!

WANG: (stares at Kim's face) I see it! I see it! I see the drool!! You are Joe Biden!!!

KIM: Blingo!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Obama Fixes Air Traffic and Unemployment

Meanwhile...somewhere north of Munsan, South Korea, we find Great Reader, KIM Jong IL once again in front of the television set.

KIM: Turn on the Shee-N-N news channel, General Wang. President Obamama is going to give speech!

WANG: Very good, Sir.

TV: My fellow Americans, as you all know...thanks to George W. Bush, these are tough times...both for the Federal Aviation Administration's air traffic controllers and our nation...due to the rate of high unemployment. It is because of these factors, that I have paired up with Air Traffic Control Czar, Joe Biden, in an effort to fix it. So...beginning tonight, I have instructed Joe to personally give on-the-job air traffic control training to former employees of the bankrupt Blockbuster Video stores! These are full-time, shovel-ready graveyard shift jobs, located in airport towers all across our less than great country. It's a win-win for the American people and makers of portable DVD players! Thank you, and now, I must go on a vacation.

KIM: (stands up, points to TV while trying to hold a straight face) That's a leader right there!!!

KIM & WANG: BWAHAHAHAhahahaaa!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

KIM Jong IL Approves Obama Decision

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL watching Shee-N-N breaking news on his Philco 19 inch, Super-Derux, brack and white, portable television set.

TV: Breaking news! Due to numerous concerns over airport personnel asleep on the job, President Obama has announced today that the newly formed position of Air Traffic Control Czar will be filled by Vice President Joe Biden...

KIM: BWAHAhahahahaaa!!!

TV: In other related news stories...air traffic controllers are requesting scheduled naps during work, based upon the "Biden Work Ethic". All calls to VP Joe Biden's office for comment were left unanswered.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Why Joe Biden is Tired

Why are you always so damned tired, Joe?

Hold on big guy! Before you unload on me, just hear me out. Ya see...what with the high cost of fuel and all...I have to supplement my vice presidential income I took on another job.

Another job, Joe?! Really...what?

I work nights in Reno as an air traffic controller.

KIM Jong IL and Perfect Pairs

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, firmly ensconced in his Lazy Homeboy Recliner watching President Obama's latest budget balancing speech on CNN.

KIM: What?! How dares him! Who would dares sleep during President Oblama's speech?! General Wang, come here!

WANG: Here, Great Reader! What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: (points at TV) Who in the bells of hell is that???!!!

WANG: Why...Sir, that is the USA's Vice President....Joe Biden.

KIM: Joe Buy-dung? Oh, that's right. He's that big foo-king deal, guy!

WANG: You got it, Sir!

KIM: Yes, I'm do! Say...Wang...who be that old chick that's asleep behind him?

WANG: (looking closely) I'm not sure on that one, Sir.

KIM: Hmmm...Must be a match he found on eHarmony!!!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Obama Shocks 'n Awes KIM Jong IL

Meanwhile, somewhere way out west of the west coast and north of the South Koreans, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL reflecting on the latest news out of Washington DC...

KIM: General Wang, are you sure this is true?

WANG: It's been verified, Great Reader Sir!

KIM: So, let's me see if I'm halves this right.... Michelin Obamamama is showing her support for the troops families commencing on April 13th with the Military Families Initiative? Just days after her husbbsband, Baawack Whosenamed Obama, threatens not to pay the troops?! How can that be???!!!

WANG: There's really no explaining it, Sir. It is what it is.

KIM: Wang, hand me my Ytunes M3P player. I wants to listen to some A-Shee Dee-Shee.

WANG: AC/DC, Sir? What song?

KIM: "I've Got Big Balls", of course!

WANG: Of course, Sir.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Great Reader's Newest Fan Follower

KIM Jong IL-Great Reader-JihadGene proudly welcomes a new blog follower! Her...or "IT's" sign/alias... is Hair style designer. What a frickin XXX rated gay joker looong time!!! How do you get a follower off your follower's list? Oh, and...have a great weekend everyone!!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

It's Friday Let's Pray

There's been a heavy case of spiritual warfare going on out my way. How about you? I really had to push 'n pray through, this week...but I made it. Sometimes you've got to gut it out but you don't have to do it alone. Psalm 121 reminded me of that . Out here in Central California, it's been sad. We mourn the loss of two US naval aviators (pilot & weapons system officer) when their F-18F Super Hornet went down near NAS Lemoore on Wednesday. Our prayers go out to their shipmates, friends, and families. These Navy folks are a wonderful addition to our churches, schools, and nearby communities. We are thankful for them and all they bring. God bless all our troops and their families a very long, long time. Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

God, KIM Jong IL and Glenn Beck

Meanwhile somewhere in a make-believer's little brown church, in Norf Korea, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL on his knees...

KIM: Deer Father in heaven... preeze hear my prayers. Floorgive me of mine sins and helps me out, here.

GOD: What's on your mind, you HEATHEN ?

KIM: JihadGene is a conservative who hates Glenn Beck. Won't Gene goes to hell for that looong time?!

GOD: No.

KIM: Tanks, Lord! mores question, Lord?

GOD: Fire away.

KIM: Am I'm going to hell, Lord?

GOD: Well, it depends.

KIM: Dee-plends, Lord?

GOD: Let me put it this do you feel about watching the 700 Club co-hosted by Pat Robertson and Glenn Beck, for all eternity?

KIM: Crap!!!

GOD: I'm leaving now. You can get up off your knees.

KIM: I'm standing stwaight up, Lord.

GOD: My bad.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

JihadGene works on Part 20!

Friends: Even though I haven't written a "Love American vs Korean Style" since 2009, in the next week or two, I will continue to write about the RUV of my life (my wife, AKA: The lovely Kim) and our travels through the international web of love and marriage. It was rather funny but not exactly easy. Installment #19 was my last post way back in 2009 and I vow to great-reader's you... that I will continue to tell all! Admittedly, some... and at times much of this, is B.S. sprinkled with about 65% truth. If you are new here please go back to read some of the earlier parts of this G.I.'s tale of love at first sight. This is me, JihadGene, as an old guy taking a look back at himself...and love...and raffing out roud! I can't help but come off sounding like Steinbeck writing about Cannery Row, as I write about the 1975 Republic of South Korea. Korea, in 1975 was a smell, a sound, a silence, and a strange sight to this 20 year old Californian. Looking back gives me great happiness and brings it all back again. It's a joy and a happiness that surrounds me, and reminds me of what is important in life...and what really does matter. I hope it comes across, in that way, for you. Have a wonderful weekend...wherever you are... all means...keep our awesome troops and their families in your prayers a very LOOONG time!!! JG ;)

Friday, April 1, 2011

Why I RUV April Fool's Day

Love American VS Korean Style #19

If you joined us late in this epic tale of love and comedic tragedy then get up to speed by reading previous installments of "Love American VS Korean Style...
In Part 1- I met the girl I would marry. Her name is Kim and RUV is in the air!!!
In Part 2- Spent all my money on a MASTER PLAN to set up a birthday party that would put me with Kim.
In Part 3- Stupid master plan FAILS!Kim gets puked on by drunk Birthday Boy. Kim leaves. I am miserable.
In Part 4- Korean Grandmothers (Shaman) take pity on me. We Kamikaze in a taxi to Kim's. Grandma's sitting on my lap crushing my huevos. I may never have children.
In Part 5- I survive the taxi ride. The Grandmothers tell me they will fix all. I must return to base. I can't beat the midnight curfew but I damn sure try.
In Part 6- Suicide ride on a bus bumper. Crash. Injuries and more. Concussion too! Police chase! Escape & Evade!
In Part 7- Climb a telephone pole. Steal a bike with one wheel. Make my Great Escape!
In Part 8- Ride bike into a Banjo-Ditch (sewage). Another concussion and a laceration on the forehead. I crawl out and am captured by the ROK Army, then returned to base.
In Part 9- Got stitches/medical treatment at 0130 hours. Later that AM, a meeting with Military Police 1SG Black Thunder Johnson. Made an Ambassador to South Korea. Run to Motor Pool for a jeep.
In Part 10- Bicycle recovered. I fall into the banjo ditch. 1SG YOON/1SG Johnson/Me and the Korean Grandfather have a Pow-wow. Intercultural relations rebuilt! Valuable lessons learned.
In Part 11- The First Sergeants have a meeting. I am cleaned up at a ROK Army wash point. We go to Kim's. I am OBAMA, to the Korean OPRAH's (Grandmothers). I SEE KIM! We are returning to base.
In Part 12- I return to Camp with the First Sergeant's, jeep, and bicycle. My squad members, the house boys, and I/we all ponder MY fate. We break for chow (lunch). I opt for a nap and am awoken by my Squad leader SSG OLY. Intro to Staff Sergeant Oly (The Big "O") and the infamous Three Beeps! Time has come...I head for the orderly room.
In Part 13- I report to the orderly room. My fate is suspended until the next day when I must report back to the First Sergeant with my Squad Leader. I am re-directed to the unit supply room and meet Sergeant James Wheeler.
In Part 14- Learn about ambassadorship, love of life, Korean orphanages, and about giving from the US Army's Santa Claus, Sergeant Jimmy Wheeler.
In Part 15- I was to meet my fate. But what was it? I was reassigned and given a "Special Assignment". But what was it? I didn't know.
In Part 16- My "Special Assignment" was to ride shotgun on the trash truck going through our Army base. I banged my head on the truck's handrail and limply fell to the ground. With Kotex applied to my forehead I was taken to the Evac Hospital and returned to my unit. I am a cross between Elvis, Audie Murphy, Evel Knievel, Sad Sack, Ralph Kramden, and a crash test dummy.
In Part 17- I meet with The Iron Empress of Korea and her man, Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. A date with my KIM...the love of my life, is arranged.
In Part 18- I wait at the main gate to meet Kim and the LeDew's to taxi over to some park on our 1st date. I worry. Taxi is late, I think. What the heck happened to her?

So anyways... there I was at Gate#1. Camp Hialeah, in the Republic of Korea, April Fool's Day (April 1st) 1975. I have been waiting for my lovely Kim to arrive at the gate for our first official date. I was sooo excited! I was at the gate an hour and 15 minutes early. All these horrible thoughts raced through my mind like...Kim killed in a fiery car crash when coming to meet me...or that Kim was really a beautiful North Korean spy sent to break my heart and find out all the top secrets of the US Army's M151A1 (jeep)...or was this all some silly dream, one in which I would wake up in a United States full of illegal aliens waving Mexican flags, demanding even more health care, and stuck to serve under the leadership of a community organizer? Hell, Nixon and Ford were bad enough but soon I was to learn of Jimmy Carter. was none of that I quickly realized as the light blue Korean taxi stopped in front of Gate#1. Inside was my buddy PFC Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. Huey told me in his cajun voice that the girls, my lovely Kim and the Iron Empress (Huey's wife), would "meet us at a big park on a hill some-damn-where overlooking the city of Pusan". I became panicked and flew off the handle saying "What the hell do you mean some-damn-where, Huey?!" Huey responded with a weak "I kind of remember where it is up on a hill around here." Huey begins looking east and west. I yell at Huey "There's hills all around this city! We're talking a city of more than 2 million people, Huey! Hell, 75% of South Korea is mountains! Don't you know where the hell we're going?! Holy crap! There's nothing but parks or cemeteries on most of the hills around here!" Like a conservative at a town hall meeting I just can't stop and I continue to get louder saying... "Here it is, my very first date with Miss Kim and you don't know where in the hell it is we are to meet them?! Do you have any idea how damn hard it was for me to get this far with Miss Kim...huh?!" Huey just smiled. I dived into Huey like an ACORN executive into a pool of stimulus cash, yelling "IT TOOK ME OVER 3 WEEKS! THREE WEEKS, HUEY! I FELL OFF THE BACK OF A PUSAN CITY BUS GOING 40 MPH FOR HER! I THREW IN WITH A BUNCH OF OLD KOREAN WITCHES FOR HER! I CLIMBED A TELEPHONE POLE EVADING ARREST BY THE KOREAN POLICE FOR HER! I GOT LOCKED AND LOADED ON BY THE R.O.K. ARMY WITH M-16's AND LIT UP BY THE TURRET OF AN M-60 TANK FOR HER! I STOLE A ONE WHEELED BICYCLE AND RODE IT DOWN INTO A BANJO DITCH FOR HER! I BLEW A MONTH'S PAY TO SET UP A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR SOME ASSHOLE JUST SO I COULD GET CLOSE TO HER! IT COST ME FOUR HUNDRED BUCKS, HUEY! FOUR HUNDRED! DID I, BY CHANCE, FAIL TO MENTION THE 3 OR MORE CONCUSSIONS AND THE FACT THAT I HAD TO HAVE MY HEAD STITCHED UP, NOT ONCE...BUT TWICE?! AND ALL THE WHILE, HUEY...ALL THE WHILE... THE MEDIC'S IN THE EVAC HOSPITAL LAUGHED AT ME! FOR GOD'S SAKES, HUEY...I'VE HAD A FEMALE M.P. HOLD A FUCKING KOTEX TO MY HEAD TO STOP THE BLEEDING BECAUSE I FELL OFF A GARBAGE TRUCK WHILE SALUTING OUR C.O. AND ALL BECAUSE OF THIS LOVELY GIRL, MY MISS KIM! ALL THIS WHILE MY FELLOW MP's LAUGHED THEIR ASSES OFF AT ME! I TELL YOU...I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"
Winded... I stopped to catch my breath. Now then. Composure regained. Like a republican stuck with having to vote for John McCain, I told Huey with a voice raw from yelling, that in no uncertain terms..." You are looking at a desperate man here, Huey. How can anyone be so foolish as to not know where"...wait a minute. Wait. a. minute. Just one stinkin' minute! It was then I realized Huey was grinning at me the whole time I was yelling and trying to keep himself from laughing his Bubba Gump ass off. Huey was playing a joke on me and now he broke out into one of those big guffawing southern fried laughs of his. I looked at our Korean chain-smoking taxi driver who was smiling and shaking his head like he was in on it. "Boy, I had you going" Huey bellowed! With that we were off to the park to meet the girls. Huey laughed his fool-head off the entire way.
Though it was a weekday it was pretty busy at the park's entrance. Anyway, there at the entrance, we see the girls! We walk the park together. I am completely in love with my Miss Kim. Kim and I walk together, no hand holding (too early for that) Huey and his beautiful wife are not far behind. I look back at Mrs Huey P. LeDew, The Iron Empress, who gives me a slight smile and an approving nod. It's a beautiful day! I break out my Kodak and it's time for pictures. I take pictures of Huey and The Iron Empress...of the girls...they take pictures of Huey and me...screw that! Time for Kim and I to take a picture of our first date together, April 1st 1975. I'm in heaven! Things are going so good now and I'm so fired up that I put my arm around Kim and she says in an angelic voice some Korean phrase or expression I've never heard or noticed before. She said, "I Goo."
It sounded beautiful to me! As we went through the park I got lots of "I goo's" out of her as I put my arm around her for photos. It sounded like I was really sweeping her off her feet the way she said it. I'm excited! The sun is shining. Finally, the Iron Empress (Huey's wife) took me aside and told me to quit putting my arm around her. As regal and lovely as The Iron Empress was... I challenged her, I said..."But she keeps saying "I Goo". That means she likes it, in Korean, right?" The Empress smiled, shook her regal head no, and told me "I Goo" was the Korean equivalent of Huey's saying "Oh Shit". I thanked Her Majesty for the Korean lesson and thought "I Goo".

A few weeks later Saigon, South Vietnam fell into the hands of the enemy (John Kerry supporters) and I proposed to the lovely
Miss Kim. Stay tuned as this Korean love story ain't over yet. JG;)

*It really be us JihadGene & Miss Kim 4-01-1975