Sunday, January 22, 2012

It's Sunday! Let's Pray!

Our Father in Heaven, before we go into battle, every football fan among us will approach you each in his own way. Our enemies too, according to their own understanding, will ask for protection and for victory. And so, we bow before your infinite wisdom. We offer our prayers as best we can. I pray you watch over the SF 49ers as I cheer them into battle. You use me as your instrument in this awful hell of the NFL to watch over them. Especially if they're men like this one (my son) beside me, deserving of a future in your blessing and goodwill. Amen....Oh yeah! And one more thing, Lord...don't even listen to...or otherwise pay attention to...those heathen bastards from New York. One more question,Lord...if it's alright? Was Tim Tebow a Mormon or Jehovah's Witness or something? Amen. ;)
* On the important side of life*... please keep our wonderful US Armed Forces folks and their families in your prayers. Give thanks. Pick up someone who's down and have a wonderful day! JG;)

Friday, January 20, 2012

US Navy F-18 Attempts Landing on Congressman

BREAKING NORTH KOREAN NEWS! Another sign that we need water in California's Central Valley... An F-18 attempted to land on top of Congressman Jim CO$TA today. It seems the N.A.S. Lemoore based pilot mistook Congressman Jim Costa's big, fat, and slow moving ass on water...for an aircraft carrier.

It's Friday! Let's Dance Nautical Style!

Are ya ready, kids?
Aye Aye, Captain!
I can't hear you!
Aye Aye, Captain!
Who lives in a lifeboat under snuggies?
Carnival Cruise Captain!
Italian and yellow and pompous is he.
Carnival Cruise Captain!
If hittin' the bottom be somethin' you wish.

Carnival Cruise Captain!
Then call the ship's chef, I'll order the fish!
Carnival Cruise Captain!
Ready? Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Breaking North Korean News

And this story just breaking...Maryanne Gingrich, the 2nd ex-concubine of presidential candidate, Newt Ginseng...said today that the unidentified woman on the bridge of the doomed Carnival Cruise ship, 2 Close to Coast, was none other than "That tramp, Callista Gingrich!"
We now return to our normal programming. Thank you, LOOONG time!!!