Friday, April 29, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

It's Friday and I just ain't feeling it. Maybe it has something to do with all the bad weather everyone is experiencing...or just bad karma...or maybe because I am wishing I was HERE. Well, it is what it is... so regardless, keep those brave troops of ours and their families in your prayers and dance through life's minefields with a smile on your face! I need me a Sprite LOOONG time!!! It's no secret that Koreans ruv Sprite. Happy weekend everyone!

Friday, April 22, 2011

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Our Troops!!!

It's a Friday and it's been a rough week, for some, for sure. This week I sent a wounded Marine a rubber chicken and some shirts. He is on my mind. Hold all our troops and their families up in prayer please. Make it a regular part of your life. God IS good! Happy Friday and Happy Easter and remember that God and Great Reader RUV you very LOOONG time, so put on a wonderful smile and's Friday!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

KIM Jong IL I Had a Dream

Meanwhile somewhere north of the tunnels on the DMZ, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, afraid to go to sleep.

KIM: AWWW... WHOLEY HORSE KWAP!!! General Wang! Come here!

WANG: What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: I'm can'ts sleep! I'm keeps having these bad dweams.

WANG: Dreams? What kind of dreams, Great Reader?

KIM: Like I'm Joe Biden's wife and I'm haves to wake him up for work.

WANG: That's bad, Sir.

KIM: That's nuffing. Then I'm had dream I'm a pilot whose plane is going down in flames and Joe Biden is in the controls tower!

WANG: That's bad, alright.

KIM: Then I'm had this dream that I was Joe Biden and I was in Lost Vegas, trying to get into a Sleep Number Store. But then, all the beds were taken up by a bunch of drunks from the Air Traffic Controller's Convention.

WANG: Oh my!

KIM: Then I'm had this weird dream that I'm was not a Norf Korean at all... but, that I was from India.
(Kim looks in mirror sees big red circle in middle of forehead)
Oh mine Gawd!!! It's twoo! I'm Indian!

WANG: Relax, Sir. You are not Indian. I believe you feel asleep on you wrist watch and that left the mark on your face.

KIM: Call for me nurse, preeze.

WANG: Thorazine, Sir?

KIM: Yeah. Have her make it a double.

WANG: On the rocks, with a little umbrella?

KIM: Roger that.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Rest in Peace Tim Hetherington

A sad situation. Movie director and photographer, Tim Hetherington, was killed while filming in Libya. Some blog friends of mine knew Mr Hetherington personally, from the movie "Restrepo", a documentary about a platoon of 173rd Airborne Brigade Sky Soldiers on a combat tour in Afghanistan. You should see the movie if you haven't. I know Mr Hetherington did great work and I heard he was a wonderful guy. Our prayers go out to all who loved him and to those whose lives he most certainly touched. News story HERE.

KIM Jong IL and a Game of Charades

Meanwhile somewhere north of the Samsung-Starvation Line (38th Parallel) we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL playing a game of charades with 7 star General Wang.

KIM: Oklay, General Wang...whom am I?.... ZZZzzz... (pretends to sleep)

WANG: You're a North American air traffic controller!

KIM: (opens one eye) You're getting warm... but look closely!

WANG: (stares at Kim's face) I see it! I see it! I see the drool!! You are Joe Biden!!!

KIM: Blingo!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Obama Fixes Air Traffic and Unemployment

Meanwhile...somewhere north of Munsan, South Korea, we find Great Reader, KIM Jong IL once again in front of the television set.

KIM: Turn on the Shee-N-N news channel, General Wang. President Obamama is going to give speech!

WANG: Very good, Sir.

TV: My fellow Americans, as you all know...thanks to George W. Bush, these are tough times...both for the Federal Aviation Administration's air traffic controllers and our nation...due to the rate of high unemployment. It is because of these factors, that I have paired up with Air Traffic Control Czar, Joe Biden, in an effort to fix it. So...beginning tonight, I have instructed Joe to personally give on-the-job air traffic control training to former employees of the bankrupt Blockbuster Video stores! These are full-time, shovel-ready graveyard shift jobs, located in airport towers all across our less than great country. It's a win-win for the American people and makers of portable DVD players! Thank you, and now, I must go on a vacation.

KIM: (stands up, points to TV while trying to hold a straight face) That's a leader right there!!!

KIM & WANG: BWAHAHAHAhahahaaa!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

KIM Jong IL Approves Obama Decision

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL watching Shee-N-N breaking news on his Philco 19 inch, Super-Derux, brack and white, portable television set.

TV: Breaking news! Due to numerous concerns over airport personnel asleep on the job, President Obama has announced today that the newly formed position of Air Traffic Control Czar will be filled by Vice President Joe Biden...

KIM: BWAHAhahahahaaa!!!

TV: In other related news stories...air traffic controllers are requesting scheduled naps during work, based upon the "Biden Work Ethic". All calls to VP Joe Biden's office for comment were left unanswered.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Why Joe Biden is Tired

Why are you always so damned tired, Joe?

Hold on big guy! Before you unload on me, just hear me out. Ya see...what with the high cost of fuel and all...I have to supplement my vice presidential income I took on another job.

Another job, Joe?! Really...what?

I work nights in Reno as an air traffic controller.

KIM Jong IL and Perfect Pairs

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, firmly ensconced in his Lazy Homeboy Recliner watching President Obama's latest budget balancing speech on CNN.

KIM: What?! How dares him! Who would dares sleep during President Oblama's speech?! General Wang, come here!

WANG: Here, Great Reader! What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: (points at TV) Who in the bells of hell is that???!!!

WANG: Why...Sir, that is the USA's Vice President....Joe Biden.

KIM: Joe Buy-dung? Oh, that's right. He's that big foo-king deal, guy!

WANG: You got it, Sir!

KIM: Yes, I'm do! Say...Wang...who be that old chick that's asleep behind him?

WANG: (looking closely) I'm not sure on that one, Sir.

KIM: Hmmm...Must be a match he found on eHarmony!!!


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Obama Shocks 'n Awes KIM Jong IL

Meanwhile, somewhere way out west of the west coast and north of the South Koreans, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL reflecting on the latest news out of Washington DC...

KIM: General Wang, are you sure this is true?

WANG: It's been verified, Great Reader Sir!

KIM: So, let's me see if I'm halves this right.... Michelin Obamamama is showing her support for the troops families commencing on April 13th with the Military Families Initiative? Just days after her husbbsband, Baawack Whosenamed Obama, threatens not to pay the troops?! How can that be???!!!

WANG: There's really no explaining it, Sir. It is what it is.

KIM: Wang, hand me my Ytunes M3P player. I wants to listen to some A-Shee Dee-Shee.

WANG: AC/DC, Sir? What song?

KIM: "I've Got Big Balls", of course!

WANG: Of course, Sir.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Great Reader's Newest Fan Follower

KIM Jong IL-Great Reader-JihadGene proudly welcomes a new blog follower! Her...or "IT's" sign/alias... is Hair style designer. What a frickin XXX rated gay joker looong time!!! How do you get a follower off your follower's list? Oh, and...have a great weekend everyone!!!

Friday, April 8, 2011

It's Friday Let's Pray

There's been a heavy case of spiritual warfare going on out my way. How about you? I really had to push 'n pray through, this week...but I made it. Sometimes you've got to gut it out but you don't have to do it alone. Psalm 121 reminded me of that . Out here in Central California, it's been sad. We mourn the loss of two US naval aviators (pilot & weapons system officer) when their F-18F Super Hornet went down near NAS Lemoore on Wednesday. Our prayers go out to their shipmates, friends, and families. These Navy folks are a wonderful addition to our churches, schools, and nearby communities. We are thankful for them and all they bring. God bless all our troops and their families a very long, long time. Have a good weekend.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

God, KIM Jong IL and Glenn Beck

Meanwhile somewhere in a make-believer's little brown church, in Norf Korea, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL on his knees...

KIM: Deer Father in heaven... preeze hear my prayers. Floorgive me of mine sins and helps me out, here.

GOD: What's on your mind, you HEATHEN ?

KIM: JihadGene is a conservative who hates Glenn Beck. Won't Gene goes to hell for that looong time?!

GOD: No.

KIM: Tanks, Lord! mores question, Lord?

GOD: Fire away.

KIM: Am I'm going to hell, Lord?

GOD: Well, it depends.

KIM: Dee-plends, Lord?

GOD: Let me put it this do you feel about watching the 700 Club co-hosted by Pat Robertson and Glenn Beck, for all eternity?

KIM: Crap!!!

GOD: I'm leaving now. You can get up off your knees.

KIM: I'm standing stwaight up, Lord.

GOD: My bad.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

JihadGene works on Part 20!

Friends: Even though I haven't written a "Love American vs Korean Style" since 2009, in the next week or two, I will continue to write about the RUV of my life (my wife, AKA: The lovely Kim) and our travels through the international web of love and marriage. It was rather funny but not exactly easy. Installment #19 was my last post way back in 2009 and I vow to great-reader's you... that I will continue to tell all! Admittedly, some... and at times much of this, is B.S. sprinkled with about 65% truth. If you are new here please go back to read some of the earlier parts of this G.I.'s tale of love at first sight. This is me, JihadGene, as an old guy taking a look back at himself...and love...and raffing out roud! I can't help but come off sounding like Steinbeck writing about Cannery Row, as I write about the 1975 Republic of South Korea. Korea, in 1975 was a smell, a sound, a silence, and a strange sight to this 20 year old Californian. Looking back gives me great happiness and brings it all back again. It's a joy and a happiness that surrounds me, and reminds me of what is important in life...and what really does matter. I hope it comes across, in that way, for you. Have a wonderful weekend...wherever you are... all means...keep our awesome troops and their families in your prayers a very LOOONG time!!! JG ;)

Friday, April 1, 2011

Why I RUV April Fool's Day

Love American VS Korean Style #19

If you joined us late in this epic tale of love and comedic tragedy then get up to speed by reading previous installments of "Love American VS Korean Style...
In Part 1- I met the girl I would marry. Her name is Kim and RUV is in the air!!!
In Part 2- Spent all my money on a MASTER PLAN to set up a birthday party that would put me with Kim.
In Part 3- Stupid master plan FAILS!Kim gets puked on by drunk Birthday Boy. Kim leaves. I am miserable.
In Part 4- Korean Grandmothers (Shaman) take pity on me. We Kamikaze in a taxi to Kim's. Grandma's sitting on my lap crushing my huevos. I may never have children.
In Part 5- I survive the taxi ride. The Grandmothers tell me they will fix all. I must return to base. I can't beat the midnight curfew but I damn sure try.
In Part 6- Suicide ride on a bus bumper. Crash. Injuries and more. Concussion too! Police chase! Escape & Evade!
In Part 7- Climb a telephone pole. Steal a bike with one wheel. Make my Great Escape!
In Part 8- Ride bike into a Banjo-Ditch (sewage). Another concussion and a laceration on the forehead. I crawl out and am captured by the ROK Army, then returned to base.
In Part 9- Got stitches/medical treatment at 0130 hours. Later that AM, a meeting with Military Police 1SG Black Thunder Johnson. Made an Ambassador to South Korea. Run to Motor Pool for a jeep.
In Part 10- Bicycle recovered. I fall into the banjo ditch. 1SG YOON/1SG Johnson/Me and the Korean Grandfather have a Pow-wow. Intercultural relations rebuilt! Valuable lessons learned.
In Part 11- The First Sergeants have a meeting. I am cleaned up at a ROK Army wash point. We go to Kim's. I am OBAMA, to the Korean OPRAH's (Grandmothers). I SEE KIM! We are returning to base.
In Part 12- I return to Camp with the First Sergeant's, jeep, and bicycle. My squad members, the house boys, and I/we all ponder MY fate. We break for chow (lunch). I opt for a nap and am awoken by my Squad leader SSG OLY. Intro to Staff Sergeant Oly (The Big "O") and the infamous Three Beeps! Time has come...I head for the orderly room.
In Part 13- I report to the orderly room. My fate is suspended until the next day when I must report back to the First Sergeant with my Squad Leader. I am re-directed to the unit supply room and meet Sergeant James Wheeler.
In Part 14- Learn about ambassadorship, love of life, Korean orphanages, and about giving from the US Army's Santa Claus, Sergeant Jimmy Wheeler.
In Part 15- I was to meet my fate. But what was it? I was reassigned and given a "Special Assignment". But what was it? I didn't know.
In Part 16- My "Special Assignment" was to ride shotgun on the trash truck going through our Army base. I banged my head on the truck's handrail and limply fell to the ground. With Kotex applied to my forehead I was taken to the Evac Hospital and returned to my unit. I am a cross between Elvis, Audie Murphy, Evel Knievel, Sad Sack, Ralph Kramden, and a crash test dummy.
In Part 17- I meet with The Iron Empress of Korea and her man, Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. A date with my KIM...the love of my life, is arranged.
In Part 18- I wait at the main gate to meet Kim and the LeDew's to taxi over to some park on our 1st date. I worry. Taxi is late, I think. What the heck happened to her?

So anyways... there I was at Gate#1. Camp Hialeah, in the Republic of Korea, April Fool's Day (April 1st) 1975. I have been waiting for my lovely Kim to arrive at the gate for our first official date. I was sooo excited! I was at the gate an hour and 15 minutes early. All these horrible thoughts raced through my mind like...Kim killed in a fiery car crash when coming to meet me...or that Kim was really a beautiful North Korean spy sent to break my heart and find out all the top secrets of the US Army's M151A1 (jeep)...or was this all some silly dream, one in which I would wake up in a United States full of illegal aliens waving Mexican flags, demanding even more health care, and stuck to serve under the leadership of a community organizer? Hell, Nixon and Ford were bad enough but soon I was to learn of Jimmy Carter. was none of that I quickly realized as the light blue Korean taxi stopped in front of Gate#1. Inside was my buddy PFC Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. Huey told me in his cajun voice that the girls, my lovely Kim and the Iron Empress (Huey's wife), would "meet us at a big park on a hill some-damn-where overlooking the city of Pusan". I became panicked and flew off the handle saying "What the hell do you mean some-damn-where, Huey?!" Huey responded with a weak "I kind of remember where it is up on a hill around here." Huey begins looking east and west. I yell at Huey "There's hills all around this city! We're talking a city of more than 2 million people, Huey! Hell, 75% of South Korea is mountains! Don't you know where the hell we're going?! Holy crap! There's nothing but parks or cemeteries on most of the hills around here!" Like a conservative at a town hall meeting I just can't stop and I continue to get louder saying... "Here it is, my very first date with Miss Kim and you don't know where in the hell it is we are to meet them?! Do you have any idea how damn hard it was for me to get this far with Miss Kim...huh?!" Huey just smiled. I dived into Huey like an ACORN executive into a pool of stimulus cash, yelling "IT TOOK ME OVER 3 WEEKS! THREE WEEKS, HUEY! I FELL OFF THE BACK OF A PUSAN CITY BUS GOING 40 MPH FOR HER! I THREW IN WITH A BUNCH OF OLD KOREAN WITCHES FOR HER! I CLIMBED A TELEPHONE POLE EVADING ARREST BY THE KOREAN POLICE FOR HER! I GOT LOCKED AND LOADED ON BY THE R.O.K. ARMY WITH M-16's AND LIT UP BY THE TURRET OF AN M-60 TANK FOR HER! I STOLE A ONE WHEELED BICYCLE AND RODE IT DOWN INTO A BANJO DITCH FOR HER! I BLEW A MONTH'S PAY TO SET UP A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR SOME ASSHOLE JUST SO I COULD GET CLOSE TO HER! IT COST ME FOUR HUNDRED BUCKS, HUEY! FOUR HUNDRED! DID I, BY CHANCE, FAIL TO MENTION THE 3 OR MORE CONCUSSIONS AND THE FACT THAT I HAD TO HAVE MY HEAD STITCHED UP, NOT ONCE...BUT TWICE?! AND ALL THE WHILE, HUEY...ALL THE WHILE... THE MEDIC'S IN THE EVAC HOSPITAL LAUGHED AT ME! FOR GOD'S SAKES, HUEY...I'VE HAD A FEMALE M.P. HOLD A FUCKING KOTEX TO MY HEAD TO STOP THE BLEEDING BECAUSE I FELL OFF A GARBAGE TRUCK WHILE SALUTING OUR C.O. AND ALL BECAUSE OF THIS LOVELY GIRL, MY MISS KIM! ALL THIS WHILE MY FELLOW MP's LAUGHED THEIR ASSES OFF AT ME! I TELL YOU...I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"
Winded... I stopped to catch my breath. Now then. Composure regained. Like a republican stuck with having to vote for John McCain, I told Huey with a voice raw from yelling, that in no uncertain terms..." You are looking at a desperate man here, Huey. How can anyone be so foolish as to not know where"...wait a minute. Wait. a. minute. Just one stinkin' minute! It was then I realized Huey was grinning at me the whole time I was yelling and trying to keep himself from laughing his Bubba Gump ass off. Huey was playing a joke on me and now he broke out into one of those big guffawing southern fried laughs of his. I looked at our Korean chain-smoking taxi driver who was smiling and shaking his head like he was in on it. "Boy, I had you going" Huey bellowed! With that we were off to the park to meet the girls. Huey laughed his fool-head off the entire way.
Though it was a weekday it was pretty busy at the park's entrance. Anyway, there at the entrance, we see the girls! We walk the park together. I am completely in love with my Miss Kim. Kim and I walk together, no hand holding (too early for that) Huey and his beautiful wife are not far behind. I look back at Mrs Huey P. LeDew, The Iron Empress, who gives me a slight smile and an approving nod. It's a beautiful day! I break out my Kodak and it's time for pictures. I take pictures of Huey and The Iron Empress...of the girls...they take pictures of Huey and me...screw that! Time for Kim and I to take a picture of our first date together, April 1st 1975. I'm in heaven! Things are going so good now and I'm so fired up that I put my arm around Kim and she says in an angelic voice some Korean phrase or expression I've never heard or noticed before. She said, "I Goo."
It sounded beautiful to me! As we went through the park I got lots of "I goo's" out of her as I put my arm around her for photos. It sounded like I was really sweeping her off her feet the way she said it. I'm excited! The sun is shining. Finally, the Iron Empress (Huey's wife) took me aside and told me to quit putting my arm around her. As regal and lovely as The Iron Empress was... I challenged her, I said..."But she keeps saying "I Goo". That means she likes it, in Korean, right?" The Empress smiled, shook her regal head no, and told me "I Goo" was the Korean equivalent of Huey's saying "Oh Shit". I thanked Her Majesty for the Korean lesson and thought "I Goo".

A few weeks later Saigon, South Vietnam fell into the hands of the enemy (John Kerry supporters) and I proposed to the lovely
Miss Kim. Stay tuned as this Korean love story ain't over yet. JG;)

*It really be us JihadGene & Miss Kim 4-01-1975