Monday, June 30, 2008

Brogger KIM JONG IL Happy! Obama Shuts Down Opposition !

WOOOooo-WEEEeee! Great Reader KIM JONG IL here! Hell-Row and how's the hell are yous?! Yeah-yeah...enuff of this bullcwap. Let's get down to bidness!
I find this artickle here , as well as picture. If true, and I'm believe it be so, freedom of speech on OBAMA's side of the DMZ is not allowed!
Bottoms line is this....
Barrack "Who's-Named" OBAMA is my main man in 2008!!!
Yeah BLAY-BEE!!! Him shut downs free speech! Him intimidate others via the race/religion card... or by any MEANS prossible!!!
Happy Forf of July may be your last!!!

Ruv You Looong Time!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL
PyongYang, DPRK 90210

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Great Reader KIM Jong IL,With One Mighty Blow, Brings Down Yongbyon Cooling Tower

DATELINE NORF KOREA- The DPRK's Great Reader KIM Jong IL has destroyed a cooling tower at Fake Vomit & "Bro-up Doll" Factory #227, in Yongbyon, NORKO. Great Reader KIM Jong IL declared to all the world- "If this scares you...I'm will knock it down in the name of world peace and for 5 million dolla's (US) fast cash"! So with only one mighty Karate Chop (left-handed even) our own beruvved 100th Degree Brack-Belted KIM Jong IL completely destroyed the cooling tower. Yongbyon was once known as the Baby Milk Factory Capital of Communism but has changed with the times. So... the United States' own Georgie DoubleWoo Bushie has now FRIP-FROPPED like a John Kerry waffle, and decided to remove North Korea from its official list of terrorist sponsors!
The US Stank Department has since sent in, none-other than the lowly, CondoWeezah Rice, the dubious stunt-double of Michelle Obama, to mad-cow-suking Souf Korea! Why do this? This is an insult to the mal-nourished patriots of the people's of Norf Korea who want only to unify the Korean Peninsula under the Readership of KIM Jong IL!!! While it is true that
Great Reader declared we had slightly more plutonium than previously admitted, it was clearly the fault of a temporary employee who comitted suicide by firing squad and is currently unavailable for comment! NORKO DID NO WONG!!! Honest mistake, happen all time on DMZ, and in American politics! ...I'm smoked but I'm never inhaled...She was just deliverin' pizza... or I'm never had sexy time with that woman... or that one, or that one, or...yeah, there in the back, that one.
That is all. JG

Friday, June 27, 2008

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

Here's a special song I would sing to my son when he was 4 months old. I danced with him (not too fast) in my arms. It's a special song to me. So let's twist again with the Great Chubby Checker!!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Fortunes and Fortune Cookies


Five fortune-cookie fortunes by JihadGene.
Please feel free to add your own smartassim's in my comments section!...

#1 Not everyone is your friend.

#2 Enjoy life to the fullest with
good friends!

#3 You can thank your "Lucky Stars" that you are not everyone's friend!

#4 Take the time to stop and piss on all jerks, along life's highway.

#5 Drive carefully! The highway is slick with piss.

KIM Jong IL on Depression and Self Medicating

Meanwhile North of the 38th Parallel, in the land of milk & Honeycombs we find Great Reader KIM Jong Il, in pink robe and fuzzy bunny slippers, reading a cereal box, and eating breakfast, much to the distress of General Wang...

WANG- Your Greatness, I haven't seen you in this kinda shape since the movie Team America came out! Every-time you get depressed, you start eating boxes of Honeycomb cereal!

KIM- (munch, mmm, munch, crunch) TEEMS AMERICKLAW!!!
Booo-hooo-hooo-hooo! Sniff-sniff. sniff. Pass me the milk and get me some more Kreen-Ex.

WANG-Right here with the Kleenex , your Sad One. You can't go on like this, Sir.

KIM- (Munch, CRUNCH, muncH!!!)
Can't goes on like what? I'm likes Honey's-Comb LOOONG time! It's my way to self meditate.

WANG- Self medicate, Sir.

KIM- Whatever. I'm feels depressed. But I'm knows I'm must be thinking more positively. Yes, that's right! The sun will wise again in the mooring!

WANG- That's right Sir! The sun will rise again in the morning! It will be a better day and this dark cloud shall pass-by, showing a bright & beautiful, new tomorrow!

KIM- (rises from kitchen table, puts on big sunglasses, and begins to sing from
the musical Annie)

The sun will come out TOO-MARR-LOW

So you gots to hang on


Come whats may

TooMarrLow! TooMarrLow!


You're always
A day
A way!!!

KIM- Thanks General Wang! I fweel better already.

WANG- Good. Now I need some Honeycomb.

KIM- Help yourself!
Got milk?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

My brother Joe and Poetry

Teen suicide sucks. I found out, first-hand, in 1971. My brother with that beautiful nervous smile of his, left us. It happened late at night. I was age 16 and asleep. Joe would have been 19 in one more week. I hope he stopped by my room and said goodbye. I'll never know. I have memories of him, very good ones. I discarded the negative, as best I can. The blog has helped me do this. If I could change things I would. He was so smart. So quiet. Call me Mr Opposite. We fought and loved each-other. He was my big brother. He wrote this funny poem and I never forgot it. I don't know if my sisters know it, but I know it. word.for.word.


When I get older, I know what I'll be.

A wino's life, is the life for me.

Vin Ros'e and Muscatel,

A life like that would sure be swell!

I'd live down by the railroad tracks,

And keep my wine in paper sacks.

When I'm older and I die,

You'll know it's cause my bottle's dry!

by Joe

*my Blog Mother "Erica" is writing poetry. Thanks Erica, for helping me to share my brother Joe. If someone talks about death, stop, think, and listen. My parents didn't. It was different then. JG

KIM Jong IL's Parking Tips...

While brog-surfing, I found my friend, Teresa, over at Technicalities, wiff a problem. It seems Teresa, who is good Joe (peeps), parks way out there in parking lots, to avoid udder more big vehicles which may block her view when she backing out of parking stall. Teresa drives a mid sized vehicle and, wet's face it (unless you are Gene's Uncle Bob), gettin' boxed in by vans and SUV's, while tryings to back out, is no fun. So here are some helpful hints...
KIM JONG IL's Parking Tips

PLAN A- While a bit pricey at $485 (US) , per 16' length, I find the "Local Law Enforcement Method" using Magnum Road Spikes, if strategically placed, will keep those problem SUV's at bay. It comes with a nice carrying case too!

PLAN B- For the do-it-your-selfer's try "The Bob Vila Approach". Empty a couple of kilo's of 3" deck screws in those flanking stalls! Make sure they are the silver colored ones for maximum visibility! If you are at Home Depot this will "NOT" work, as illegal aliens will take the screws.

PLAN C- Do it cheap-charlie. You can save money and "GO Wal-Mart on 'Em" ... just toss some dirty diaper bombs and break a few bottles in the adjacent parking stalls! Plus, feel free to throw out any trash in your car from 7-11's, Micky D's, KFC, Booger King, etc.! Even empty your ash-tway, if you smoke! Remember if you are "IN" a Wal-Mart parking lot, Plans A, B, and C, will have no effect what-so-ever. Absolute!!!

I knows too much abrout you Americans!
Ruv You Looong Time!
Great Reader KIM JONG IL

Monday, June 23, 2008

North Korea Travel Update!


Update for all Guest Tourists booking the "De-Rux Tour & Travel Package" of beautiful North Korea! Despite the high cost of fuel you will fly in on the "Shasta Cola" of all airlines, Fu Kyu Air! Fu Kyu is great way to fly, in our state of the art, diesel powered aircraft! Your non-stop flight from Berkeley, Ca. (USA) also includes the following lay-overs (in order) with connecting flights, where you'll change planes in Ho Chi Min City, Tehran, Moscow, Damascus, and "exotic" Chicago, Illinois...home of some of the sorriest churches and politician's you'll ever want to meet (no links needed here)! You then arrive at your final destination of PyongYang, North Korea and upon arrival will receive one case (duty-free) of "Billy Beer". Time and time again, when our dedicated Travel Staff ask if our travelers enjoyed their flight, we hear a resounding FU KYU and KIM Jong Il too!!! Time, and time, again...without fail! RYLT!GR

Sunday, June 22, 2008

What's on TV for Monday, June 23, 2008


1AM-6AM Meet the Press. Reruns with TIM RUSSERT.

6AM -7AM Who was TIM RUSSERT? With Jeopardy's Alex Trebek.

7AM-10AM "I saw TIM RUSSERT at work". An interview with Matt Lauer.

10AM-Noon "The View" talks about the untimely death of TIM RUSSERT caused by George W. Bush's failed policies.

Noon-5PM One Life to Live or General Hospital? What soap opera's did TIM RUSSERT like best?

5PM-6PM "Action News ". Featuring still photo's of TIM RUSSERT's son touching a real live chair where TIM RUSSERT used to sit.

6PM-9PM Reunion of CHEERS! Cliff Clavin and Woody get into a fist-to-cuff's over little
known TIM RUSSERT trivia. Coach breaks it up with a sawed-off shotgun and
sprays ass of TIM RUSSERT's Dad, BIG RUSS, with rock-salt.

9PM-11PM PBS SPECIAL. A Ken Burns Tribute to TIM RUSSERT.

11pM-12PM "Eye Witness News". An insider's farewell salute, from a local guy who once
washed TIM RUSSERT's car.

(RUSSERT was a good guy. I'm just sick of all the media's bullshit coverage.JG)

Rich Casebolt Strikes Again! KIM JONG IL Endorses Barrack OBAMA!

NORKO Newz Agency(Berkeley, Ca.)- Many tanks to Rich Case-of-bolts (Rich Casebolt) via the brogg, Gateway Pundit , for this important message! Go see...Shocker!... Following Gaddafi's Lead Kim Jong Il Endorses Obama


TO: The People's of the World Why Web

FRUM- Great Reader KIM JONG IL


SUMMARY- Vote for Obama or I'm kill you looong time! That is not quite all...after we take USA, I'm just like that Howard's Dean guy! I'm goes to Engrand....then to Japland...and on's to Scottrand..Swedem...Finnwand.....then I'm goings Newz E-land and I'm goings to Atlantic City, and Brooklynn...maybe Fresno and Encino too! THEN I'M GONNA GET NAKED AND CHASE MICHELLE AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN!!!


I'm KIM Jong IL and I'm proof of this message!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part VIII by jihadgene

Dear reader if you did not read "Fishing With Uncle Bob" parts 1 through 7up then please do so now, in order to get the full feel of this pathetic but mostly true story....
Let's recap-
It's early summer 1966 in Central California and my intoxicated Uncle Bob is playing chauffeur driving the infamous 1965 or '66 Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider pulling a 16' fiberglass boat, light blue over white in color, with seating for 4 back to back, powered by a mighty 60HP Evinrude outboard motor, capable of reaching speeds that Star Trek Capt James T. Kirk, would envy. So far Uncle Bob has successfully driven us off cliffs and roadways from Lake Berryessa to the Suisun Slough, all the while pissing in a Hills Bros coffee can, drinking Miller High Life beer with my Dad (who had to be drunk in order to tolerate Bob), laughing, joking, and occasionally steering the Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider. We dragged anchor all over Lake Berryessa. Did a spectacular "sideway's launch" into the Suisun Slough that warranted a standing ovation dockside! Later, while exceeding speeds well over 100MPH, Uncle Bob (our drunk fishing guide and Captain) beached the boat! We survive all this and have finally pushed/pulled the boat back into the water with the help of a rich guy in a cabin cruiser. Uncle Bob, my Dad, my brother Joe-Bob (age 14), and me (age 11), are now all covered in this slime from head to toe. It is a grayish kinda black colored sludge that is not only all over us but it's all over the once cute boat. If ya ever saw the movie Ghost Buster's, well, to sum it up, we were SLIMED! A pathetic lot indeed. Now as our once mighty Evinrude outboard huffed and puffed blue-black smoke, and belched fire, we approached the Suisun City boat ramp.

Now I don't know why, the Suisun City Fathers, held their annual Suisun City Father's Day Parade, with a kick-off time of 6PM (PST) on a Saturday, but believe me, in the early summer of 1966 they did. And, likewise, we (Uncle Bob, Dad, Joe-Bob, and I) had no idea that the parade route began in front of the Suisun City Boat Ramp/Dry Dock and Laundra-O-Rama, but it did. It was about 5:50PM and the city's populace was gathered with all their parade floats and the Suisun City High School Marching Band formed up, near the dock. As we approached I could see the crowd. I saw the rich guy in the cabin cruiser (the one who helped pull us into the water) point in our direction and the crowd ROARED! Boats big and small honked their horns! I was never so embarrassed in all my non-adult life. We docked. People were smiling and laughing! Some wanted to give us a pat on the back but, due to our slimed state, no one dared. I just wanted to get into the car and go home. Uncle Bob now announced, over the cheering crowd, that we (my Dad, Joe, and I) would stay in the boat for the ride home as he did not want to get his Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider, black in color w/ red interior, with a full 15HP more than a regular Corvair, dirty. Uncle Bob swaggered (staggered) to the car with the 5lbs Hills Bros coffee can in hand. He then put the can to good use (took a leak) and proceeded to strip down to his black socks (held up with garters), white boxers, and white sling-shot T shirt. The crowd went wild!!! Now, I don't know where he got it, maybe the glove box, but I now saw Uncle Bob in the Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider drinkin another Miller High Life. This time, focused on his mission, Uncle Bob backed up the boat trailer like a true professional and got the boat loaded with ease. Our audience ate it up, appaulding his backing skills! Uncle Bob waved his Frank Sinatra looking hat at them! The good people of Suisun City insisted we lead the parade with Uncle Bob's Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider and boat. I looked to my Dad who gave me a tired Marine grin and pulled another Miller beer outta the legendary 7up cooler. I looked at my brother Joe who was smiling his wonderful nervous smile. What the hell. I waved at the crowds, along the parade route, and began throwing fishing tackle and bait to the kids. I did that all the way out of town. I watched the anchor being dragged behind, in the low-setting sunlight.
I've never gone back to Suisun City, but I will never forget her. Try as I might.
I'll never forget her.
The End

KFC Confessions

First off-I want to thank That 1 Guy over at Drunken Wisdom for his "KEY FOB CONFESSION"
titled "footsteps" .

His confession inspired me to come forward with my own KFC (not Kentucky Fried Chicken)!!!

The wife and I own a small business and I’m always looking out the window, day dreaming. One afternoon I noticed this cute little gal (high school age) doing some heavy make-out action with this slime-ball gang-banger under a tree in the parking lot. Yes, I park my truck under that tree. The range was pretty damn far, but was it too far for the Dodge truck’s key fob? Could it work under such all-too-important and demanding conditions? I hit the panic button and LMAO!!! Yes, I’m a butt-hole. A bored outta my mind butt-hole in seek of excitement! An out and out fun-loving butt-hole first class! I can’t wait to finish my coffee and launch another butt-hole’d attack on some unsuspecting gang-banger butt holes! Let the games begin!!! Anybody know where I can get a new battery for my key fob?

Friday, June 20, 2008

It's Friday Night! Let's Remember When...

This is pretty much how my California was in the 60's. Bill Clinton on the saxophone ? Oh HELL no!It's Jr Walker on Sax with the All Stars!!!

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part VII by jihadgene

Dear reader, if you read this please ensure that you have first read Parts 1 through 6, so you'll be both up-to-date-on the pretty-much-true story and appreciate the "full effects" of Miller High Life. Two magnificent ladies (my only two readers) had some wonderful comments and I will try to indulge them in this piece.
Now, just how much Miller High Life Beer did Uncle Bob have?
Uncle Bob never ceased to find cold beer, SODIE, as he called them, in that cooler! Nor did Uncle Bob never find "a cold one" anywhere, within the light blue/over white 16' fiberglass boat, which seats 4 back-to-back, and powered with the mighty Evinrude 60HP outboard motor capable of blowing-by anything the US Coast Guard may have afloat, or in his souped-up 1965 or '66 Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider, with 15HP more than the mere Chevy Corvair.! I don't really know why. Gee. Could it be all those frequent stops at every beer and bait shop from Lake Berryessa to the Suisun Slough, that kept him so well stocked? Nawww. Uncle Bob and my Dad were suckin' down them beers like they were North and South Koreans trying to out-do each other at Panmunjeon, or more like two kids at the dinner table trying to out-eat one another.
Where the hell was I?...
Oh yeah! The 7up ice chest, chock-full-'O-beer (Miller High Life). I don't know but maybe if I called that radio show called Coast to Coast with that Art Bell guy, maybe they'd have the answer as to how that cooler stayed so full'a beer? Maybe Elvis, or space aliens, Big Foot, Sonny & Cher, George Bush, or crop circles, Rosie O'Donnell, a ghost, or illegal aliens working for Carl Rove & Mitt Romney, had something to do with it? Maybe Uncle Bob even made a deal with the devil? Hell, I don't know! The only thing that comes to MY 11 year old mind, is that he had a MAGIC 7up ice chest! I can't quite explain it, all these years later, but as I reflect on it, I'm sure.... IT. WAS. MAGIC. Like "Felix the Cat" and his "Magical bag-'O-tricks", it was Uncle Bob, in an eternal state of Buzzzdum, thanks to that shiny silver-colored cooler, with the big 7up logo on the front. Perhaps Suisun Slough is the Bermuda Triangle of the Pacific, maybe? Intriguing, though it may be, I must return to the story...
Well, after getting our slime-colored "beached boat" back into the waters of the Suisun Slough, we started chug-chuggin' back to the boat ramp. Now mind you, the "once powerful" 60HP Evinrude outboard engine is sucking oxygen, putting out 2 and 1/2 HP maximum, and has begun spewing a strange blue/black smoke, with just-a-hint of flame. We... the fearless crew of the "Uncle-Intoxicated Beached and Bird-Mauling Titanic", are covered pretty much head-to-toe in this blackish-brownish-greenish-greyish slime, from the neck down. Yes, it's slow- going and I make sure we are not dragging the anchor. Uncle Bob and my Dad drink another Miller High Life. I look at my brother Joe-Bob. He looks tired but gives me the nervous smile. We approach the dock. I look ahead and see...

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part VI by jihadgene

Hello readers! Please go read "Fishing With Uncle Bob" Parts I through V before you EVEN read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story. Here's where we left off in the year of our Slum Lord, 1966. It was early summer and...
Well, my Uncle Bob (The Beer-Imbibing-Commodore) beached his 16' fiberglass boat... the used-to-be... light blue over white colored, now mud splattered, 4 seater, with the once powerful 60HP Evinrude outboard motor, capable of such speeds that it was considered classified information.
Yes we were in Suisun Slough, California USA, and in a fantastic flurry of TULIES (reeds), SLIME, and FEATHERS, we were stuck in the muck. After all the laughter (because we survived) we now began to push the boat about 100 yards to the water. Uncle Bob and my Dad polished off another Miller High Life, took a leak, then...we were ready. One. Two. THREE...PUSH! Wow! It was actually working! The boat slid pretty easily in/on top of this slime. The draw back was that the harder you pushed the deeper you went into the muck. But we were doing good. After an hour or more we were close to the water where the muck meets the know? Like where "the rubber meets the road". Now we are about three "tough" yards from the water, the muck is so runny, we are all "neck-deep" in this brownish slime. You could actually paddle across it. I did. That's when the now "Admiral Uncle Bob" (who was apparently sobering up) yelled at me, "Knock that shit off, boy"! I obeyed, but I knew his weakness. I said, "Want another SODIE , Uncle Bob? The beer is still ice cold". Uncle Bob graciously replied, "I thought you'd never ask". I crawled into the boat. Yeah, I was totally messing up the boat's (what was once white) interior, but I had no choice... seeing as how this fishing trip in Hell demanded that I keep Uncle Bob at-least somewhat "plastered". Uncle Bob understood...he didn't say shit. I gave my Dad a beer too! Dad thanked me with a tired and sweaty WWII Marine Corps kinda grin. I looked at my brother Joe-Bob...he was smiling that million dollar patented nervous smile. While the men drank Miller's, Joe and I had Dr Pepper's, it was kinda nice...well except for all the boats going by, honkin'-and-blarin'their horns, pointing and laughing at our stupid asses! Kinda humiliating, all right, I'd say. But it wouldn't be the first time, nor my last. A drunk rich guy (a rich Uncle Bob) in a big cabin cruiser took pity on us, threw us a line, and towed us outta the strangle-hold of the Suisun Slime. Uncle Bob thanked the rich man and told him..."I can only offer you THE CHAMPAIGN OF BOTTLED BEERS". The rich Uncle Bob laughed and accepted. Once Uncle Bob fired-up the mightily-abused 60HP (now puttin out about 2 and 1/2 HP) Evinrude the rich man was on his way. We slowly chugg-chugged our way back to the Suisun City Boat Ramp. (To be humiliatingly CONTINUED)

Is This a Great Country or WTF?

Yep! Nothing better than pickin up Mamma from her waitressing job at Hooter's on a pay day, and then taking our son (Little Bubba) next door for a toy! Our Baptist Church is also conveniently located across the street from Bob's Booze Barn. Hell, we even got us a Muslim Mosque catty-corner to a commercial jet flight school! It doesn't get any better than that! I just love how the City Fathers plan this sh*t out.
Gotta go...takin' the little lady out for Chinese dinner tonight at the FU King Restaurant!
God Bless America!!!

(hat tip to Joated who I stole the pic & idea from)

(stay tuned for more Fishing with Uncle Bob, kids!)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part V by jihadgene

Hello readers! Please go read Fishing With Uncle Bob Parts I ,II, III, & IV before you read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story. Here's where we left off... it's still 1966 and Uncle Bob is still intoxicated and not paying attention to his responsibilities as Ship's Captain (driving the damn boat) in the dreaded Suisun Slough, while lookin back at me for his "SODIE".
Long story speeds exceeding 100MPH... in this 11 year olds mind... Uncle Bob "beaches" the now-infamous light blue over white fiberglass boat.You remember? The boat that seats 4 back-to-back and is equipped with the mighty Evinrude 60HP outboard motor, capable of exceeding warp speed? Yeah, that boat. Well after we "beached", it must have been a full 15 seconds (you know, One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Etc), before anyone made a sound, and now it was my Uncle Bob's "wild laughter", filling the air, all around Suisun Slough. The laughter scared some nearby white cranes, who took flight. I looked up at them. I guess that's what those white and red colored "puffs" were that I saw coming out the aft-end of the boat, as we went whap-whapping through the tulies (reeds). How many hundreds of those majestic birds must have been slaughtered by my Uncle Bob's boat, I wondered? Oh well. My Dad stood up, drained the last 2 oz from his Miller High Life bottle, burped, then picked up the anchor (the one we dragged across the bottom of Lake Berryessa) and with a big inebriated smile, DROPPED ANCHOR, throwing it over the side of the boat and into the muck where it very slowly sank about two feet. My Uncle Bob and my Dad now went totally APE-SHIT with laughter!!! My brother Joe-Bob was even laughing! Oh great...I own brother must be into the beer, as well. Just when I began thinking I'm the only sane and sober person in this boat, it hit me....we beached this puppy! Even with drunk Uncle Bob at the helm, I was, despite life's deck of cards being stacked against me, still ALIVE, and may well live to see my 12th birthday!!! I could of had a come-to-Jehovah moment, like my Mom, but naw! Besides the Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Christmas, the bastards! Seeing how full of life and happy my other shipmate's were....I went full-blown "Pentecostal Preacher-man"! Yes, I went JIMMY SWAGGART!!! I started jumpin' around, doing double-back-flips, yellin' Hosanna's!!!! Having survived death, I began wildly laughing too! We all then pointed at the sinking anchor and laughed our fool-heads off! It could'a been because of all the beer they drank, but I swear my Dad and my Uncle Bob were talking in slurred tongues! I tell ya, the sky was never more blue, nor the muck never more muckier! Hallelujah!
Ya know that nice Christian Church song "Because He Lives"? Well, stuck in the muck and mire of the Suisun Slough back in 1966, I did my own version, on my knees, in the bottom of that now
mud-splattered, light blue over white fiberglass boat, that seats 4 back to back, with the beat-up and once mighty 60HP Evinrude outboard motor. I sang...

"Because We Beached"

Because We Beached
I can face tomorrow
Because they Drink
All fear is gone
Because I know
I again have a future
And life is worth the living
Because we beached


Well...My brother Joe-Bob, apparently overcome with joyous "nervous-smiling" emotion, jumped outta the boat, and got down on his knees! Just when I thought I had saved my very first SINNER, I realized I had done no such thing. Holy crap! Joe had only sunk up to his knees in the slough's muck. It was then Uncle Bob said, after gettin' another Miller High Life out of the cooler, "I'll get the bird feathers and blood off of this here windshield. In the meantime, you all get out and push this sum-bitch back out to sea"!
Shit. Even the God's of Jimmy Swaggart were against me. (To be continued)

Monday, June 16, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part IV by jihadgene

Hello readers! Please go read Fishing With Uncle Bob Parts I ,II, & III, before you read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story. Note*** the photo may look like two US Navy Fast Boats, and they ARE! These fast-boats actually trained in the Suisun Slough Area in the 60's and 1970's. This photo was taken around 1978. This is a photograph of them in Suisun Slough! In's places it's narrower. See those reeds on shore? Those are called tulies (pronounced two-lee's). The crap (soil?) on the shore they grow in is just about that.....CRAP! When the tide goes out, all that icky, gooey, muck is exposed. When you walk in it, it will suck the shoes and socks off your feet. Inland you will only be knee deep in this slime, as you get closer to the waters edge, the deeper you sink. It is hard to rinse off and you will look like a victim of the Exxon Valdez oil spill of 1989. What I'm saying is, the shit's nasty and you don't even want to be trampin' around in it ! I think US NAVY SEALS bury the guy's there, in that shit, who don't quite make it through SEAL Training.

Now, where we last left off in Part III, of our wonderful fishing adventure with Uncle Bob, it was early summer, in the year of our Lord (my Mom's Jehovah Witness God) Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-Six (1966). 1966... that was when my Uncle Bob received his first shoreline standing ovation! He was applauded for successfully launching/propelling us (my Dad- who was getting drunk. Me-JihadGene(age 11). And my brother Joe-Bob(age13) -who said little, if any, and often smiled nervously) sideways off the boat's trailer and into the water. We hung on, and despite the odds against us, landed right-side-up in Uncle Bob's light blue over white fiberglass 16' boat, that seats 4 back-to-back, and powered with a mighty 60HP Evinrude outboard motor, capable of reaching ungodly speeds, when operated by a drunk, in the Suisun Slough! Uncle Bob parked his Bob-Mobile, a 1965 or '66 Chevy-Corvair-Monza-Spider, with the boat trailer still somehow attached. Uncle Bob walked down to us at the dock carrying his empty Hills Brothers 5 lbs coffee can to piss in while captaining his trusty boat. Being the good Captain that he was...he made sure, this time, unlike at Lake Berryessa, that the anchor was now INSIDE the boat. And off we went....

Like I said, we were now after sturgeon. These fish can go from a couple of feet long to well over 10 feet and weigh hundreds of pounds! I'm talking a big honkin' prehistoric fish! We only had light tackle and some worms but I figured Uncle Bob knew what he was doing and would just use the worms for chum and use me and my brother for some serious bait, if need be. I sat back to back with my brother Joe-Bob, who was facing forward, as my Dad sat back to back with Uncle Bob, the Pilot of our boat. I never knew that a 60HP outboard Evinrude could reach speeds of over 100MPH but when Uncle Bob was drinkin, and he was always drinkin, anything was possible. We were swerving in and out of boat traffic! Man, those cabin cruisers horns were really blaring!!! Uncle Bob just laughed and downed more beer. My Father downed more beer, My brother Joe-Bob continued to smile nervously/mysteriously. I wanted to go the hell home.

Uncle Bob was now all over the waterway, as he was now trying to piss in that coffee can of his, while steering the boat at over 100MPH. Now having "Drained the Main Vein", Uncle Bob is lookin back at me and yell's "Get me a SODIE, boy"! I'm scared cause Uncle Bob ain't watching where the boat's going and I panic! I handed him a "God-Forbid" Dr Pepper! Now Uncle Bob, who should be steering this fiberglass bullet-of-a-boat, is just looking at me and yellin' "Don't you know what the hell a SODIE is, boy"? I say loudly, "Sorry" and hand him a Miller High Life. My Dad chuckles, and now my brother Joe-Bob finally begins to "speak for the first time", since this fishin' trip started out....softly at first... and then I hear his immortal words, rapidly increasing in volume...oh no. Oh. No. Oh NO!!!NO-NO-NO-No-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!!!

Next thing I know, I hear a big old WHUMPFFF, kind of a sound! Then the boat starts to shake-n-shudder, and act like it is on some kind'a oil-slicked roadway! The mighty 60HP Evinrude outboard engine suddenly bucks upward like it wants to sit in the back of Uncle Bob's boat with me and my Dad! Now I notice there are these tulies (reeds) shootin by us at speeds that must be exceeding 120MPH, on both sides of the boat! I could reach out and touch them. They make a rapid-fire Whap-WHAPPING sound, as we plow through them! We're slowing down now, and stop, after about 100 yards. Yes. It's. True.
We are now beached in the mucky slime of Suisun Slough......(to be painfully CONTINUED) JG

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part III by jihadgene

Hello readers! Please go read Fishing With Uncle Bob Parts I & II before you read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story.
So there we were at the Suisun Slough City Boat Ramp and my usually unflappable, yet drunken Uncle Bob, was gettin' a bit distracted by some girls in bikinis. Actually my Dad, my brother Joe-Bob (13), and even me, at the ripe old age of 11 in 1966, were all found to be admiring California's swim-wear fashions. Seems when you're pretty-much-soused, and oooogaling/eye-balling bikini clad girls, you tend to forget things. Kinda important things... like when backing up a 1965 or '66 ChevyMonza Spider (Corvair really) to launch a 16' light blue over white fiberglass boat with the mighty Evinrude 60HP outboard was kinda important to be LOOKING where the hell you're GOING when backing the boat into the water. After Uncle Bob had jack-knifed that boat, driving the piece of crap Chevy-Corvair-Monza- Spider, about....oh.... 17 times... we were gathering quite an audience near the dock. Finally, my Uncle Bob was focused! Like an old work-horse, who new where the barn was, Uncle Bob threw her back into reverse and floored it!!! Now, I don't know much about 1965 or '66 Chevy- Monza-Corvair-Spider's but if I were to do a Car and Driver report on one, it would read like this:
"While road-testing the Spider it was a real "PIG" in all four gears going forward on even an even graded roadway! However, once in "REVERSE and FLOORED" (witnessed by a large audience) on about a 45 degree downslope of a boat-ramp from Hell, the 1965 or '66 Chevy- Corvair-Monza-Spider (with a 16' boat and trailer hooked onto it's ass-end) was as quick as any Greyhound who'd just had it's ass splattered with turpentine!!!"

Again Uncle Bob, now focused and hell-bent for a successful boat-launch at all costs, almost jack-knifed the boat at a speed (in reverse, mind you) of approximately 65-70MPH! We Few....We Panicked Few... (who were in the boat) HUNG ON FOR DEAR-LIFE! My Dad almost swallowed a 12oz Miller High Life, I totally shit, and my brother Joe (who was holdin' on white-knuckled) just smiled that nervous smile of his. At the last possible second Uncle Bob slammed on the brakes, probably the parking brake too, and we, and the 16' light blue over white fiberglass boat with the mighty 60HP Evinrude Outboard Motor, slid off the side (no, not rear) of the boat trailer, and plopped neatly into the waters of Suisun Slough. Right.Side.Up.!!!! On the shore they cheered madly! Hell, Uncle Bob exited the Monza, took off his kind'a Frank Sinatra looking straw hat, and took a bow! The crowd went wild and cheered even louder!!! My Dad was now laughing and grabbing for another beer. I didn't look at my brother Joe-Bob. I knew he was smiling.I was sooo screwed. (To Be Continued)...

*Remember our Men in Uniform this Father's Day! JG

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part II by jihadgene

Hello readers! Please go read Fishing With Uncle Bob Part I before you read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story. Now as I said before, it was early summer 1966, we have left Lake Berryessa, with my Dad feeling no pain, with my Uncle Bob at the wheel of his cute little Monza Spider pulllin' a sixteen foot boat (powered by Miller High Life & Evinrude) feeling even LESS than no pain, and we have now swerved-our-way into the Suisun Slough dock and boat ramp area. It was impressive! Even Uncle Bob thought so. I realized this when Uncle Bob stopped, in the middle of his pissing behind the car door into the Hills Brothers coffee can, and remarked..."Look at the size of that sum-bitichin' cabin cruiser"! There were some high rollers there, for sure!
Now to launch Bob's boat...
FIRST...Uncle Bob ensured the cooler was filled to capacity with a case of Miller High Life and two Dr Pepper's, one for me and one for my brother Joe-Bob, then the coolers were meticulously topped off with ice. Uncle Bob, who supervised us doing this, nodded his approval, belched loudly and laughed! My Dad laughed. I looked to my older brother Joe-Bob who only smiled that million dollar nervous smile of his, but said nothing. I felt so damn doomed!
Well, I guess Uncle Bob must have sensed my bummed-out attitude...( Hell, I thought I was going to the morgue that afternoon on a one-way-ride. That is if they found our chewed-up and water-logged corpses in the Suisun Slough before we were washed out into the Pacific!)...and...

NEXT... Uncle Bob proceeded to give us all a Pep Talk...while eyeballing me, specifically. Though his words were slurred....his message was immortal, intimidating, and clear! I watched as my own drunken Uncle Bob (a true Texan like my Dad) turned into President Lyndon Baines Johnson before my very eyes! LBJ...I mean Uncle Bob said..." I know you men are armed with only Zebco model 202 fishing reels, a meager handful of #6 Eagle Claw hooks, some K-Mart six pound test fishing line, a few split shot (for weights), and a couple of swivels, but we can catch these big fish using only night crawlers and tiny red-worms! Hell, anchovy cost more than beer! I will not stand for that, bullshit! You will get in this boat right-now, under your own power, or I'll by-God grab you by the ears, like some stupid Beagle-Dog, and throw you in! Like it or not"!!!
My Dad laughed like hell.!I cursed Jehovah and all His Witnesses for being such ass-holes as to let a good kid like me croak at such an early age!!! I just knew my little sister would be happy.
At this point I had nothing else to lose. I looked to my brother Joe for some support... Shit! He was just smiling that nervous smile.. LBJ's orders...I mean Uncle Bob's instructions were for my Dad and us two boys to get into the boat. Uncle Bob was gonna launch us. He tried! And he tried again! After another beer Uncle Bob realized....(to be continued)...

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part I by jihadgene

Twas the early summer of 1966 when I was really getting into catching fish and my Uncle BOB (the happiest guy to ever drink beer and drive) invited us to go fishing with him. I was soooo excited! He had a boat and everything! My Dad, who was a US Marine at Guadalcanal and later at Tarawa during WWII, probably had his doubts, but figured that me and my brother, needed to learn survival skills. Yes, it was 1966 and Uncle Bob was takin' me (at age 11), my brother Joe Bob (at age 13) , and my Dad (younger than Bob) out fishing on his beautiful new 16', light blue over/white colored, fiberglass boat, with a (then ) powerful 60 Horse Power out-board Evinrude motor!!! There was only one slight draw-back....Uncle Bob was a DRUNK! But in all honesty, he was a FUN drunk!
Well, we left the city limits of Fairfield, Ca and headed to beautiful LAKE BERRYESSA in yet another draw back... a Chevy Monza Spider. A Chevy Monza Spider is just a couple of fancy words for a stinking Chevy Corvair, with about 15 more horse power, and a stick shift with a white knob. The Spider was black with a red interior. Shit, I'll never forget it! Now, I got nothin' against Corvair's understand, but anyone who pulls a 16 foot boat with a trailer using a damn little Corvair on the twisting and snakey road to LAKE BERRYESSA, while sober (let alone DRUNK), has a deep-seeded "Death Wish"! It seems Uncle Bob, was already "primed" for the trip, judging by his loud and boisterous behavior. So we got about 20 miles outta town when Uncle Bob pulls over for a much needed pit- stop. It seems Bob, a veteran drinker and driver, packed his customary empty "Hills Brothers" 5lb coffee can between me and my brother in the back seat of the Monza Spider, which was equipped with the cool 4-speed-stick-shift and white colored knob. My Dad, who is a non-drinker, began drinking at this point. Being young and dumb, I thought nothing of it. YeeHaw! We're going fishin'! My brother only smiled nervously. Uncle Bob opened the driver's door, took the coffee can and simultaneously waved at passers-by while takin' a piss. He was happy! I laughed. Dad drank more and my brother slouched down low in the small seat of that classic Monza SPIDER, smiling. Well, we got there! We fished and fished!Uncle Bob fired up the Evinrude to a "good fishin' speed" of 35 or 40 MPH, for all of, I guess it was maybe 20 entire minutes! Oh well, Uncle Bob was running low on "sodies", as he called them, so it was time to go. Time to go and get more beer, that is. No need to pull anchor, as we had dragged it across the lake bottom the entire time anyways. My Father (the non-drinker) just drank more beer. My brother smiled nervously. The look on my Dad's face told me he needed many more (beers) to get through this "family reunion" of a fishing trip. So somehow, Uncle Bob gets the boat onto the trailer, without incident. My Dad burps, and smiles. Bob pisses, farts, and laughs. My brother looks nervous and smiles. We load up in the MONZA. My Dad pulls out some Pepto Bismol and Uncle Bob, then seeing that my father had-had enough, proudly and loudly announced that we were not mere fishers of fresh-water fish, but rather, fishers of Sturgeon in the brackish waters of Suisun Slough! Suisun Slough is a place... that though I had never been there before (and I will never go back)...must look exactly like the Delta region of South Vietnam (reeds and all) . It's shore is an oozing, gooey, blackish, kinda muck. It looks nasty, like some kinda sewage, and your feet will sink a minimum of two feet into it.
But back to leaving LAKE BERRYESSA. Remember how I told you the road had all these twists and turns? Well, just try it while a drunk is at the wheel, driving way-too-fast downhill, in a little Monza Spider with a boat and trailer towed behind it. One moment the left rear tire and boat were hanging off the hardtop, the next it was the right side catching nothing but air!. The tires were screeching! It sounded like fingernails scratching the blackboard! It was then I became very familiar with the term "being scared shitless". I don't know how he did it but my Uncle Bob could manage to keep at least one tire hanging off the edge of the cliff at all times, while laughing, drinking beer, and joking with my Dad. Since my Mom was a Jehovah's Witness, I was praying to The Jehovah God, his-self! I swore I wouldn't make fun of my little sister anymore and that I really didn't mean to call my Elder Sister (Carol) a JACKASS. I swore I'd go door to door 7 days a gawd-damn week, spreadin' the "Gospel of Jehovah", if He would just get me outta this fishing trip in Hell! Since my Dad was a Baptist and it looked like we'd fall off into the lake, I told all the God's who would listen, that I didn't need another baptism. In this case at the bottom of LAKE BERRYESSA. I looked at my brother, he smiled nervously. Apparently the God's listened. Next stop was a gas station that sold beer, bait, and booze. Next stop, Suisun Slough! (to be continued)

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

It's ELVIS and Ann Margret! Gene & Mrs JG are dancing.!Join in!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Happy 31st Annivesary to Elisson and She Who Must Be Obeyed!

A anniversary dedication You Tube to Blogger d'Elisson and the lovely She Who Must Be Obeyed!
Congratulations from the Jihads!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My Sister is Blogging!!! Holy Crap!

Sooner or later sh*t catches up to you. There I was having a good time, all to myself on the internet, and look who's torn down my world! It's my Elder Sister Carol. She's now blogging here. My "cone of silence" is forever crushed. My Seoul exposed! Carol even thinks that ass-h*le RedNeck is funny! What goes around comes around. I was a good kid! Really!Thanks to Erica...I'm doomed! JihadGene

Where Does Fat Go? By Elder Sister Carol

It seems my Elder Sister (Carol Crookedhajib) has given up guzzling mouthwash and has taken up writing. If you have been trying to lose those extra 10-25lbs for say....oh...I don't know...maybe, the last 3 to 20 years...take heart, and have a GREAT READ!

Where does fat go?

Ever wonder where fat goes when you lose it? I think it comes to my house.

Fat floats around looking for a willing body. I’m convinced I have 30 pounds that rightfully belong to someone else. And some of it must be my husband’s fault. When fat cells float over our bed at night, why can’t he absorb some of them?

It’s sort of like “The Three Bears.” The fat cells look at him and say, “No, he’s too firm.”

Then they float over to me and say, “She’s just right. Perfect for a fat attack!”

Lately, it’s as if fat cells have rented tour buses and taken the scenic route to my side of the bed.

“Your theory is not biologically true,” Bill said when I made him change sides of the bed with me. “Fat flushes out of the body with other liquids.”

I had him there. “Have you seen that guy on TV who lost 75 pounds in two months?” I asked. “Do you really think anyone can pee away 75 pounds in two months?”

“False advertising,” Bill said. “When you lose weight, fat is converted to energy. It just goes out into the air.”

I had him there. “My point exactly,” I said. “Out into the air, watching and waiting for me.”

“You’re becoming paranoid,” he warned.

“With my luck, paranoia has calories,” I said, but by then he wasn’t listening.

Slim people don’t understand fat. Biological Bill has what he calls his Pepsi and Frito diet.” With every meal, he eats a small bag of Fritos and drinks a Pepsi. Within two days he says, “Wow! I’ve lost three pounds.”

I floss the alfalfa sprouts out of my teeth before I get on the scales. (You wouldn’t think grazing could cause so many problems.) If he’s lost three pounds, they’ve found me.

The answer is for me to invent a kind of radar for fat. There would be a lot of money and maybe even a Nobel prize for a machine like that. Rich, thin, and recognized – that would be great.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

KIM Jong IL, Obama, Oprah, and Judy Tenuta

Meanwhile somewhere south of the Chi-coms "soakin'-wet" Olympic Torch, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL reflecting on....well, let's just see...

WANG- (Norko's 7 star General)
What's going on, Big Bossman?
You depressed or something, Sir?

KIM- Me? Dee-plessed? Never happen, GI! I'm just be thinking.

WANG- A penny for your thoughts, Great One.

KIM- What's Penny got to do with this? Wasn't she Will Rob-lynn-son's sister on TV show "Lost In Space"?

WANG- What I meant, Sir, is
what are you thinking about?

KIM- I knew that! I'm thinkings of Barrack Who's-Named Obama and why for him no go to I-Whack (Iraq) looong time! Maybe like 2 years (or Mexican talk for McCain supporters "DOS ANOS').

WANG- Well, he's a very busy man I'm sure, what with the campaign and all, your Greatness. After all, he is a man of CHANGE, and that takes great effort, Sir.

KIM- Yeah, Wang. I'm thoughts abrout that, but the own-ree things he changed lately has been his US flag lapel pin, his choice of Pastors, and the Trinity United Against Whitey Church in Chicargo.

KIM- You think he'll come talk to the Great Reader, Wang?

WANG- Not only that Sir, but I'll bet he brings Oprah with him as well!

KIM- WOW! Maybe she'll give me a new car!!!

WANG- Hey, it could happen!

KIM- You sounded just rike Judy Tenuta! That reminds me lets get the Joy Brigade and have them bring their accordions!

WANG- Right away, Sir!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Family Life and Survival Techniques of a Blogger by jihadgene

Did I tell you about the time my elder sister CAROL
( the WWW-Wicked Witch of the West) kid-napped my dog, TOE-TOE, and sent the flyin' monkey's of WEST San Joaquin County over to kick my ass? She may have even been sober that afternoon, I swear! Well, we had a big storm one day and I saw this humongous freekin house, an English Tudor, approximately 3200sq. ft. (unfurnished), with 3BR, 2&1/2 bath, formal DR, LR, FR, Study, 2 lovely fireplaces (which California is out-lawing), complete with a detached 2 car garage and a work bench, come flyin' outta the sky and headed straight for my "too-young-to-die" ass!. Knowing all about fire safety (self preservation), I told my little sister Susie (the WWE- Wicked Witch of the East) who is college educated like my elder sister, to STOP, DROP, AND ROLL IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FALLING HOUSE!! Susie, being a good little Nazi who always ratted me off to Dad, did as she was told. I so miss playing dirty tricks on her college-educated ass.
Meanwhile... In behind the house (at my12 o'clock) came these two fully loaded squadrons of blue-faced flyin' monkeys! I could'a turned and ran, cowardly lion that I am, but I was, after-all, an American Fighting Man! So... naturally... I winged it! Having had some limited knowledge of Aircraft Carrier Flight Operations (thanks to PBS), I immediately grabbed some nearby Ping-Pong paddles and waved those Chettah-Faced bitches off! Most caught on to my ruse (they must have been educated in private schools) and attempted another landing. Well, thanks to a well-oiled pump-action model 870 Remington 12 gauge shot gun, with a butt-load of .00 buck, plus an extended tube magazine, I sent many a monkey to their happy banana-hunting grounds! Of 48 King monkeys (Kong type) only two RTB'd (returned to base) and even they eventually, and tragically, ended their lives jumpin' off the bed! I received nothing for this, but what the hell. I'm a conservative who lives in California. I have nothing coming. Nothin' new about that.
I could go back to skool, ya know...OH SCREW THAT!!! I'm busy bloggin'!!!JG

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Truth According to Baghdad Bob

Reporting live (or possibly dead) from the "War on America" some observations of Baghdad Bob-

#1- JihadGene is not within 500 miles of the nearest keyboard, so as to twist my words, or my astute observations of the world around me!

#2- Erica is really a bowler! She knows nothing of shooting pool!

#2- I can count! I'm Just testing you!

#3- Teresa is a homeless blogger who wanders the countryside taking pictures of peoples homes, sheds, and flowers. She begs for money but do not be fooled! She spends it all on wireless internet service providers!!!

#4- Jimbo, of Parkway Rest Stop is hunkered-down in a bunker somewhere in Colorado and owns this alligator farm! He is deathly afraid that Erica will find him and give him a NOOGIE!

#5- RedNeck does not live anywhere near North Carolina! He bloggs from a Iranian bathhouse and male massage parlor in downtown Tehran, looking for Mister Right!

#6- GUYK worked for Kofi Annan as a UN Special Advisor! He got the boot when he ratted-out Kofi's son in the Food for Oil Program. He has been begging UN Secretary General, Ban Ki MOON, for a job but has been repeatedly rejected.

#6- Who's counting here?

#7- Drunken Wisdom's own That 1 Guy is a shape-shifter! Whatever you do do not put Flat Stanley in your trouser pockets! An infidel "PERV", just like the RedNeck!

#7 and 1/2- That 1 Guy (T1G) really only weighs 143 lbs fully clothed and sopping wet! All his ramblings about being on a diet are bullocks dung!

#8- JihadGene's Elder Sister (Carol) was last seen on a "jazzy scooter" headed southbound on California Highway 99 toward Fresno! JG has been filling sandbags and laying-in enough supplies for a two year siege, ever since. Gene was overheard saying, "If she'd just sober up".

#9- It took Straight White Guy two 1000 round boxes of .22 cal ammo, seven hand grenades, 14 claymore mines, one case of Budweiser, and an M242 Bushmaster 25mm chain-gun, to kill one scrawny squirrel! SWG said (after surveying the ruins of his neighborhood) "OOORah!!! Got that Sum-Bitch"!

#16- Joated does none of the work, shown on his blogg. The US Border Patrol wants to speak with him.

#9- Cappy works for Joated.

#37- Mommynator, while she "IS" in a hospital, well..let's just be nice and say "she doesn't work there".

#2- Deltabravo is actually barren. She has no teenage daughters, and is in a cell across the hall from Mommynator. Poor DB.

#10- (Finally) Saddam, Uday, & Qusay are alive and well. They work as fry cooks in Baker, California's "The Mad Greek Restaurant". Fully employed, they are currently drawing unemployment benefits, and are taking on-line college classes, paid for by California's tax-payers (all 1,567 of them), from UC Berkeley. JG

Saturday, June 7, 2008

It's WWE Time!!!

Great Reader & Son will be in Fresno watching WWE Wrestling tonight!

*Vote Democrat* VOTE FESTUS!!!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Consumer Report! Who Sucks More? OBAMA, or the SEARS Wet-n-Dry Vac?


Barrack OBAMA says..."I'm the only major candidate who opposed this war from the beginning. And as president I will end it. Second, I will cut tens of billions of dollars in wasteful spending. I will cut investments in unproven missile defense systems.
I will not weaponize space. I will slow our development of future combat systems.
And I will institute an independent "Defense Priorities Board" to ensure that the Quadrennial Defense Review is not used to justify unnecessary spending. Third, I will set a goal of a world without nuclear weapons. To seek that goal, I will not develop new nuclear weapons; I will seek a global ban on the production of fissile material; and I will negotiate with Russia to take our ICBMs off hair-trigger alert, and to achieve deep cuts in our nuclear arsenals".

Here's the video of him saying exactly this in February of 2008, only 4 months ago.

Here's what's gone on as of late (5 June 08).
It seems, we in the USA, have conducted yet another successful anti-ballistic missile test. What does "I will cut investments in unproven missile defense systems", mean? It sounds like something KIM Jong IL and others like him, would love to see. Or the Chinese gotta love this..."I will not weaponize space." Yeah. Space, the final frontier! Somebody beam this shit-head back to Oprah! And here's a big enemy crowd pleaser, "I will SLOW our development of future combat systems". That's rich. Speaking of rich, how about this..."I will set a goal of a world without nuclear weapons". Settting goals, while good, must also be F%$KING realistic!
Face facts...OBAMA'S shit is weak. He is not Big League material but is a soft ball playa for Team REZKO. If OBAMA'S elected as our President, our futures (kids too) are on the line because of his dumbassery! Barrack is UNPROVEN as a President. Let's keep him that way. Just had ta get this outta me. I can't believe Obama is such a dumb fu*k. But he is. He. damn. sure. is.
*Oh yeah! The "Clinical Test" results are in and...

It's FRIDAY! Dance with KIM Jong IL's Armed Forces!

You are less than nothing when it comes to dancing, in the eyes of our glorious Great Reader KIM Jong IL! You lackeys of George WWW. Boosh are less than nothing! Now CLANK IT UP and GROOVE to that 80's tune HEY MmmLICKY!!!

Ruv my readers Looong Time!!!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Great Reader Launches Psycho (logical) Attack via Radio (not free) North Korea


*(sexy norko gal talking)

Hell-row JOE! Why for you not same-same like that People's of Norf Vietnam War Hero, John Kerry, JOE?
Lay down your arms, JOE. Take a powder! It's Millers Time! This Bluds for you! Soon you can be chillin' wiff da homies! Imagine yourselfs back home ghost-ridin in your pimped-out Chevy Vega...just you and Woe-sie WottenCrotch making Whoopi-Goldsberg in the back seat/twunk area, of your ride! You pop in an 8 twack tape of Jimmy Hendrickson playing your heathen national anthumb while you bump and gwind... and gwoove... and move. You kiss her looong... you kiss her hard, but just like that Vanilla Fudge song, "she's not there". Instead she is kissing "like the Fwench"... a guy named Jose, who worked as a landscaper for Mitt Romney, until his immigration status was discovered. Don't you wanna lay down your arms, JOE, and go home? Claim victory and cum home quickly as a hero to the cities of Denver, Berkeley, Madison, Portland, Boston, the list grows on and on. Many ugly girls and pretty-boys too, (don'ts ask don'ts tell), in those cities. They love you looong time if you do-do this JOE. While laying down arms of World Oil Seeking Haliburton Domination, kick down with a vote for BARRACK "WHO'S-NAMED" OBAMA! Listen to his nice talk JOE. Him talk happy talk. Everybodys happy, JOE. Look, peoples in San Francisco happy. Taliban happy. Gay President of Iran happy. Jack Murtha and Harry Reid happy. Nancy Pelosi and her Moose-limb boyfriend in Damascus is happy! News Anchors Charlie GLibson & Katie Hootchie-Mama Couric happy! You can be happy too, JOE. It's for yours countrys own good JOE. Vote OBAMA, JOE. You'll be home soon and fighting AQ back home before you know it, JOE. And simultaneously fighting for socialized health care, for Welfare, for John McCain's Amnesty JOE! It just doesn't get any better than that...huh, JOE? Well, I have to go now JOE. Nighty-nite, JOE. This is PYONGYANG PEGGY signing off for now...
*(male voice)
And now, on to the-news! Comrade PARK My Car has won the nation-wide "Why I RUV Great Reader KIM Jong IL LOOONG TIME", essay...

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Are You Playing a Game of Horse? Or...Did You See the Simpson's Movie?

Man, I was having fun in the sun with my 12 year old boy today! My son finished school on Friday, and damn-it, I just can't go cold turkey, straight into summer! So I took him to his school, so I could get some much-needed EXERCISE and see where they used ta hold him prisoner, whilst I had some peace and quiet. Gosh I miss his school! Enough. Well, first we were shooting some hoop, then later went for a walk/run around the school track. Our son's school is a private (religious) school. That's the only way to go, out here in Arnold Schwarzenegger Land (Kow-wee-forn-ya). So anyways sonny and I, both having seen and laughed at, the Simpson's Movie, are playing a game of "Pig Crap Silo". It's like playing a game of horse, where when you miss an identical shot, made by your opponent, you get a letter. So the one who spells the word first, in our case it's three games, one of PIG...then CRAP....and then SILO, is the "loser". So we're playing at the religious school when a nice old silver-headed, man-of-the-cloth approaches us and kindly asks, "You playing a game of horse'?
Well, my son, being the totally honest one, (before I can intervene and say YES) says loudly and proudly, " We're playing a game of PIG CRAP SILO, Sir"! I'm thinking unclean thoughts, like HOLY SHIT, SON! Or SHUT THE HELL UP, BOY!! It's written all over my non-poker playing face as I'm turning beet-red while Father Murphy is choking on his coffee and laughing his ass off at my son's response. He must'a seen the Simpson's Movie! Ya think? At the end of the games I ended up with PIG and SILO....but I felt like red-faced CRAP! My son asked, "Why's your face so red, Dad"? "I'm just outta shape", I said. Hope I don't have to find another school. JG ;)

Who Do You Love? RIP Bo Diddley

I remember singing US Army cadences when double-timing to the rifle ranges. One of 'em was, "Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley, have you heard? We're gonna jump from a big iron bird"! Missing you looong time Bo Diddley. JG
Here's a great video TURN IT UP!!!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Meadal of Honor Awarded Today to PFC Ross A. McGinnis

From the Bible it says in the book of John, chapter 15 verse 13-
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Go to read this hero's story who saved four lives by giving up his own at BLACKFIVE dot net.

Harriet Christian on Democrats. One New Yorker's View.

I would vote Harriet Christian for President! Hell, she's almost feisty enough to be my big sister (Carol)....well... maybe not that feisty. but. close.JG