Friday, October 3, 2014

Obama's Message to the People of Dallas

I just spoke with President Obama and he has assured me that Ebola is only the J.V. of viruses. Stay tuned for Tomahawks over Texas. -Bob out.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

KIM Jong Un and Chelsea Clinton

Meanwhile...somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong Un surprised by THIS news nugget. (click here)

KIM: (on computer) Huh???!!! Chelsea Crintton on speaking tour??? General Wang! General Wang! Come krick!

WANG: Right here, Great One! What seems to be the matter, Sir? Comcast down again?

KIM: No, Commiecast is working fine...but look!  (points at screen)

WANG: Wowsers! She makes as much as $75, 000 (US) per speaking engagement, Sir. She's making bank!

KIM: You ain't whistling Dixie Chicks, Wang!

WANG: But Sir...what's she going to talk about?

KIM:  All kind of matter 'o facts , General Wang! Very LOOONG time sad and heart-winching stories she will tell!!! (amused grin on face)

WANG: Really? Sad stories?

KIM: Very sad store-wees! Imagine the probably-hillbillies!  (dreamy grin on face) 

WANG: (now with dreamy grin on face) You're right, Great Reader! I see her in my mind's eye... speaking about poverty, soup kitchens, military service, and rejection.

(General Wang goes into trance and begins channeling Chelsea Clinton)

KIM: (evil grin...with eyes wide) You, Wang! You are Shellsea Crintton! Speak to me! Speak now, Shellsea!

WANG: (with Chelsea's voice) When we left the White House we were "Dead Broke". We had to eat gruel served up in soup kitchens. Mom couldn't even bake cookies. After Buddy the dog got run over ...we ate him.

KIM: (encouraging) MMMmmm...yummy! Go on!

WANG: I was in the bad part of town...always dodging sniper fire with my Mom. It was good training for me. It made me tough!

KIM: (sounding like a Korean Ed McMahon) Really? How toughs were you?

WANG: I was so tough, I went into a Marine Corps recruiter's office!

KIM: Wheelie?! What happened??

WANG: Yes, really! I volunteered for the Marine Corps and for a combat tour of duty! A tour of duty as a member of Force Recon!

KIM: (laughing) Yes! YES!

WANG: But I was RE-JECTED! (eyes watering) 

KIM: (jumping up and down for joy) 
I'm know! I'm knows why you were ejected! 

WANG: (coming out of trance) ...Why, Great Reader? Why was Chelsea rejected by the Marine Corps?

KIM: Because of the Repubbrickans "War on Women"!

WANG: Bingo, Sir!


(Thanks LOOONG time to Carrie C. for the inspiration of this piece!)

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Obama Grants Amnesty

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS!!! President Barack Whosenamed Obama has just granted "TEAM BRAZIL" amnesty! According to Obama...Team Brazil will be redeployed to Colorado where they will be welcomed and given a great victory parade, sponsored by the Denver Bronco's! So...smoke 'em if you got 'em! It's legal there. That is all.

Friday, July 4, 2014

It's 4th of July Friday-Let's Dance!

It's a 4th of July Friday! Let's dance and be sure to keep our wonderfully wonderful US Armed Forces and their families in your prayers very LOOONG time!!! Call me maybe???

Friday, June 27, 2014

It's Friday-Let's Dance

It's been a long time* since I posted a Let's Dance. So have a SPAM (spiritually powered and motivated) Friday, wear a red shirt for our deployed troops, and always keep the brave men and women of our wonderful US Armed Forces in your prayers LOOONG time!!! As the Great Reader KIM Jong Un wood say..."Let's wok 'n lol"!
*Thanks to Soldiers' Angel, Sherri K. for todays tune.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Mastermind of Benghazi Captured?

Meanwhile.....back home in the DPRK, we find Great Reader KIM Jong Un receiving a security briefing from Norf Korea's 7 star General Wang. 
WANG: It seems the Americans, with "President Obama's blessings", have finally captured "The Mastermind of Benghazi"!
KIM: Really??? They captured the Tree Stooges? 
WANG: The 3 Stooges, Sir?
KIM: Yeah, you knows...Obama, Hillary, and Susan Rice. ROR! (raff out roud)
WANG: (regaining military bearing), Sir. It seems they have captured Ahmed Abu Khattala.
KIM: Well, I'll be kimchee'd! I thought they imprisoned that You Tubed film maker LOOONG time ago!!!
KIM: And they're gonna hold him in Gitmo! ROR!
WANG: And trade him for O.J. Simpson, Sir! ROR!
KIM: (drying eyes) Good one, Wang!


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Victory in Iraq

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS!!! Nobel Peace Prize recipient, Barack Whosenamed Obama has declared "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq and is "redeploying" the US Embassy there. Vice Premier  Joe Biden has put out a call for all available Taliban Commanders to please contact the White House. That is all.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Impeach Obama No Way

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS!!! US President Barack Whosenamed Obama says he was lied to and tricked into giving up the 5 Taliban commanders who "served with honor and distinction" while incarcerated at Club Gitmo . Obama has now drawn a red line in the sands of Omaha Beach over this! Reportedly, Obama vowed that...Allah willing...he will have Susan Rice's head once he gets to the bottom of this! When asked about possible impeachment proceedings, Obama said that the Vice President told him it was no big f@&king deal. Furthermore...Obama stated he spoke with 5 Star Attorney General Eric Holdon who told Obama that he was safe under Nancy Pelosi's "No Deserter Left Behind Act". Stay tuned.

Oprah does it Obama Style

*Funny photo thanks to Ranger Up Military & MMA Apparel 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Obama forms Company

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS!!! Seeing that his term of "fairness in ruling" is soon ending, sweetheart of Hollywood and theTaliban's BFF, President Barack Whosenamed Obama has announced the opening of a new film company! Obama crowed that his tax dollar funded and tax exempt business will not only help the unemployed...but will also help veterans! He claims to have done this by hiring Veteran Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki as Co Director of Obama's...Smartiscool Works! Their first film is "Sure to be a hit with veterans!"...Susan Rice reports. Joe Biden, VP of Smartiscool Works, touts the film as, "A real morale booster for veterans waiting to get on a VA waiting list". The film should be in theaters and soup kitchens on November 11th. The film is called...Lone Deserter. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Happy Armed Forces Day!

Lawn needs mowing today? Screw it, man! Blow the damn lawn up and have a barbecue! It's Armed Forces day for God's sake!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

KIM Jong Un Video Game

Finally! A video game I can play! I guess it's coming out June 25th?  Oh your Korean War history lessons and have an awesome Thursday LOOONG time!!!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Obama Warns Putin

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS!!! The Kenyan-American President, Barack Whosenamed Obama has just issued a stern warning to Russia's President Putin! 

Obama is shown here drawing a red line in the sand. President Obama said, "I want to make it perfectly clear, to President Putin and to the people of Russia, that the invasion of Augusta's National Golf Course prior to completion of the 2014 Masters Tournament, will result in an American declaration of war!"  

That is all. ;)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Life Lessons

So far... this work week has been a pain in the buttocks! Think I'll relax and have some ice's Gump Day! So will you make the rest of your day and work week happy or crappy? I pray you choose happy and hang in there LOOONG time!!! It'll get better.  

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

KIM Jong Un CVS Pharmacy Super Bowl

Meanwhile...somewhere north of the 38th Parallel...the Great Reader of Norf Korea, KIM Jong Un weighs in with his own observations on CVS Pharmacy's decision to discontinue tobacco sales in all of it's 7,600 stores. Let's hear what Great Reader has to say...

KIM:  Looks, General Wang! Looks! (Kim pointing to a DPRK version of Weekly Reader Magazine

WANG: What is it, Great One?

KIM:  I'm gonna make us witch, LOOONG time!!! 

WANG:  Witch, Sir? You mean "WITCH" as in flying monkeys and the Yellow Brick Road, Sir?

KIM:  No, no...LOOONG time NOSE!!! I'ms not tawkin about Wizzar Odds and frying monkeys...I'm tawkin about US dollah! CASH money! Look at head-rhine in magazine!

WANG:  Hmmm...It says that CVS Pharmacy is no longer selling tobacco in it's stores. So???

KIM:  So we're WITCH!

WANG:  Sir, how does that make us rich? 

KIM:  CBS Farmsee has to replace empty shelf space with some-ting, right?

WANG:  Well yes, Sir...but with what? 

KIM: Happy smoke from the good old DPRK!

WANG:  You mean marijuana, Sir? 

KIM:   Blingo, Wang! We grows it and they buys it! 

WANG:   Pot is illegal in the US. Have you been talking to Dennis Rodman again, Sir?

KIM:   No... but I have some seeds left over from his cigar! And happy smoke is not ill-eagle in 
            Seahawk and Denver Blanco states! Did you not see the Super Blow on TV with me???

WANG:   Well yes but...

KIM:   What a cruster fruck! You can't tell me those NFL CEO's wasn't high on that kwap!
             Shehawks vs Blancos. What a joke! And just rook at America's readership! John Kerry...
             Brunos Mars...John McCain...Miley Cypress! I'm telling you General Wang, happy smoke will 
             soon be completely legalalienized throughout all 53 states and the DPRK will deriver the
             goods! LOOONG time!!! Now go get me a kimchi pizza!

WANG:  Very good, Sir.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Happy New Year

In Korea, it was New Years yesterday. Today it's our turn! Have a happy not crappy New Year! May you be filled with the joy of the Great Reader and Dennis Rodman, LOOONG time!!!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

North Korea's Best Friends

BREAKING NORF KOREAN NEWS! With the announcement of Dennis Rodman's entering a rehab shortly after his return home from the glorious basketsball playing DPRK, our Great New Reader, Dicktater KIM Jong Un has announced a new best American friend four life! LOOONG time!!! 

                                  Meet, Richard Sherman.
                                          GO DENVER!