Monday, June 9, 2008
Family Life and Survival Techniques of a Blogger by jihadgene
Did I tell you about the time my elder sister CAROL
( the WWW-Wicked Witch of the West) kid-napped my dog, TOE-TOE, and sent the flyin' monkey's of WEST San Joaquin County over to kick my ass? She may have even been sober that afternoon, I swear! Well, we had a big storm one day and I saw this humongous freekin house, an English Tudor, approximately 3200sq. ft. (unfurnished), with 3BR, 2&1/2 bath, formal DR, LR, FR, Study, 2 lovely fireplaces (which California is out-lawing), complete with a detached 2 car garage and a work bench, come flyin' outta the sky and headed straight for my "too-young-to-die" ass!. Knowing all about fire safety (self preservation), I told my little sister Susie (the WWE- Wicked Witch of the East) who is college educated like my elder sister, to STOP, DROP, AND ROLL IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FALLING HOUSE!! Susie, being a good little Nazi who always ratted me off to Dad, did as she was told. I so miss playing dirty tricks on her college-educated ass.
Meanwhile... In behind the house (at my12 o'clock) came these two fully loaded squadrons of blue-faced flyin' monkeys! I could'a turned and ran, cowardly lion that I am, but I was, after-all, an American Fighting Man! So... naturally... I winged it! Having had some limited knowledge of Aircraft Carrier Flight Operations (thanks to PBS), I immediately grabbed some nearby Ping-Pong paddles and waved those Chettah-Faced bitches off! Most caught on to my ruse (they must have been educated in private schools) and attempted another landing. Well, thanks to a well-oiled pump-action model 870 Remington 12 gauge shot gun, with a butt-load of .00 buck, plus an extended tube magazine, I sent many a monkey to their happy banana-hunting grounds! Of 48 King monkeys (Kong type) only two RTB'd (returned to base) and even they eventually, and tragically, ended their lives jumpin' off the bed! I received nothing for this, but what the hell. I'm a conservative who lives in California. I have nothing coming. Nothin' new about that.
I could go back to skool, ya know...OH SCREW THAT!!! I'm busy bloggin'!!!JG