Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Greetings from the DMZ




Great Reader KIM Jong Il reporting froms the DMZ here to all of you, my gloriously literate readers, and I'm haves great news! Comrade Tammi of Tammi's World got the J.O.B.!!! So preez assist me in giving big round of appause (applause) to Tammi on fighting the good fight and flooding the corporate capitalistic pig's offices with resumes! May those who did not hire her have such not-so-hot-luck that they will be forced into laboring at a McDonald's burger factory turning out chicken McNuggets for the masses.
Also on the home front...JihadGene has had two spies shipped in from South Korea the day after Christmas on 26 Dec!!!These scoundrels were sent to Gene from his brother-in-law and best friend in da ho-wide-world, Mr U Tae KIM . These spies are named Ji Na KIM and Woong Jae KIM. Both are young adults in their 20's and consume kimchee and rice. They are a brother and sister act. They have lap tops and all kinds of crap for communications with evil family in South Korea. Gene bought lap top for Yobo (wife) and has wireless hub! Woo-hoo!!! Computers all over the house!!! Where's was I? Oh yeah... Gene and family loves Jina & Jae looong time and is very busy having a very great time with them! Tomorrow...New Year's Day...JihadGene and family go to Monterey Bay and will have a wonderful time while I am stuck here in Pyongyang. Being a DickTater with nukes can have it's disadvantages. Later Gator's!

Have "Happy" not "Crappy" New Year!!!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL
On the DMZ in California

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Love American VS Korean Style #14


In the beginning...
In Part 1- I met the girl I would marry. Her name is Kim. Love at 1st sight (for me, anyway).
In Part 2- I spent what money I had to set up a birthday party that would put me with Kim.
In Part 3- Kim gets puked on by drunk Birthday Boy. Kim leaves. I am miserable.
In Part 4- Korean Grandmothers (Shaman) take pity on me. We Kamikaze in a taxi to Kim's.
In Part 5- I survive the taxi ride. The Grandmothers tell me they will fix all. I must return to base. I can't beat the midnight curfew but I damn sure try.
In Part 6- Suicide ride on a bus bumper. Crash. Injuries and more. Concussion too! Police chase. Escape & Evade.
In Part 7- Climb a telephone pole. Steal a bike with one wheel. Make my Great Escape.
In Part 8- Ride bike into a Banjo-Ditch (sewage). Another concussion. I crawl out and am captured by the ROK Army, then returned to base.
In Part 9- Medical treatment at 0130 hours. AM meeting with Military Police 1SG Black Thunder Johnson. Made an Ambassador to South Korea. Run to Motor Pool.
In Part 10- Bicycle recovered. I fall into the banjo ditch. 1SG YOON/1SG Johnson/Me and the Korean Grandfather have a Pow-wow. Intercultural relations rebuilt. Valuable lessons learned.
In Part 11- The First Sergeants have a meeting. I am cleaned up at a ROK Army wash point. We go to Kim's. I am Elvis, to the Korean Grandmothers. I SEE KIM! We are returning to base.
In Part 12- I return to Camp with the First Sergeant's, jeep, and bicycle. My squad members, the house boys, and I.... all ponder my fate. We break for chow (lunch). I opt for a nap and am awoken by my Squad leader SSG OLY. Intro to Staff Sergeant Oly (The Big "O") and the infamous Three Beeps. Time has come...I head for the orderly room.
In Part 13- I report to the orderly room. My fate is sealed until the next day when I must report back to the First Sergeant with my Squad Leader. I am re-directed to the unit supply room and meet Sergeant James Wheeler.

As we last left off...Sgt James (Wheeler-Dealer) Wheeler is taking me and the infamous one-wheeled battered banjo-ditch bicycle to to an orphanage in Pusan, South Korea. Jimmy is a handsome Amerasian who looks totally Korean when wearing sunglasses to cover up those blue eyes of his. He used the "A" word on me again....Ambassador. Well we loaded up the bike in a jeep trailer and headed out the main gate of Camp Hialeah. Driving in Korea is kinda crazy and Sgt Wheeler drives like an expert... after all, he is from Brooklyn and when he speaks English he is every bit a New Yorker. How he speaks perfect Korean without that accent, is beyond me. We're driving through several traffic circles and eventually hit a kind of industrial area. Jimmy pulls up to a junk yard. I asked what are we doing at a junk yard and Jimmy says it's for the bike. He explains to me that while the bike is useless it is still worth something and with whatever we can get for the bike we can buy stuff for the orphanage. Jimmy says, "Cool, huh"?! I said, "It makes sense to me, but what can the orphanage use?". Sgt James Wheeler just smiled at me and said, "You really don't know? You'll see." Jimmy sold the bike to a rough looking middle-aged Korean man dressed in dirty coveralls. Regardless of race, someone who owns a salvage or junk yard is always dressed for the part with strong dirty hands from hard work, crow footed eyes, a heavily lined face from working in the sun, and a cigarette in his mouth with a long ash on it. This man was all of that. Sgt Wheeler got 1,500 Won for it, about $3 US, back in 1975. We drove a few blocks over to a corner Mom & Pop grocery store. It was like a Lee Chong's Heavenly Flower Grocery in the book Cannery Row, a place where... as John Steinbeck put it... "The grocery opened at dawn and did not close until the last wandering vagrant dime had been spent or retired for the night. Not that Lee Chong was avaricious. He wasn't, but if one wanted to spend money, he was available." That pretty much sums up a Korean merchant. Hard working and never a day off. The little store was stuffed to the gills with inventory. I was amazed at all the stuff inside! They had cheap toys, pens, pencils, paper, Napa cabbage, Mi-Won (MSG), salt, long green onions, giant radishes, candies, ice cream, cuttle fish flavored snacks, candles, matches, pots & pans, crushed red peppers, blankets, little outdoor cook stoves with butane bottles, shower sandals, soaps, false eye lashes (?), cigarettes, beer, wine, soda, nasty Korean booze called Jinro and Soju, and Samyang ramen. The place had it all! The grocery store Pop was sittin' on the floor watching a little black & white GoldstarTV set that had sports on. He smiled broadly and rose as Jimmy and I entered. His little boy, a four or five year old who sat with him jumped up, pointed at me, and exclaimed "Me Kuk Saw-rahm"! The little boy was cute as a button and he kept pointing at me saying "American person" (Me Kuk Saw-rahm). I guess they didn't get many, if any, GI's out this way. I was pretty much a space alien in this part of Pusan, South Korea. The little boy's mouth hung wide-open when I spoke Korean to him. This Ambassador stuff could be cool. Sgt Wheeler bought a bunch of stuff. More than 10 recycled bicycles could ever buy. Amerasian James Wheeler glowed as he whipped out about $40 in Korean funny-money, as GI's called it. Purchases made and off we went.
As we pulled up to the cold gray cement walls of the orphanage Jimmy hit the siren on the jeep. A "hue and cry" of pure excitement and joy went up behind those walls like I'd never heard before. I could hear children's voices yelling happily "Jim Eee...Jim Eee"...and into the orphanage we went. In there I saw Tiny Tim's and Tiny Kim's of ages 5 thru 12 maybe. Now I knew, for absolute certain, why Jimmy Wheeler glowed on the outside. Call it a higher power or maybe the forces of good but James Wheeler had love for those kids in his heart. There was no hiding it! I don't know what Jimmy's story is or how he came to be this Saint Nicholas of the Pusan Orphanage, but this guy was Santa. A real life Santa Claus of a Christian who didn't talk all bible and God stuff, like so many Christians but he spoke of love, sprinkled with a guy named Jesus. He was a sower of seed, he was. James walked the walk like none-other I have met. I saw some shy and sad-case kids there in that orphanage, but they too glowed when held in the loving arms of Sgt Wheeler. Good begets good...this I know. The Buddhists know this too...
Not to do any evil, to cultivate good, to purify one's mind--this is the
teaching of the Buddhas.

Buddhism. Dhammapada 183
Merry Christmas to all! JG & Family

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Rest of the Story


Moron (more on ) STOOOPID. Seems our Valued Customer "was" out on parole. Imagine that? Our "Person of Interest" has 2 prior felony convictions, one of which is for robbery. The other probably for just being felony ugly in public. I made a really nice CD of "Santa's Helper" recorded on our store's cameras. The cops loved it and told me the D.A. will too. I wonder what they'll be serving up in the state prison for Christmas dinner? Will it be corn dogs... or the weiner? Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Merry Christmas STOOOPID!!!


That's right folks... Santa came early this year to our Mom 'n Pop Gangbanger & Urbanwear Clothing Store in the form of about 5 black & whites (cop cars) and 6 bored Police Officers. In our town the one time you do not want to steal anything out of our store is on a Sunday at 12 noon. You see, the local Cops are really bored on the Sunday day-shift because most of the punk-ass criminals (some of which are my highly valued customers) who were up to no good on Saturday night/early Sunday morning are already in jail...or in the hospital, or still asleep, or are found dead in some orchard or vineyard. That's how I see it, anyway. What I'm saying here is that the Police Officers in our town have a slow shift on Sundays until it gets dark, if even then.
So into our lovely mercantile (ghetto store) walks a valued customer, also known as a piece of shit, who has previously stolen some clothing from us, and he runs out the door with another bargain. The wife and I are off on Sunday and have good employee's who take care of things when we're gone. Sooo...Mr Valued Customer walks in for some last-weekend-before-Christmas-shoplifting, grabs an Oakland Raider Jacket (stinkin' Raider's), valued at $165 retail, and commences to run out the door almost trampling over one of our clerks. Mr Valued customer is 18 or 19 years of age and is in good "running shape" as he has no car, nor a bicycle, nor even a skateboard to make his get-away on...the poor soul. Now, not only do you "not" want to steal stuff on any given Sunday from my store, in my town, but you damn sure don't want to do it at around 12 noon on a Sunday if you live across the railroad tracks from the place where you just stole the shit from. Seems that at noon on Sunday's there's always a good and long Southern Pacific freight train that runs by our store about then, just like clock-work. I used to hate those trains until now. I don't know, call it dumb luck or Murphy's law, or perhaps our valued customer (thief) was not aware of the time... but as he makes his run for home, the freight train is making it's run, headed towards Bakersfield. My employees see that our valued customer (dirt bag) and "penny-wise shopper" has run parallel to the train tracks (now occupied by the train) and he seems a bit discouraged. Aww...sweet youth... he runs on! Yes, he runs on, on, and ON! He runs on right past a police car at the nearby train station, just when the Officer in the car is receiving the call from Dispatch about the theft. The thief runs. The Officer wisely gives chase in his police car and promptly radio's for other bored police officer's in the area (happily most just so happen to be on this side of the tracks) to assist in the apprehension of our valued customer, now known in main stream media circles as... "A Person of Interest". Our valued customer and "bargain hunter" is throwing off pieces of clothing to "change his appearance" but hangs on to the highly prized Oakland Raider's Official NFL jacket. He jumps over a back yard fence, and another fence, and yet another fence, until he finds himself alone in the back yard of a "a lover of large dog's". Apparently our valued customer is no lover of Rottweiler's and was about to be eatin' alive. Ooooh, sweet youth. Our valued customer-turned-athlete hurdled a six foot fence with my store's Oakland jacket into the waiting arms of the police. Gee I wonder if he will get to see the Raider's VS Houston game in jail this afternoon? Thanks Santa!!! (Cops too!!!)

Did You Miss This?

It's no secret that JihadGene and Son love LOOONG time WWE wrestling. It's something that drive's the wife ape-shit, but we LOVE it! WWE's Tribute to the Troops was on last night. Remember our troops and their families this Christmas season. Thank them any way you can. You'll be blessed. Here's a clip from last night's presentation...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Glowball Warming and KIM Jong Il

Here's a cold-blast from the past (December 2007) via Black Five's own "Kev" and "Uncle Jimbo". Preez see video before reading further. I odor you!

Now preez read Great Reader's take on the video...

Meanwhile somewhere north of the DMZ, in the Land 'O Frozen Koon-Dingies, we find DPRK's Great Reader, KIM JONG IL, making an astute observation...

KIM- Hey, General Wang!

WANG- What up, Bigg BlossMan?

KIM- Check out "Cousin Kev's" bideo on glow-ball warning!

KIM & WANG- BWAAHahahahahaha!

WANG- Dat good one all light!

KIM- Own-ree one ting I'm doo
diffrent.

WANG- What dat, Most Meteorological One?

KIM- I'm put NBSeize "Today Show" star reporter, Michelle Kosinski, rowing by in a fluckin canoe!

WANG & KIM- BWAHAHahaha!!!

KIM- Wang, put a-nudder clopy of Al Goes book
"An Inclunvienient Troof" on da fire...ass of Great Reader colder than the body tempatyour of Harry Reid.

WANG- Does that flucker even have a pulse?

Great Reader KIM Jong IL Surfaces


DATELINE NORTH KOREA-
After an extended Tank's-giving vacation on the DMZ, Great and Glorious Reader, KIM Jong IL is back to work and firing like a Chevy Vega station's wagon on all 2 & 1/2 cylinders! Those Souf Koreans, the lowly lackey's of the not-so-great Satan, George W. Bloosh, have dismissed the DPRK's latest photographic evidence of Norf Korea's Great Reader as "boo shit" and "not even real"! The audacity displayed by the Souf Koreans who long for a home in Crawford, Texass will not go unnoticed by our Dear and Healthy Great Reader, KIM Jong IL! Pictured is the Great Reader playing with his "new and improved" and "nuclear-enhanced" Norf Korean Mastiff named "Fluffy".