It's 3:00 AM in Washington DC and Nancy Pelosi's Phone Rings

Meanwhile somewhere very North of the DMZ's 50 yard line we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, on the phone and strapped for cash, strugglin' to cover his day-to-day DickTorial expenses in the DPRK...

PHONE VOICE- (sexy female) Hello and welcome to the voice activated NON-PARTISAN Madame Speaker, Nancy Pelosi Democrat Congressional Stimulus Package Bailout Hot Line. For survey purposes only, state your party affiliation...

KIM- Communist.

VOICE- A California Democrat. Is that correct?

KIM- Okray.

VOICE- Good. Congratulations!You have now reached step two in our three step process for fast cash! Did you back that bitch Hillery Clinton or God's gift to the people, Barack Obama, in the 2008 Presidential race?

KIM- Obllama.

VOICE- Very good! Now for step three, to complete your request, loudly and clearly tell nonpartisan Nancy, back in Washington DC, just how much money you need.

KIM- (this shit's too easy) Oh say mayblee...FIVE HUN-DWED MILLYAWN DOLLA's, U.S!!!

VOICE- Did you say "only" $500,000,000 ?

KIM- Yes I'm did.

VOICE- What kind of pathetic bailout request is that?!!! You love Sarah Palin, don't you, ya sawed off little Republican puppet!!! We deal in BILLIONS of dollars worth of pork here, ya slanty-eyed punk!

KIM- Don't get racist with me, Blitch!

VOICE- We are nonpartisan Democrats, incapable of racism, just ask Louis Farrakhan! Ya Jew-loving tramp! Your request is denied...*CLICK*.

KIM- Puck you looong time too!!! (hangs up phone) . Okray General Wang let's get this "Restart of Norf Korean Aggression Show" back on the road!

WANG- Roger that, Great Reader. Tell me, Great One...what was the 500 million gonna go for?

KIM- Chips and dip.

WANG- Chips & dip, Sir?

KIM- For Souper Bowl Sunday, of clourse!

WANG- Of course, Your Greatness.

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Great Reader KIM Jong IL here...due to all the voices in his wittle head, JihadGene couldn't decide on a song today so I'm find him one fours alls of yoo! It be of US Marines doing "What is Love"? SEMPER FLY to all da jarheads out there looong time! It's Flyday! Retts dance!!!!

Dogs Know

Not only do I hear the voice of KIM Jong Il, in my haid, but my dogs send me telePAWthic signals all the time! A person would be wise to heed a good dog's advice. Hug looong time to my blog dog "One for the Road" who I took this from. JG ;)

Bargain Bull

In my town we have a new .99 cent store. I got octopus in a can for 99 cents. May all you Japanese 99 cent stores eat your hearts out! Now what in the hell am I gonna do with this crap? Oh yeah, my wife is Korean...

Meanwhile back in Washington D.C.

The votes are in and we won. So fuck all that bi-partisan bullshit!
-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

Day # 1 JihadGene Stops Blogging or Goodbye San Francisco

Wonder what I will do today? Guess I'm a bit confused. I can't blog anymore because Great Reader KIM Jong IL has said so to me. He told me so in a dream last night. He said..."JihadGene, I'ms gonna brow-up the city of San Fwancisco if you post even one more time on your brogg! I demands no more clowning of glorious ass of KIM Jong IL! No mores making fun looong time of how Great Reader tawks Engrish"!
Hmmmm? If I hit the publish post button, then KIM hits the 'splode button, and San Francisco goes up in a mushroom cloud.
Ooops!

Happy Birthday Black Five

Today is Matt Burden's birthday over at Black Five. Wish him a happy one and if you can, please give to Soldiers Angels. JG

Great Reader KIM Jong IL Gives New Year's Odors to JihadGene

Great Reader KIM Jong IL, who is channeled by JihadGene, is sick and tired of brogging! The voice in JihadGene's mind (KIM Jong IL) has told him to stop BROGGING completely. As of late, poor JihadGene has been overheard as saying, "I'd rather take an ass-beating than stop blogging but if Great Reader, KIM Jong Il says so...well, that's good enough for me! I'M QUIT"!
So there you have it, JihadGene has stopped blogging in the "Year of the Brown Cow, 2009"!
Word has it, this post is all straight-up "Brown Cow Dung". Enjoy your day, heathens!

Drink Wine or Blog?

It seems Parkway Rest Stop's Jimbo has chosen wine over blogging for now. So I have written this poem especially for him...knowing too, that he is scared shitless of alligators. Here's lookin' at you kid!

BLOGS AND WINE

If I could have both...blogs and wine,

I’d drink my wines and blog mighty fine!

Why I might blog about some cat named KIM Jong IL,

Harry Reid,

or Benny Hill.

Yes, I drank that wine…and it tasted just fine.

Then my Doctor said,

“Keep it up… and it’s transplant time!”

“I’m lowering my cholesterol”, I told the Doc.

But he saw right thru me. What a crock!

I went home, drank a gallon of Matua Valley Innovator.

I guess it was at this point…

I began to see the gators!

Gators! Gators!! GATORS, GALORE!!!

They were heading for New Jersey…
The Garden State’s shore!

I tried to call Jimbo but he wasn’t there!

I e-mailed Jimbo but he just didn’t care!

I guess the wine must have numbed him…

or he just didn’t notice…

his waitress wearing a big toothy grin…

and a green…GREEN… bodice!

Jimbo is gone now…

He was consumed by a gator.

Gotta go blog now,

I’ll see you later!

If You Habla Espanol

OOO those Kennedy's! Man, this is some fine work! No one hablas "PINCHE" Spanish like the Iowahawk! I'm laughing as I type this shit. If you need to bone up on dirty Spanish I can help you PENDEJOS! Go read... HERE!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

Yes....it's that time again. It's time to dance with JihadGene and his lovely wife, Kim.
Kim (honey)....You're the one that I ruvvv LOOONG time!!! It's Friday let's dance!!!
See you at the North India Bar & Grill!

Business at JihadGene's Mom-n-Pop Store

I have a clothing store. I sell gang-banger's the clothing they want. Lots of blue and red colors. I sell the stuff all other big retailers don't (and won't) and some of the same stuff that they do sell. I sell brands like LowRider, Dickies, Ben Davis, Hostility, Ecko, South Pole, Big Daddy, Cali Ink, FabriCali, Mob Inc., Big House, and more. So here I sit... stuck with a few Obama T shirts but I have made good dinero ($) off of them. Need one? Men's or women's? I got 'em. Cheap too! What you do with it is your business. I don't wanna know! I also have 24 T shirts that I received from the Ben Davis Company for FREE...that's GRATIS... for you speakers of Mexican talk. It seems they ran a T shirt showing Ben Davis (a gorilla's face) with the saying..."Ben Davis for President 2008"and NO, I did not buy any for fear of being called a racist. In all fairness the Ben Davis Company has had a gorilla on their label for many years (since the 1930's) and has made such T shirts during the 2004 presidential election. It apparently did not go over well with the Obama supporters as the Ben Davis Company ened up in the red on these. The Ben Davis sales rep called me in late October and shipped me 24 of these shirts for free. Gee... ya think the other retailers didn't want to carry the shirt?! Bottom line... I think they (Ben Davis Co.) lost their asses on this shirt but these T's may be a real collector's item in the future...ya just never know. So where am I headed with this, you ask?
Well... a new day has dawned in Washington D.C. and President Obama is one busy beaver trying to community organize Guantanamo (Gitmo). The B.O., his-own-bad-ass-self says GITMO will close in 365 days. That's one year for you Public School grads! Now some of you may be distressed that old JihadGene occasionally looses money... but this news is all good in the hood, out here! Ya see, I have a new T shirt design in mind...what do you think? In the words of Sponge Bob's Mr Eugene Krabs...."I'M RICH"!!!

KIM Jong Il Angered by Inaugural Copy Catting

Dear readers, in case you haven't heard our great and glorious leader, the Mr. Mellow Yellow of Pyongyang...KIM Jong IL...has made a grand and most magnanimous gesture to the non-tax Free World by offering to send an envoy to Barack Obama's presidential inauguration and the Great Reader's offer was declined posthaste. Meanwhile back in "The Land of the Morning Missile Launch",Norf Korea, we find Great Reader, KIM Jong Il, back on the Al Goe invented Internet at his trusty Chicom-Mart computer viewing highlights of B.O.'s inauguration on Yoo Tube...

KIM- *click* click...clicka-clicka.....crick!

WTF?! General Wang! Get ov'a here ASLAP!

WANG- Here Sir! What's the matter, Great One? What is it that has you so upset? I know Barack Whosenamed Obama's actions have pimp-slapped the face of the gloriously malnourished North Korean People by refusing our DPRK envoy but what now, Sir?

KIM- Rook! Just rook!

WANG- I'm looking, Sir. What is that?

KIM- It's either a beluga whale on the gurney or Ted Kennedy is strokin' out! Holy nuclear kimchee!!!

WANG- I didn't know you were so fond of Ted Kennedy, Sir.

KIM- It's not that!

WANG- Well, what is it, Great Reader Sir?

KIM- Okray let me "SPLAIN" it to you like Ricky Card-O does to his red haired wife on "I Ruv Rucy".

WANG- I Love Lucy?Okay Sir. Splain away.

KIM- Looks here. I'm da one who is the original around here. I'm a twin setter!

WANG- A trend setter, Sir? I guess that point could be made.

KIM- Of clourse it could! What with all the talks of I'm haves a stloke (stroke) and all...plus all the happy talk of what will happen to Norf Korea if Great Reader KIM Jong IL croaks off?! I'm tells you it was all the bluzz!!!

WANG- All the buzz, Sir? Well true, Sir, but you are not exactly the 1st person to have stroked-out.

KIM- No. That's true...but you haves to admit, I brought it back in style and Teddy K. ain't nothing butt a damned copy cat! Hey look, General Wang! Who's that in the wheelchair?!

WANG- Hmmm... I'm not positive but I'd have to say it's either Fred Mertz or Dick Cheney, Sir.

KIM- Aww kwap! Everyone's gettin' into the act.

The KIM Family and You...An Update

Holy WOW, Batman! You guys and your good vibes and prayers are GREAT LOOONG TIME! The Boss Lady (wife/Kim) called Jina (our niece) who told us that her Father (U Tae) had the biggest smile on his face when he came home to what he thought would be an empty house late at night. Upon seeing Jina and Jae he had a smile from ear to ear. While my wife, being Korean, didn't say from ear to ear... she did though... point from the corners of her mouth back to her lovely earlobes, thus showing how far his smile extended. We didn't tell him the kids were coming home because he had enough on his plate with his wife in the hospital with cancer and running his electrical business. Her cancer was detected only after our niece and nephew arrived here in California on the 26th of December...of all the rotten stinkin' luck. The wife and I kept it a secret from Jina & Jae, per their Dad's request, as long as we could until Jina pressed on with questions as to why her mom was still in the hospital for what she was told was only a biopsy on January 5th. They had gone on an organized tour that same day (the 5th) to Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and touristy spots of Los Angeles for 5 days, then back home with us in the Central Valley of California. It was now January 13th and my lovely wife Kim told them the sad news...thyroid cancer. Their Mom's cancer was detected late and had spread. The hospital would do it's best. She will not return home for at least another week and the outcome is wait and see. My brother in law, U Tae, at age 50 has worked so very hard all his life and only recently had a beautiful home built for them back in South Korea. It has been saved and paid for by his years of hard work and dedication to his family. Just when everything should be going wonderfully for them, life takes this terrible turn. Again, I must say that U Tae is the kindest and most gentle soul I have ever met. You can even see it when he drives in crazy assed Korean traffic....he yields to everyone and everything...U Tae even bows to them (the other drivers) from behind the steering wheel, while I would be giving them the finger! I've been with him, in Korea, and have seen him do this...for real! His electrical shop is always making some money and I know he could generate much more but he is such a gentle guy that he does not push issues of money rightly owed him. I'm sure that drives his wife nuts but that is the kindness of my brother-for-life, U Tae. Instead of coming home to an empty and cold house, Jina and Jae are back home. U Tae is happy. This is answered prayer!!! He needed the kids with him and your prayers. I am blessed to be a part of my wife's family and blessed by having great folks like you who drop in on the web. Prayer works. Thank you.
The JG's and Kim's family.

note* The picture is of yours truly (JihadGene) and U Tae....Soraksan, S. Korea February 1995.

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

I am so very happy about the results of US Airways flight 1549! When I heard the news I was jumping for joy though I have no connection at all personally with any of them. I told my lovely wife (Kim) I bet the pilot was prior military. Kim nodded in agreement. I was right. God bless our fine men and women in and out of uniform and their families!!! Today's dance is for our US Military Aviators! They are the best. The very best. So let down your hair, I don't care if you can only dance in your chair, it's Friday...let's dance!!! God bless you US Airways Cpt Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III, a former USAF fighter pilot. If you are not an angel then truly you are guided by them. Today's hands-down choice is "Calling All Angels" by Train.

Send Me an Angel

It's Thursday night here, in California. My niece (Jina) and nephew (Jae) are on the plane returning to South Korea... early. Their vacation cut short by cancer. Their mother has cancer. She is 50 years old and it's very bad. All this came about on the 6th of January. We had to keep it a secret until a few days ago per request of their Father (my wife's brother). His name is U Tae and I have known him since he was sixteen. U Tae is one of the sweetest souls on this earth and now his wife of 27 years is possibly dying of thyroid cancer. Kim and I have kept the secret as long as possible while the kids went to fun places like Las Vegas and the hot spots in and around L.A.. Though we had to say our goodbyes early, it was a wonderful time shared by all despite the unfairness of this most recent development. Life isn't fair... I've known that for sometime...it's true...and this I know as well...that prayers help! There are angels out there. I have been helped by them on more than one occasion . Bank on it. I need an an angel for U Tae's wife. Pray for her. She is a lady who loves to laugh and talk, while U Tae is Mr Humble and Quiet. If the meek are to inherit the earth then truly U Tae is a chosen one. I love these good people. I need another angel, Lord. I know it's not the 1st time I've called for one, Father, but it's not for me. It's for U Tae and his wonderful wife. Be with Jina and Jae, give them safe travels, and send me an angel for U Tae's wife. Send me an angel, please. I need an angel.
Love, Gene

KIM Jong IL's New Year Resolutions

You Should Travel to Hawaii

1) Get a pet wallaby 2) Eat less lard 4) Study fashion design 5) Get in shape with disco dancing

What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be?

I...Great Reader, KIM Jong IL... have taken the test and have passed gas with frying (flying) colors! Eat less lard? Fashion design? Get in shape wiff disco dancing? How did they know?!!!
(*hat tip/ripped off from Captain Sql)

Suzanne Horne, Jean, Suicide, Healing, and Deltabravo

A very nice lady (Jean) not only lost a good blog friend, Suzanne Horne of Liquid Illuzion to suicide but she had also lost a husband to suicide in recent years. Here is my open letter to her...

Jean,
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss [husband]. It seems I had just discovered a wonderful person who blogged and Suzanne kept me coming back for more and more, then she departed. The circumstances hurt so very deeply bringing back all the sadness's I thought I had left out of my life, filed away in some box. Then out it came, years later. Now I was crying, wanting to get blind drunk, and I was asking myself the same old questions like, Why didn't I see this coming? Could I have somehow prevented it? What could I have said to encourage him, my brother Joe or her, Suzanne, to go on? I was in love with Suzanne's blog at first sight. She was good. So was my then, 18 year old brother. I truly believe that there are those who have committed suicide that will be in heaven. It's the same as loving God and having a cancer eating at you, then sadly submitting to death. God is bigger than mental illness but bad things still happen to all kinds of people, young & old, good and bad. My heart goes out to you in the loss of your husband and Suzanne.

Sincerely,
Gene

* To Deltabravo...Your comment meant the world to me. Though I had forgotten the song, I seek'd it out. This is beautiful and it helped me more than I can say. Thank you {{Deltabravo}}. I can't thank you enough for that. JG
So here it is "There is a balm in Gilead"...

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

We all (except Kim Jong Il or Nancy Pelosi) need somebody to cry to... be it your Higher Power, or a person in your life, or even your dog. Sometimes you just have to get it out before you are consumed by your hurts. I'm here. I'll listen. My Elder Sister Carol is the best listener on this planet. She listens to me and I love her for it. Sometimes she tells me where to get off. That's love. Strange. Cool. So today's dance song is done in a chair, for Carol, who is recovering from another ass-kickin knee replacement. So folks, dance in your chairs, have a loved one sit in your lap, and cry to me, with Solomon Burke.

Rest in Peace Liquid

I just got word from a blog friend named Jean that Liquid Illuzion (Suzanne Horne) took her life on Christmas Eve. I discovered her wonderful wit and sense of humor only around Thanksgiving. This hurts and brings back memories. Memories I would like to forget. My brother Joe committed suicide back in 1971. I was 16 years old and helped my Dad take Joe off the end of a rope. All these hurts are back. I pray Joe and Liquid are in heaven together. Pray for those who loved and knew the good of Suzanne. Please pray for them all. Go here and here for more on the lovely Suzanne. I'm so very hurt by this news. Some hurts will never go away and we may never know the why's.

Happy Birthday Elvis

I'm still ruvving and missing Elvis LOOONG time! I'm so rone-some tonight.
Great Reader,
KIM Jong IL
Near the DMZ

Back in Time

Do you know what happened 158 years ago this fall... back in 1850?

California became a state.

The people had no electricity.

The state had no money.

Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.

*I took this from the internet (hat tip Elder Sister Carol)

To my Kid Sister Susie

My Elder Sister Carol has had another knee replaced back in November and is doing very well! This award goes out to my Lil' Sister (the R.N.) who's advice to seek a better hospital (where she works) was just what the Doctor ordered!. Elder Sister Carol's recovery and everything... went a million times better and I do believe that 2009 will be the Year of the Ass Kicking Knees! I just wanted to thank LOOONG TIME my Lil' Sister Susie (who does not sell seashells at the seashore) for her wise advice. You're a great kid-sister, Susie! I RUV and THANK YOU so much!!! Go see a recent photo of my Little Sister Susie relaxing after a hard day's work at the hospital by clicking HERE! Happy New Year to all you Sisters out there from this Mutha of a Brother, JihadGene! JG ;)

Baghdad Bob on Hamas Spokesman

Hello Infidels! Baghdad Bob here with some troubling news. I know what you non-believers are thinking..."Oh, Baghdad Bob is gonna tell us the Hamas Fighters of Satan are kicking some serious Israeli butt". If you believe this then you are completely wrong and may Larry Craig be using the nearest airport bathroom stall adjacent to you! I was reading some fair and balanced MSM news when I saw the headline reading "Gaza will become 'cemetery' for Israeli Army". Does that kind of crap sound familiar to you? Of course it did! This statement was made by Hamas spokesman Ismail Radwan, also known in the Castro District of Tehran as Debbie. WTF?! So what next may we hear from this schtick stealing snake? How's about...

'We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters, 1 Menorah, 6 puppy dogs, and their shovels - We have driven them back."
"Surrender or be burned in your tanks. Like tax payers in a government bail-out"
"No I am not scared of Jimmy Dean and neither should you be!"
"We have them surrounded in their UAW built POS Chryslers"
"Israel is not worth an old shoe (code for Hillary), being thrown at it."
Of Israeli troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."
"We will welcome them with Obama and Reverend Wright."
"Tel Aviv has thrown their bacon on the fire"
"These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying" (sounds like congress)
"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of the Gaza Strip]. They are not in any place. They hold no place in all of Fresno. This is an illusion ... Democrats are trying to sell to the others an illusion."

Does any of this, Praise Allah, shit sound familiar to you? I thought so. Fuck Hamas! Go Israel!!!

New Year's Day Road Trip

On New Year's morning we packed up the van with our niece & nephew, and Ben (son of Kim and me...JihadGene). Woo-Hoo! ROAD TRIP! It be on like Donky-Kong!

Here... in sort of a chronological order is our Monterey/Big Sur adventure:
0520- JihadGene wakes up after a full 4 hours of sleep. He does the mandatory three S's ( two are shower and shave...you figure out the other "S").
o600- Wake up all other Infidels in household. This consists of wife (Kim), son (Ben), and spies from South Korea (niece & nephew)... the lovely Jina... and not-so-lovely Jae.
0600-0700 JihadGene loads van with necessary items, consisting of the following...

#1 Kim-bop
No self-respecting Korean would ever go on a road trip or picnic without this!

#2 A gang 'O other shit!
* Note-If I learned one thing in the US Army, I learned this..."Better to have and need-not, than to need and not have"... besides, you can always pretend you are a worthless US Navy sailor and throw all that unnecessary shit overboard, then play like you didn't know what happened to it!

0700- Check engine fluid levels, tires, etc. It's a Toyota and not a POS like my Dodge truck...
...all is a Go!
o705- Load van with heathens/family.
0710- Stop at our Mom & Pop store for Jina who needs some Uggs boots. While Jina and Kim are in store JihadGene (known as driver), Ben (known as Son), and Jae (known as Nephew) go to nearby gas station for fuel, cola, and Snickers Bars.
0720- On the road to beautiful Monterey Bay...home of John Steinbeck's "Cannery Row".
The weather was overcast (a kind of a high fog) in the Central Valley.
1015- Arrive alive at Fisherman's Wharf, Monterey! Woo-Hoo!!!
I didn't crash the van or nothing! The fog has burned off. Monterey is blue skies and beautiful ocean! Unload/unass van. Go to eat.
1020- Eat at Fisherman's Wharf. Talk staff into cooking lunch although they are still serving breakfast. They do it for us...more Woo-Hoos...here! All things fried...snapper, squid, sand dabs, shrimp...big portions...great food...good price...seating at window with a million $ view of the harbor...BEAUTIFUL!
1100- Finish meal. Leave nice tip for good people. Go for walk along beautiful pathway. Monterey is DA BOMB, looong time!
1150- Buy whale watching tour boat tickets. Great deal...only $25 per person (for a full 2 hours) at Chris' Fishing & Boat Tours!
1230- Boat leaves. All family on board. We lucky. Sit outside on front of boat. Sunshine and cold but we are dressed for it. We see sea lions, whale, otters, seals, and a big pod of maybe 75 dolphins...it is a blessing! A Happy New Year it certainly is! Jae (nephew age 23) and Jina (niece age 25) yell with delight as the boat's nose dips up and down...we all do...WE LOVE IT!!! No one seasick...all is good. People laugh at Jae in good spirit because he is so very into the boat ride and yelling with pure abandon and delight! Man, are we happy!!! Jae and Jina have never done this sort of thing even though their home (Korea) is on a peninsula, this makes it all the more worthwhile. Jae has only recently finished his "mandatory" (draft) 2 years of service in the ROK Army and it is his very first time in the United States. It's a special time, indeed!
1430 (2:30 PM)- Return to dock. Get land-legs back. Bathroom break.
1500-1700 (3-5PM) Load up and drive down the most beautiful highway in the world (Hwy 1) south from Monterey to Big Sur and Cambria. Stop for many photos. Jina very happy!
1800 (6PM) Stop in Atascadero for In-n-Out Burgers. JihadGene very happy!
2030 (8:30PM) Arrive home after a wonderful 450 miles.
Well...It was a very special day. I won't forget this one, I assure you. I hope all of you have a wonderful 2009. If you had a New Year's day even 1/10th as good as ours...you had a great day.

Our best to you all in 2009,
Great Reader/JihadGene... and family!
**About the picture- This is Jina at a stop along Hwy 1 near Big Sur.

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

Man, I put some miles on the van yesterday and all 450 of them were wonderful! We got on a boat and saw blue ocean, blue skies, sunshine, whales, and dolphins! It just doesn't get any better than that. More on Monterey Bay later. It's a Friday and in honor of our New Year's Day road trip I give you a song in tribute to our good time together. So get up and dance with JihadGene and Kim, who closed the store on New Year's Day, and dance to the the tune called "It's All Right".
It's Friday!! Let's dance!!!