Saturday, January 10, 2009

Suzanne Horne, Jean, Suicide, Healing, and Deltabravo

A very nice lady (Jean) not only lost a good blog friend, Suzanne Horne of Liquid Illuzion to suicide but she had also lost a husband to suicide in recent years. Here is my open letter to her...

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss [husband]. It seems I had just discovered a wonderful person who blogged and Suzanne kept me coming back for more and more, then she departed. The circumstances hurt so very deeply bringing back all the sadness's I thought I had left out of my life, filed away in some box. Then out it came, years later. Now I was crying, wanting to get blind drunk, and I was asking myself the same old questions like, Why didn't I see this coming? Could I have somehow prevented it? What could I have said to encourage him, my brother Joe or her, Suzanne, to go on? I was in love with Suzanne's blog at first sight. She was good. So was my then, 18 year old brother. I truly believe that there are those who have committed suicide that will be in heaven. It's the same as loving God and having a cancer eating at you, then sadly submitting to death. God is bigger than mental illness but bad things still happen to all kinds of people, young & old, good and bad. My heart goes out to you in the loss of your husband and Suzanne.


* To Deltabravo...Your comment meant the world to me. Though I had forgotten the song, I seek'd it out. This is beautiful and it helped me more than I can say. Thank you {{Deltabravo}}. I can't thank you enough for that. JG
So here it is "There is a balm in Gilead"...


Anonymous said...

Gene, just returning the favor. You will never know how many times your commentaries here and at B-5 were the only thing to make me laugh all day.


Jean said...

Gene, you are a tender heart, aren't you?

It took me a long time to heal after his suicide. A very long time.
He was an alcoholic who did not believe in himself.
Anger was the emotion that was the most difficult for me to deal with from this. It finally, finally passed.
I ended up writing a series on my blog, about six pieces I think, that helped purge what was left.
It started with "All about choices...' Reader response was almost overwhelming. It helped, too.

The scars probably never go away completely and I think that because you and your brother were both so very young, your scars may be even deeper than others.
I hope your healing continues.

Thank you for caring.

Anonymous said...

Oh my - may peace be with all of you (the departed included...)

Teresa said...

*sigh* I'm so very sorry about your brother Gene. And for Jean's loss as well. Even though time has passed for you both, this is something that doesn't really pass but periodically returns for you to deal with all over again.

And how very sad that yet someone else decided that life was too difficult to continue. I don't understand it - I don't think anyone does who doesn't have that particular monkey on their back. And yet the people left behind are those who must find a way through.

I can see that you and Jean have both been survivors and even though the sadness returns. You've been able to deal with it.

We're lucky to know you through your blog and maybe someday in person. {{{HUGS}}} And as DB points out so well - thank you for bringing laughter to us as well.

Laughter is the best medicine. This I firmly believe.

Anonymous said...

Gene and Delta,
Thank you so much for the song.
It soothes all kinds of pain.
Elder Sister

Our love and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I just don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry. That just seems so terribly inadequate.

Anonymous said...

My friend's son completed his suicide in December, her only son. This song made me wail like a baby. Man.
I am sorry for all those who lose a loved one this way. It is heartbreaking, yet I am certain we can become whole again, just a new kind of whole. And, surely there is peace.