Friday, May 9, 2008

Parenting Let's Me Play Like I'm KIM Jong IL (or a Drill Sergeant) ! I started off my 12 year olds day like this.....

It's almost 0700 Hours (7AM for you maggoty civilians) Nancy Pelosi Time (PST). It's time to get my son up for school. Like most of you, I want to be a good parent, raise a great kid, and RULE THE WORLD! Though I have no NUKES physically available, being a parent of some 12 years, I have realized that while you can't see my "DPRK Approved" NUKES...they indeed are in my parenting bag-'o-tricks! Cool, huh?! So's as my son (KIM Jr) slumbers, I do a full frontal assault on his bunk and Pearl Harbored him! I jump on his bed and give him my patented Nanook of the North (Korean) bear-hug! Now normally, I would simply get out my Reverend AL SHARPTON regulation bullhorn, and while on full volume gently yell, "Time for school! Get up, ya PUKE! Grandma was slow but she was old! What's your excuse?!" However the neighbors have complained to the police and Child Protective Services has informed me to cease and desist in such behavior. Well anyways I jumped on his bunk, hug him, and he's got this big smile on his Lil' KIM mugg.
He asks me, "Dad, is it Friday?" Well... being The Great Reader JihadGene...I loudly answered "NO! IT'S MONDAY!! YOU GOT A WHOLE WEEK OF SCHOOL TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!"
My son starts cracking up! So now I NUKE HIM! I tell him, "AND IT'S THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER! YOU GOT A FULL YEAR OF SCHOOL AHEAD OF YOU, BOY!" My son only laughs louder!! Damn, I need better NUKES! Have a great Friday! JihadGene

!!! Go to comments and see what Deltabravo said! It's a RIOT!!!JihadGene


Anonymous said...

Awww, dude! He's just learning how to go comatose! I have three teenage daughters who are professionals at faking death when it's time to get them up for school. I've contemplated letting them sleep instead of going in and playing Big Ben on them every ten minutes in the morning. But they'd probably enjoy sleeping till 1500 and missing a whole day of classes.

So I employ my own little form of torture. One of them has a stuffed doll in the form of a Little Operatic Valkyrie Maiden. Braids and horned helmet and everything. Every morning Mom picks up Valkyrie and makes it dance up Coma Girl #2's bed and sing loudly and operatically: "Good MOOOORRR-NING! Time to get UUU-UUUP!" Eventually about the fifth time, hand comes out from under covers, grabs doll and throws it at wall. Operatic voiceover: "Good MOOOORRRRNING! Time to get UUU---aaaregphe!" (Splat) She hates it. The other one laughs. Every. time. Once in a while she even grabs it and throws it before I can start singing. Just the feeling of it bouncing up her leg to her ear is enough.

If I really annoy them, I find they get out of my house and go to school. Works like a charm. CPS hasn't been involved yet. I don't think they have any clue how to wake up my children anyway.


JihadGene said...

....gotta catch my breff...DeltaBravo!!!
You TOTALLY quacked me up!!! ROFRMAO!!!! Great Reader ROR (raff out roud)!
That is parenting GOLD!!!
Ruv You Looong Time!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL

That 1 Guy said...

Heheheh... DB's torture cracks me up, as does your'n!

Your nukes may have seemed ineffective, JG, but they will forever leave an impression.

JihadGene said...

From That 1 Guy-
Your nukes may have seemed ineffective, JG, but they will forever leave an impression.

Frums Gene-
I'm HOPES a good one, T1G! It will either get me into heaven, no questions asked, or I will have to kick some Angel's ass. No problem, if it gets me to heaven, anyway!!!

Anonymous said...

Sentimental bastards... wait 'til you get teenagers with wheels. They don't give a crap 'bout godzirra, or a barbie doll. They WILL sleep to 1500.. ask you for lunch money after school, and tell you, you suck. You can't kick their ass if they're bigger then you and you can't nuke/shoot 'em or CPS WILL be involved 'cause YOU were the asshole.

Dig up Y'all...

That 1 Guy said...

Methinks it'll get you into heaven without a scuffle, JG...

JihadGene said...

Cool, T1G!!!
Let's prays for Wed-Neck...that sucka ain't right!

Great Reader Kim Jong IL

Anonymous said...

Redneck! My kids tell me I suck all the time! My answer: "And?..."

Alternate responses so I don't become too predictable:

"I try."

"Thank you."

"Like Mother Like Daughter."

"Good. I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

Let your imagination run free. Children are a wonderful opportunity to sharpen your sarcasm.


JihadGene said...

OMGlawd!!! Della-Blavo!!!

Shoots! Nows I'm got beer and chewed up squid-jerky all over the keybloard! BWAHAhahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Tanks again DB!
Great Reader KIM Jong IL