Happy 31st Annivesary to Elisson and She Who Must Be Obeyed!

A anniversary dedication You Tube to Blogger d'Elisson and the lovely She Who Must Be Obeyed!
Congratulations from the Jihads!!!

My Sister is Blogging!!! Holy Crap!

Sooner or later sh*t catches up to you. There I was having a good time, all to myself on the internet, and look who's torn down my world! It's my Elder Sister Carol. She's now blogging here. My "cone of silence" is forever crushed. My Seoul exposed! Carol even thinks that ass-h*le RedNeck is funny! What goes around comes around. I was a good kid! Really!Thanks to Erica...I'm doomed! JihadGene

Where Does Fat Go? By Elder Sister Carol

It seems my Elder Sister (Carol Crookedhajib) has given up guzzling mouthwash and has taken up writing. If you have been trying to lose those extra 10-25lbs for say....oh...I don't know...maybe, the last 3 to 20 years...take heart, and have a GREAT READ!

Where does fat go?

Ever wonder where fat goes when you lose it? I think it comes to my house.

Fat floats around looking for a willing body. I’m convinced I have 30 pounds that rightfully belong to someone else. And some of it must be my husband’s fault. When fat cells float over our bed at night, why can’t he absorb some of them?

It’s sort of like “The Three Bears.” The fat cells look at him and say, “No, he’s too firm.”

Then they float over to me and say, “She’s just right. Perfect for a fat attack!”

Lately, it’s as if fat cells have rented tour buses and taken the scenic route to my side of the bed.

“Your theory is not biologically true,” Bill said when I made him change sides of the bed with me. “Fat flushes out of the body with other liquids.”

I had him there. “Have you seen that guy on TV who lost 75 pounds in two months?” I asked. “Do you really think anyone can pee away 75 pounds in two months?”

“False advertising,” Bill said. “When you lose weight, fat is converted to energy. It just goes out into the air.”

I had him there. “My point exactly,” I said. “Out into the air, watching and waiting for me.”

“You’re becoming paranoid,” he warned.

“With my luck, paranoia has calories,” I said, but by then he wasn’t listening.

Slim people don’t understand fat. Biological Bill has what he calls his Pepsi and Frito diet.” With every meal, he eats a small bag of Fritos and drinks a Pepsi. Within two days he says, “Wow! I’ve lost three pounds.”

I floss the alfalfa sprouts out of my teeth before I get on the scales. (You wouldn’t think grazing could cause so many problems.) If he’s lost three pounds, they’ve found me.

The answer is for me to invent a kind of radar for fat. There would be a lot of money and maybe even a Nobel prize for a machine like that. Rich, thin, and recognized – that would be great.

KIM Jong IL, Obama, Oprah, and Judy Tenuta

Meanwhile somewhere south of the Chi-coms "soakin'-wet" Olympic Torch, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL reflecting on....well, let's just see...

WANG- (Norko's 7 star General)
What's going on, Big Bossman?
You depressed or something, Sir?

KIM- Me? Dee-plessed? Never happen, GI! I'm just be thinking.

WANG- A penny for your thoughts, Great One.

KIM- What's Penny got to do with this? Wasn't she Will Rob-lynn-son's sister on TV show "Lost In Space"?

WANG- What I meant, Sir, is
what are you thinking about?

KIM- I knew that! I'm thinkings of Barrack Who's-Named Obama and why for him no go to I-Whack (Iraq) looong time! Maybe like 2 years (or Mexican talk for McCain supporters "DOS ANOS').

WANG- Well, he's a very busy man I'm sure, what with the campaign and all, your Greatness. After all, he is a man of CHANGE, and that takes great effort, Sir.

KIM- Yeah, Wang. I'm thoughts abrout that, but the own-ree things he changed lately has been his US flag lapel pin, his choice of Pastors, and the Trinity United Against Whitey Church in Chicargo.

KIM- You think he'll come talk to the Great Reader, Wang?

WANG- Not only that Sir, but I'll bet he brings Oprah with him as well!

KIM- WOW! Maybe she'll give me a new car!!!

WANG- Hey, it could happen!

KIM- You sounded just rike Judy Tenuta! That reminds me lets get the Joy Brigade and have them bring their accordions!

WANG- Right away, Sir!

Family Life and Survival Techniques of a Blogger by jihadgene

Did I tell you about the time my elder sister CAROL
( the WWW-Wicked Witch of the West) kid-napped my dog, TOE-TOE, and sent the flyin' monkey's of WEST San Joaquin County over to kick my ass? She may have even been sober that afternoon, I swear! Well, we had a big storm one day and I saw this humongous freekin house, an English Tudor, approximately 3200sq. ft. (unfurnished), with 3BR, 2&1/2 bath, formal DR, LR, FR, Study, 2 lovely fireplaces (which California is out-lawing), complete with a detached 2 car garage and a work bench, come flyin' outta the sky and headed straight for my "too-young-to-die" ass!. Knowing all about fire safety (self preservation), I told my little sister Susie (the WWE- Wicked Witch of the East) who is college educated like my elder sister, to STOP, DROP, AND ROLL IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FALLING HOUSE!! Susie, being a good little Nazi who always ratted me off to Dad, did as she was told. I so miss playing dirty tricks on her college-educated ass.
Meanwhile... In behind the house (at my12 o'clock) came these two fully loaded squadrons of blue-faced flyin' monkeys! I could'a turned and ran, cowardly lion that I am, but I was, after-all, an American Fighting Man! So... naturally... I winged it! Having had some limited knowledge of Aircraft Carrier Flight Operations (thanks to PBS), I immediately grabbed some nearby Ping-Pong paddles and waved those Chettah-Faced bitches off! Most caught on to my ruse (they must have been educated in private schools) and attempted another landing. Well, thanks to a well-oiled pump-action model 870 Remington 12 gauge shot gun, with a butt-load of .00 buck, plus an extended tube magazine, I sent many a monkey to their happy banana-hunting grounds! Of 48 King monkeys (Kong type) only two RTB'd (returned to base) and even they eventually, and tragically, ended their lives jumpin' off the bed! I received nothing for this, but what the hell. I'm a conservative who lives in California. I have nothing coming. Nothin' new about that.
I could go back to skool, ya know...OH SCREW THAT!!! I'm busy bloggin'!!!JG

The Truth According to Baghdad Bob

Reporting live (or possibly dead) from the "War on America" some observations of Baghdad Bob-

#1- JihadGene is not within 500 miles of the nearest keyboard, so as to twist my words, or my astute observations of the world around me!

#2- Erica is really a bowler! She knows nothing of shooting pool!

#2- I can count! I'm Just testing you!

#3- Teresa is a homeless blogger who wanders the countryside taking pictures of peoples homes, sheds, and flowers. She begs for money but do not be fooled! She spends it all on wireless internet service providers!!!

#4- Jimbo, of Parkway Rest Stop is hunkered-down in a bunker somewhere in Colorado and owns this alligator farm! He is deathly afraid that Erica will find him and give him a NOOGIE!

#5- RedNeck does not live anywhere near North Carolina! He bloggs from a Iranian bathhouse and male massage parlor in downtown Tehran, looking for Mister Right!

#6- GUYK worked for Kofi Annan as a UN Special Advisor! He got the boot when he ratted-out Kofi's son in the Food for Oil Program. He has been begging UN Secretary General, Ban Ki MOON, for a job but has been repeatedly rejected.

#6- Who's counting here?

#7- Drunken Wisdom's own That 1 Guy is a shape-shifter! Whatever you do do not put Flat Stanley in your trouser pockets! An infidel "PERV", just like the RedNeck!

#7 and 1/2- That 1 Guy (T1G) really only weighs 143 lbs fully clothed and sopping wet! All his ramblings about being on a diet are bullocks dung!

#8- JihadGene's Elder Sister (Carol) was last seen on a "jazzy scooter" headed southbound on California Highway 99 toward Fresno! JG has been filling sandbags and laying-in enough supplies for a two year siege, ever since. Gene was overheard saying, "If she'd just sober up".

#9- It took Straight White Guy two 1000 round boxes of .22 cal ammo, seven hand grenades, 14 claymore mines, one case of Budweiser, and an M242 Bushmaster 25mm chain-gun, to kill one scrawny squirrel! SWG said (after surveying the ruins of his neighborhood) "OOORah!!! Got that Sum-Bitch"!

#16- Joated does none of the work, shown on his blogg. The US Border Patrol wants to speak with him.

#9- Cappy works for Joated.

#37- Mommynator, while she "IS" in a hospital, well..let's just be nice and say "she doesn't work there".

#2- Deltabravo is actually barren. She has no teenage daughters, and is in a cell across the hall from Mommynator. Poor DB.

#10- (Finally) Saddam, Uday, & Qusay are alive and well. They work as fry cooks in Baker, California's "The Mad Greek Restaurant". Fully employed, they are currently drawing unemployment benefits, and are taking on-line college classes, paid for by California's tax-payers (all 1,567 of them), from UC Berkeley. JG

It's WWE Time!!!

Great Reader & Son will be in Fresno watching WWE Wrestling tonight!
Oh YEAH!



*Vote Democrat* VOTE FESTUS!!!