It's Friday! Let's Dance with Mind Control!!!

The Norf Korean CIA has just disclosed an ohfishall US Army almost XXX RATED/ NOT SAFE FOR THE WORK ENVIORNMENT mind controlling music video. It is believed the US Army has "field tested" this form of mind control technique on the "Squid Senator" from Arizona, John McCain. I can only hope that this whole "mind control thing" results in the winning of next season's Army-Navy football game. It's after Friday already in Pyongyang...so let's dance and keep our brave US Troops and their families (who could use some conjugal visits LOOONG time) in your prayers!!! That's an odor! Go Army! Beat Navy!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Great Reader KIM Jong Gene, here. Been a hell of a week LOOONG time!!! But, it could have been worse'r... I'm sure. Anyways...on Monday our front-loading washing machine freeking SPLODED! I guess the letters "H" and "E" on my Kenmore stood for High Explosive instead of High Efficiency. That sucker cost a grand back in 2002. Guess my ruvly wife, the former Miss Kim Shee, my Minister of Norf Korean Finances, has now seen why you should onwree put HE detergent in an HE washing machine. Damn. Sooo.... now the "low voltage" electricial system in our custom built George Jetson/Elvis/Austin Powers style custom built home is playing games. Our local e-wrecked-tricians are gonna make bank. Shit. Speaking of shit... that is what I stepped into yesterday....in the house...and I tracked it around...of course. Damn dogs. This is why you should never wear any shoes in a Korean household...so you know immediately when you stepped in it! Serves me right, I guess. Oh well, that's life. But, hey! It's a Friday!! So let's dance LOOONG time, and keep all of our troops and their families in our prayers!!!

Leslie Knows Great Reader LOOONG Time!!!

Leslie, of Leslie's Omnibus, knows my likes and dislikes LOOONG time!!! Ain't nothing better than... (other than our own awesome US Armed Forces)... than some KIM Jong IL, WWE Wrestling action, and rap musick... looong time!!! WARNING: This is NOT safe for the work environment, looong time!!! Again...thanks LOOONG time, to the wonderful Leslie!!!

KIM Jong IL Watches CNN

Meanwhile somewhere norf of the Samsung-infested nation of South Korea we find Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL watching Shee-N-N for the latest news...

KIM: General Wang! Come quick and adjust wabbit ears on mine Philco TV!!

WANG: (enters and adjusts) There you go, Great Reader Sir! Rabbit ears all adjusted.

KIM: Great! This is LOOONG time important breaking news I'm watching!!!

WANG: Wow! Look at all those people jumping up and down, celebrating, and waving flags, Sir.

KIM: Yeah...I'm guess Bawack Whosenamed Obama has granted them all amnesty! Looks like those Mexiclans know how to throw a fiesta LOOONG time!!!

WANG: Sir...those are Egyptians.

KIM: Oh...my bad.

WANG: Will there be anything else, Oh Great One?

KIM: I'm hung-glee, Wang. Why don't you call Colonel Sanchez's Korean Fried Chicken and order up a bucket of El Pollo Loco!

WANG: Si.

Korean New Year: KIM Jong IL Talks Football and Beer

Meanwhile back in Norf Korea on the north side of South Korea's goal post (the DMZ) it's Korean New Year's Day and we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL, thinking and drinking, NFL football...LOOONG TIME...while watching cartoons on TV.

KIM: You knows, General Wang,...for Korean New Years...I'm just wishes that Betts Favre was going to bee in the Soupers Bowl. (BELCH!)

WANG: I didn't know you liked American football, Great Reader Sir.

KIM: Butt of clourse! NFHell Footsball is very good game!! (BURRRP!!!) Hands me a'nudder beer...will you, General Wang?

(Wang goes to KIM's 225 sq ft compact bar fridge, opens door, and finds all sorts of beers)

WANG: Uhhh...Great Reader, Sir?

KIM: What's problem?

WANG: Which brand do you want, Sir? There are so many...

KIM: The green and yellow, white and green, purple and white one...of course!

WANG: Hmm...(examines beer)... I've never heard of this beer, Great One.

KIM: You means to tells me you never herds of OLD NUMBA #4, made by Betts Brewery?!

WANG: I'm afraid not, Sir...

KIM: Why...it's the beer that made the Green Bay Jets of New York City, Minnesota famous!


WANG: I should of known.

KIM- Wanna watch some TV with me, General Wang?

(KIM puts on his green & yellow Viking helmet)

WANG: Uhhh...well...no thanks, Sir. I'm not into Spongebob Squarepants.

KIM- What???!!! I'm thoughts it was a show about Gween Bay fans! Damn!!!

WANG: Anything else before I go, Sir?

KIM: Change TV channel on remote.

WANG: Certainly, Great Reader...what to?

KIM: The K-9 channel... I want to see sneak previews of the 2011 Westminster Dog Show. I'm heard Michaels Vick is gonna be one of the judges!

WANG: (OMG)...

fin.

* This one's for that "Favre Lover" LOOONG time....UNCLE JIMBO...at BLACKFIVE.

(also known as: UNCLE JIMBLOW and BRACKFIVE, in Norf Korean speak.)

KIM Jong IL Not Surprised

Dateline: Pyongyang (APee)- Great Reader of Norf Korea, KIM Jong IL, has just discovered he has a half-sister in the Chicago, Illinois area. Her name is Oprah Winstuffforfree.

Koreans Kick Pirate Butt!!! Let's Dance!!!

Not only do Norf Koreans kick Somali pirate butt as seen HERE...but so do the South Koreans who have had it with paying ransom to Somali pirates as seen HERE today.
The score? All 21 members of the South Korean vessel safe...not so much the 8 dead Somali pirates and 4 captured. In honor of this day let's all dance to a super looong time cool tune! This is an oldy but a goody I wrote a ways back...
Remember that song "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits? You know...I want my MTV and all of that? Sure ya do! So I wrote this here song through the sand-filled eyes of Iranian Freedom Fighters (AKA: terrorists) Abdul and Mohammad, on location (redeployed) in Iraq...

(*Abdul sings to Mohammad)



I want to,
I want to,
I want to be Somali...

I want to,
I want to,
I want to be Somali...

Now look at them Muslim brothers
That's the way you do it
You play buccaneer like that Somali
That ain't working, that's the way you do it
Money from the Great Satan and your Virgins almost for free

Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it
Let me tell you them Pirates ain't dumb
Maybe catch a head-shot from some Navy frigate
Maybe get off with only a cut left thumb

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean all these R.P.G.'s

The little pirate with the earring and the makeup
Yeah Mohammad, that's his own teeth
That little pirate got his own jet airplane (ride)
That little pirate even get's B.L.T.'s (sorry Allah)

(*Abdul and Mohammad sing together)

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

(*Mohammad sings to Abdul)

Look at that, look at that
I should have learned to talk like a pirate
I should have learned to dance a jig
Look at that punk-ass pirate, grinnin at the cameras
While we sweat our balls off, here...chewin on figs
And Obama's up there, what's that? Hawaiian noises?
Shakin' hands like a fuckin chimpanzee (Oooo...I said chimpanzee)
Oh, that ain't working, that's the way you do it
Get your power from ACORN and your bailouts for free (not free for taxpayers)

(*Abdul busts-up and joins Mohammad in song)

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

Listen here
Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it
You play the Pirate on the NBC
That ain't working, that's the way you do it
Food for nothing and your cell (jail) for free
Clothing for nothing and running water for free

Get your prayer mat for nothing, get your Korans for free
Clean sheets for nothing, pen & paper for free

Look at that, look at that
Get your TV for nothing, get your basketball for free
(I want to, I want to, I want to be Somali)
Law library for nothing and the ACLU to help you get out for free

Easy, easy

That ain't working