Thursday, March 3, 2011

Birthdays and Jehovah

Today is my Mom's birthday. But before you go and think I am going to get all smushy-mushy about it, you can stop right there. I haven't written much in awhile but my deceased mom's, Jehovah H. God, has inspired me to do just that. Some kids were lucky and had moms that were kleptomaniacs or alcoholics. Not us. No such luck. Ya see, my mom was a Jehovah's witness. She was a door knocker! A bell ringer! A waker-upper and an interrupter!! A purveyor and peddler of Watchtower and Awake magazines, was she!!! ALL Praise Jehovah!
When I was a little guy she would drag some of us kids along with her spreading the word of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Brooklyn, NY... in hopes of getting fewer doors slammed in her face, I guess. Or cussed out, I reckon. Clearly she was not one of those heathen unbeliever's who's ass was doomed from the get-go of Armageddon! Nope. You would never find a crucifix, rosary, Christmas tree, or a birthday cake or candle, anywhere's in my "Mom's House of Jehovah God". Can I get an amen from you Sisters and Brothers out there? Oh yeah! Well, that was my Mom's stand on birthdays. Well...except for "HER" birthday.
My awakening about my mom's birthday was around the end of February or the beginning of March 1962. It was then I recall my mom first would start dropping us kids subtle hints. Hints like saying... "Gift wrapping paper is now on sale now at our local Sprouse Reitz Variety Store!"...or saying "I could really use a new pen and pencil set to take notes with at the Kingdom Hall."...or maybe saying that she could sure use a new book bag (to carry all her damn Watchtower and Awake magazines in). When it came down to crunch time, that is...when it was the night before her birthday, she prayed with us to Jehovah God telling us (as usual) to give thanks to such a loving God who would spare us (but not those rotten neighbor kids) from heaven's fire raining down upon our unwashed asses, come the time of Armageddon. Then... in a Charlie Sheen moment...she would start humming "Happy Birthday to You". Happy birthday, Mom!
I guess blogging is work of the Devil. Oh well. JG;)


innominatus said...

That poster is beyond awesome!

Does he feel the same way about the 14 year old Mormon punks wearing "Elder" namebadges?

stopsign said...

Enjoyed your post! Thanks :)

Kid said...

I talked to them. They told me only 10,000 can go to Heaven. I'd immediately tell them, well, I guess you're full up then and close the door.

Strange what some folks latch on to. It sure is a crazy crazy world we live in.

pamibe said...

Happy Birthday - I think - to your Mom!

IF I open the door... and that's a very big if... I explain that I respect them for what they're doing but no thank you.

If pushed -and why do they love to push?- I'll use the 'go sell crazy somewhere else; we're all full up here' line. Hate to do it, but there it is.

JihadGene said...

innominatus- I would hope so!

stopsign- Great!

kid- Yes it is a craygee wirld LOOONG time!!!

Pam- ROR at "if pushed".

Teresa said...

Love that poster! I wish I'd thought of it. LOL. I "think" I should wish your mom a HB... unless she wanted to come knock on my door. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm in the minority here. I'd have made friends with your mom like I made friends with the neighbourhood JWs here. We agree on scripture verses and I don't try to convince them the Pope is the Vicar of Christ and politely overlook the picture of the pope with horns in their little book and they don't tell me I am going to hell. Somewhere maybe God is proud of us for our Rodney King moments.

Happy Late B-Day Mrs. JG. You raised a good son.


eloisa said...

you understand why jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate birthdays right? in the bible appears only two birthdays and in both innocent people were murdered, one of the was john the baptists. not even jesus celebrated his bithday, he just said we had to remember his death

Anonymous said...

It is horrible that you talk bad about your mother and JWs on a blog...way to go.
What is the point of celebrating a birthday? It's just another day that thousands of people were born on too. It doesn't mean you're special. Like the comment before mine, Jesus Christ, God's first creation, a perfect man did not celebrate his own birthday but instead told us to commemorate his death Luke 22:19,20.
He gave himself in sacrifice for us.
For the record, it is 144,000 that will reign in heaven next to Jesus Crist in Jehovah's kingdom Revelation 14:1.
Either way, Jehovah Witnesses will continue to knock, even though most people think we are a bother. There are those who will continue to listen because it is the truth.

Davidwtke said...

So if you are watching your calorie and fat intake, just something to keep in mind. Whatever the case, he was known to have robbed at least 28 Wells Fargo stagecoaches of their strongboxes, but never fired a shot from his unloaded shotgun or harmed a passenger. The decisions to take or buy items are not selective ones.