Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Road Trip


Deer Readers,
We have come back safely to our PyongYang Palace in Central Cali-Flornia! The 3 of us had a successful secret spy trip to the Land of Analcavityheads (L.A.) .
Me, Great Reader KIM Jong IL (JihadGene), the Norf Korean Minister of Finance and Head Honcho of the War Department (Wife), and my Son of Guns (Karate Kid, age 12) have returned "Victoriously" to the People's Republic of Koweefornia's Central Valley! Let's me give you a Bro by Bro (blow by blow) description of our trip...
PREPARATION....Getting ready to go on "Top Secret" mission to Lost Angelswuss takes planning!

Friday 25 July 2008
1. Make list of needed items to be purchased when in El Ray (L.A.).
2. Arrange for care and feeding of family pets (cat & dogs-also known as food inNorf Korea)
3. Refrigerator (piece of shit GE) only 3 years old breaks down.
4. Call GE Bastards and get repairs man to Palace of KIM Jong IL before heading out to El Ray!
5. GE guy comes to Palace on same day. Praise Allah! Sort'a fixes piece of crap GE refrigerator.
GE guy leaves. Refrigerator takes another dump. Refrigerator no working. Sucks. Call GE. They can come back on Wednesday....kiss mines Norf Korean ass. I'm screwed.
6. Get home from work (our store) in the evening and I'm notice the Palace Alarm system is showing a "Low Battery" signal. We never leave Norf Korea, and now, when we are gonna goes to the big city of El Way (L.A.) the home alarm is now acting funky. Not good. Oh well.
7. Say blessings to KIM Il Sung, and eat spoiling foods for dinner. Have warm waters-melon for dessert. Good night.

Getting Outta Here!
Saturday 26 July 2008
1. Beg GE Heathen Bastards to fix GE piece 'o shit refrigerator today. Sorry Charlie. No can do. See yoo Wednesday sucker. Shit.
2. Have warm and spoiled food fors breakfast. Chuck breakfast. We go out to Micky D's.
3. Say blessings to KIM Il Sung, and remember why I'm hates Micky D's.
4. Go work. Wife leave work and packs for memorable trip to L. Way.
5. Home alarm system funky like a monkey. Call ADT Bastards. No problemo! They come out today after 12. Good news!
6. ADT Bastards call back. No can do today. Sorry Charlie. Fix on Tuesday. Shit.
7. Make sure Imperial Japanese Van is ready for trip to L. Way. It be good to go!
8. Get off work.
9.Go home. Pack. Load van.
10. Alarm working but low battery signal got me worried. Hell wiff it!
11. Get on road. Drive 10 miles outta town and turn around. I'm forget my wallet. Doh!
12. Back on road. Get safe to L. Way. Good.
13. Check in to Korea town Hotel in L. Way. Is good.
14. Go to wonderful Korean restaurant in Korea town. FANTASTIC!
15. It now mid-night. Time to sleep. Bed is awesome! Have Tempur-pedic mattress, nice! Have to get up at 5AM and get ready for Karate tournament. LAPD helicopter now circles hotel all night while LAPD police try out loud speakers and sirens. Good night.

The Karate Tournament
Sunday 27 July 2008
1. 5AM wake up call....KIM Jr (son) is up and at 'em. Ready for karate tournament! Ma & Pa Kim are draggin ass. I'm worry about the alarm system at home. I'm worry too much.
2. Everybody cleaned up ready to go!
3. Go to another suck-ass Micky D's for breakfast.
4. Find Karate Tournament location. Starts at 7:30 AM. We are early 7AM, Good. 0730 Karate Tournament starts late...0900. Not good.
1PM...our son (KIM Jr) fights. WINS! Fights again...WINS! Fights again...WINS! Fights again...WINS! He takes 1st place! Parents KIM and Jane Jong Il very proud!
3:30PM... Son is getting "the holy goat snot" beat outta him by bigger kids in team competition. The God's must be angry at us, as we are not in church listening to the Lord's crappy church music today. My KIM Jr is gettin' banged up pretty bad. Poor kid is hurtin. His team takes 2nd. Mom & Dad proud! Poor kid is limping now, but smiles at Ma & Pa KIM. We love that kid!
* I asked KIM Jr if he wanted to go to Universal Studios or do something special and he just said, "Hotel. Hot bath. Korean restaurant. Sleep". We did.

Back to the Grind!
Monday 28 July 2008
1.) 7:30AM- Wake up. LAPD must of had the night off. Had good nights rest. KIM Jr is very sore this morning. I ask if he's okay. He smiles at me while rubbing the bruises on his forearms. I love him looong time!
2.) 8:00AM- A fanfreekintastic Seafood & ToFu bowl of hot bubbling soup for breakfast! With egg! Plus rice and a million side dishes! Outta this world!
3.) 9:30AM-3PM Garment District. Mrs KIM has us walking 7 miles. KIM Jr limps, but is still faster than me. We order stuff for our store. Then after placing orders, go back and pick it all up.
11:30AM- Have a FANTASTIC Korean lunch in Garment District! The restaurant only seats about 18 and has bicycle delivery service to the various shops in the Grarment District. The food is soooo good! Cheap too!
4.) 3PM- On road home to Central Koweefornia. L Way Traffick SUX! Every hour is rush hour.
5.) 6:20 PM- Home to dead alarm system, dead GE refrigerator, and happy pets!
6.) 7:00PM- Check on employees and store. Unload Imperial Japanese Van. Get ready for tomorrow. All home safe. We happy. Not Crappy. Mission accomplished.

* Some say things break in three's? The fridge and the alarm system were two... was the third my son? Or am I due for something else today? Just wondering. JG


Anonymous said...

No, Kim-chee. You apparently broke LA on the way out. They're thanking you very loooong time.



Anonymous said...

Lol. Get a Whirlpool fridge.

Teresa said...

I'm not gonna laugh about the refrigerator... When I was a kid we had a dishwasher catch fire just before we walked out the door to go on vacation. If we had left just as my mom started it (instead of having to wait while she finished odds and ends) we would've come home to no house. Whew!

As for young Kim... Congratulations!!!

JihadGene said...

Deer DellaBlavo,
Korean food is KimChee. It is a given, or... as you Americlans say... a "no blainer". Having Korean food with no KimChee is most unpardonable sin of unpardonable sins!

Deer Anonnie Mouse- Next times I'm get Samsung or LG fridge-rator!

Deer Teresa- Mom's are good peeps and firefighters! Tanks for congratulations to Victorious Karate Kid Heathen Son of mine. Win or lose, I'm love him mucho looong time!!!

Ruv you all looong time too!
Great Reader Kim Jong IL

Anonymous said...

I thought Elway retired? Is he playin' for the Raiders now?

Maeve said...

Oh so YOUR the reason we had the 5.4 earthquake!!!
Congrats on Kim Jr.!!