Meanwhile somewhere just north of the 38th Parallel (DMZ) in peaceful rocket-launching, peasant-starving, Great-Reader-loving, North Korea, we find the DPRK's
Great Reader, KIM Jong IL back on the World Why Web again...
KIM- Wooooooooooooo! General Wang! Come quick-wee!
WANG- Here your most Hi-Tech One!
WANG- What is it Sir?
KIM-I'm GROOGLE JihadGene and got dirt on his stanky koon-dingie (Korea talk for butt)!
WANG- Yes indeed you have, most Googlie-Eyed One.
KIM- That's Groogly-Eyed!
WANG- Yes, of course, Great Reader.
KIM- Sees here? Says here JihadGene called his elder Sister a JACKASS way brack in 1960...And it fur-der states that JihadGene got his stupid mouf washed out (by Sister) with Ivory bar of soap for it!
Hmmmmm...this good stuff.
WANG- So? What is so great about that, Great One?
KIM- So's what is so great about that?! This is good Intel! I'm can use it agrainst JihadGene to torture him with and hold over his head for all his adult-wife (life) should him ever double-kloss Great Reader, when channeling me.
WANG- Really, Sir?
KIM- HELL YES, WHEELIE -SIR!!! Look.... Says here JihadGene was so dramatized, after the mouse-washing (mouth washing) that he shudders at the very sight of a bar of soap! Him no can go down soapy aisle of local Piggree-Wiggree without breaking out in a bold-sweat!
WANG- But. How. Sir. Can we use this when we are here in Most Glorious Arm-Pit of the World (NORKO) and JihadGene is in beautiful (booty full) California (Koweefornia)?
KIM- Tree words.
WANG- Three words, Sir?
KIM- Read my whips....IN...TOE...NET.
WANG- Internet, Sir?
KIM- Glawd Damn! No wunder you ownree be a 7 Star General in Glorious Starving People's Army. I'm haves to ex-prain everything to you. Okray...so listen up...
WANG- Yes Sir. I'm listening.
KIM- Now hears the deal...him scared of bad talk in front of elder Sister..co-wreck?
KIM- Now what say if KIM Jong Sumbody has E-male addwess of said Elder Sister of JihadGene and nose for a fact that JihadGene does not want her to nose of this BROGG!
WANG- Of blogsite called Great Reader, Great Reader?
KIM- You on it like vomit! So's this Great Anonymuss Reader, let's say, just happens to E-male her and tell her to go to little brudder's brog where him bee posting bad talk.
WANG- I don't know Sir. She's in her 60's and little jihad brother (Gene) is in his 50's. She wouldn't would she?
KIM- She be a womans, General Wang.
WANG- Oh Hell! She would, Sir!
KIM- Eggsackly! And thanks for bad word! I'm E-males her now and we do a test-run of my theory! Now you says bad words and tell big lies, General Wang! I nose women! Tell bold faced lies and say bad talk. JihadGene will suffer for this!
WANG- I'll do my best Sir! Here goes... Well our plane had to do a cork-screw type landing in Bosnia
and then we were rushed from the plane away to a safe building so as to avoid all the sniper fire when ....
KIM- Yes...YES! Go on with the BIG LIE....and say bad words!!!!...
WANG- When...when... when that chicken-shit-prick named SinBad apparently CRAPPED his pants ...turned into a Mr. Puddin-Panties and went F*CKIN blind!
KIM- Go on! You're on a LOL (ROLL)...
WANG- Oh F*CK...let me catch my breath.
KIM- BEAUTIFUL!!! Keep it up!
WANG- Well those military types... all-F*CKIN-around me...didn't know what to do and they freeked when the snipers began poppin-caps at our ASSES, which were out in the open. It was one big CLUSTER-F*CK, I tell ya! Then the enemy, disguised as T.S.A., came running at us with lit fuses and bombs in their shoes. My "usual positive view" of the US Army changed that day.What a bunch of PUSSY'S! THEY F*CKIN THREW DOWN THEIR WEAPONS AND RAN!! THOSE C*CK-SUCKERS RAN!!!
KIM- Yes! YES!!! What did you do?
WANG- Well, I was the FIRST LADY back then, but still, just an average-everyday work-a-day Mom and proud American...so...I picked up a machinegun . The weapon was jammed, but using a bobby-pin, and after completely ruining a macure, I cleared the weapon, an M-2, .50 cal. heavy machinegun, then I began firing it from myslender waistline . I quickly suppressed the sniper fire, killing 16 of those dumb-f*cks. Well, then I figured I'd better call Chelsea, and tell her Mummy loves her, and that Mummy might be delayed a bit whilst I similtaneously mowed down the human waves of fake TSA suicide shoe-bombers. All of which during I gave life-saving CPR to that HORN-DAWG SINBAD! The F*CKER was F*UCKIN faking it! He! FRENCHED! Me!..... Ewwwwwwwww...
KIM- Now we only need that key word for JihadGene's Sister to see. Go on General Wang what does HILL-REE CLINTON think of BILL?
WANG- He's a JACKASS I tell ya!
How was that Great Reader?
KIM- Very good. Now go get me some Johnny-WOKER Brack and for Buddah's sake, don't floorget the ice!
WANG- (mumbling... jackass)
KIM- You say something, Wang?
WANG- Johnny with ice! Coming right up.
KIM- Good (fruckin Jackass General).