Korean TV and Koreans

THE TV (KOREAN)
Don't ya just love it when ya feel like doggie-doo and you really don't want to do much of nothing because of all the 100+ degree global warming crap, called summer? All I wanted to do today, and everyday for the rest of my not-so totally-miserable adult life, is watch a bunch of BS in "High Def" on our brand new (thanks to the GW Bush tax refund) Samsung 46 inch HD LCD TV. However this brogging shit is a commitment, as well as some kind of an addiction... like TV... I guess. I am committed to this (post) for the next 10 minutes anyway, or I should be committed...ah...but you already know that, so I'll just plug away here with my two (US ARMY on-the-job trained) typing index fingers. Man, I wanna watch TV so bad right now. If I could just watch the Weather Channel and see how's the weather in Squid Bay, Arkansas or see hailstones, as big as baseballs, falling on Goat Penis, Oklahoma! ...or man... I just know Obama is gonna say some more lame stuff about Iran, or about Big Oil, or the Economy, and man-oh-man, his big honkin' ears are sooo much bigger and honkin'er, in awesome High Def! When Michelle Obama says crap like... "That is why I am here, because Barack Obama is the only person in this who understands that. That before we can work on the problems, we have to fix our souls. Our souls are broken in this nation." You gotta hear it on the Samsung, in surround sound! What a scream!! She sounds so totally f*ckin NUTZ!!! But nooo, I have to pull myself away from the beautiful jet black lacquered finish of the 46 inch Samsung, series5, model 530, with the swivel base! Did I tell ya about the swivel base? Oh it's sweet, I wanna tell ya.
THE WIFE (KOREAN)
This was gonna be my best summer ever and then the wife steps in front of (into) the picture. Full Metal Jacket was on the other day and she wants to watch some stupid Korean soap opera...I'd rather take an ass-beating...but having relinquished my balls, so many years ago, I handed her the remote. I hate Dish TV. Why the hell do Koreans have to have TV, anyway? Just because South Koreans make the world's best TV's doesn't mean they should watch them, damn it! I feel so sorry for all our Korean War Veterans. To think, our brave Korean War Veterans, shed their blood for the rotten South Koreans who wanna watch soaps on TV or ads about the latest plastic piece-o-shit kitchen gadget, that effortlessly guts a dog's carcass. I wonder if Radio Shack has a Korean Satellite jamming device? Hell, I'd be willing to make 48 easy payments at 27% interest for that. I knew inter-racial marriages had their difficulties, but this sucks Ostrich eggs laced with kimchee.
Gotta go before she catches me in the act of diss'n her.
;-)

KIM Jong IL Reviews The New Yorker

Meanwhile somewhere North of the Samsung-Daewoo line (DMZ) in fabulous Norf Korea, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL examining the latest cover of The New Yorker magazine...

KIM- Cums here, General Wang.

WANG- Here, Great Reader Sir!

KIM- Rook at picture of Barrack Who's-Named Obama and his wife Michelin. Rook closely.

WANG- Looking closely, your Greatness.

KIM- Notice anyting missing in action of photo?

WANG- Something missing in the cover photo....hmmmm. Let's see...American Flag in fireplace.
OBL's picture on wall. Can't tell if Barrack is wearing a flag lapel pin from this angle. His ears seem a little too small maybe, Great Reader?

KIM- You getting warmer....

WANG- Oh yeah. It's Tony Rezko!

KIM- You getting very warmer....hint... it is peoples who be missing.

WANG- Oh now I know, Great Reader. Their kids!

KIM- BLINGO!

WANG- What's their daughters names?

KIM- I'm thinking it's Uday and Qusay.

WANG- Right on.

Fresno Baseball

Yes...it's true. We have very good baseball players in Fresno. Especially the girls!
*Note this is faked (snopes knows most all). It was going to be a Gatorade commercial which got shelved for some reason. Still you've got to admit... it's hell'a cool! hat tip-Helldog

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

It has cleavage, accordions, drunken Brits, cow teats, and it's all done to a Slim Whitman tune! It's a Friday... let's dance!!! **I swear... the guy singing in the brown vest looks like my Uncle Bob**

The Father and Son Talk or Gonna see Uncle Bob's New Car

Yes, it's true. Uncle Bob loved beer, cars, cussing, and he had three official wives. Those were his loves, and yes, in that order. Why he continued to marry or play house, we'll never know. Maybe he wanted to show my Dad that, he too, could be a one woman man. Trouble was that all the beer, cars, and the cussing, seemed to get in the way of his romancing the ladies. Uncle Bob, like his "magic beer cooler" (that never ran out of beer), was a constant work in progress. He was constantly drinking beer, constantly buying cars, constantly cussing, and constantly finding new lady friends. I asked my Dad...

ME- Why aren't you like Uncle Bob?

DAD- Boy, all men are Uncle Bob's. Some are just harder to spot. That's all.

ME- Oh. Then why are you only married to Mom?

*Dad gave me a long look. I thought I made him pissed off again, but he just grinned and broke out into a big smile.

DAD- Just lucky, I guess. Besides, I couldn't afford it.

ME- Are they (women) expensive, Dad?

DAD- Let's just say there's a price to pay, son. You'll learn soon enough.

ME- Huh?

DAD- Just shut that trap of yours up for a minute, Okay?

ME- Okay, Dad. I'm shuttin' my trap up, Dad. But one more thing, Dad?

DAD- Okay. One more the-hell thing. But that's all.

ME- Thanks Dad. How does Uncle Bob afford all the new cars, and sodie (beer), and girlfriends, and wives, and stuff? Are shipyard welders rich, Dad?

DAD- Naw, son. I've got all of you (meaning our family) and that's so damned rich I don't know what the hell to do with all of my money but give it to the damned IRS! Maybe your Uncle Bob doesn't pay the damn IRS.

ME- That's keen, Dad! What's the IRS?

DAD- Great. Now will you shut the hell up for a minute so we can see what your Uncle Bob has in his garage?!

ME- Shutting the hell up, Dad.

DAD- What'd you say?

ME- Nothin', Dad.

DAD- Thought so.

(to be continued)

The All too True Video of Love (happy time)

Barmy Mama ROCKS! Go see her blog and the video here, called "Ooh Girl!" - An Honest R&B Song. It's about makin love...pure and true! Enjoy, but don't have anything you might spill when watching this video, and for God's sakes don't drink any milk when viewing this for the 1st time!
Enjoy...JG and special thanks to Barmy Mama!

Cursing and Conversing with Uncle Bob or The New Car

Dear readers, if you never met my Uncle Bob then start here. To know Uncle Bob is... well...maybe...to love him...but more likely... let's just say that you might have an Uncle Bob in your family tree too. Be nice now, as we are all capable of being Uncle or Aunt Bob's.
Yes, it's true... and it's true that my Dad taught me how to curse in good old everyday conversation, like when talking to my Uncle Bob. Trouble was, that my Uncle Bob and my Dad NEVER. EVER. had a good old everyday conversation.
I remember late in 1966, some months after fishing with Uncle Bob, when we drove over to see him in Fairfield, California. My Dad was so proud, driving that beautiful and new 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle station wagon. Upon our arrival my Dad's and Uncle Bob's good old everyday conversation went like this...

UNCLE BOB- Long time no see, FAT BOY! What in the hell is this?! A stinking *G* damned Chevy!!! It's a *G*damn Chevy station wagon!!! YOU WENT AND BOUGHT A *G*DAMN CHEVY STATION WAGON?! What in the hell is wrong with you?

DAD- Good to see your dumb ass too, Bob.

**That's the way it was for them. It was always that way. My Dad reminded Uncle Bob that not 2 months ago he had traded in his Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider and bought a new car, but Bob didn't tell us what it was.

DAD- Well Bob, you already forget you drove a Chevy? That damned Chevy Corvair of yours, in which you almost took us on a once-in-a *G*damn lifetime scenic tour, off a damned cliff, and into the by-God depths of Lake Berry-fu*kin-essa?!

UNCLE BOB- I was just showing you all how well it *G* damned cornered, that's all! That snaking sum-bitch-of-a-road into Lake Berryessa proved it! And all the while towing a damned 16 foot boat and trailer, mind you! And that car weren't just some dumassed Chevy, either!
It was a Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider! It was a "sportscar"! Highly respected at Laguna Seca Raceway, I'll have you fu*king know!

DAD- (Starts laughing, coughing, and choking)

Laguna Fu*kin Seca, MY ASS!!!!

(laughing & choking again)

UNCLE BOB- Enough of your shit! Look what I got!
(Uncle Bob slowly opens the garage door)

DAD- Shit, Bob! What the hell did you do...rob a *G*damned bank?

UNCLE BOB- Sweet, ain't it?

(To be continued)