Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cursing and Conversing with Uncle Bob or The New Car

Dear readers, if you never met my Uncle Bob then start
here. To know Uncle Bob is... well...maybe...to love him...but more likely... let's just say that you might have an Uncle Bob in your family tree too. Be nice now, as we are all capable of being Uncle or Aunt Bob's.
Yes, it's true... and it's true that my Dad taught me how to curse in good old everyday conversation, like when talking to my Uncle Bob. Trouble was, that my Uncle Bob and my Dad NEVER. EVER. had a good old everyday conversation.
I remember late in 1966, some months after fishing with Uncle Bob, when we drove over to see him in Fairfield, California. My Dad was so proud, driving that beautiful and new 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle station wagon. Upon our arrival my Dad's and Uncle Bob's good old everyday conversation went like this...

UNCLE BOB- Long time no see, FAT BOY! What in the hell is this?! A stinking *G* damned Chevy!!! It's a *G*damn Chevy station wagon!!! YOU WENT AND BOUGHT A *G*DAMN CHEVY STATION WAGON?! What in the hell is wrong with you?

DAD- Good to see your dumb ass too, Bob.

**That's the way it was for them. It was always that way. My Dad reminded Uncle Bob that not 2 months ago he had traded in his Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider and bought a new car, but Bob didn't tell us what it was.

DAD- Well Bob, you already forget you drove a Chevy? That damned Chevy Corvair of yours, in which you almost took us on a once-in-a *G*damn lifetime scenic tour, off a damned cliff, and into the by-God depths of Lake Berry-fu*kin-essa?!

UNCLE BOB- I was just showing you all how well it *G* damned cornered, that's all! That snaking sum-bitch-of-a-road into Lake Berryessa proved it! And all the while towing a damned 16 foot boat and trailer, mind you! And that car weren't just some dumassed Chevy, either!
It was a Chevy Corvair-Monza-Spider! It was a "sportscar"! Highly respected at Laguna Seca Raceway, I'll have you fu*king know!

DAD- (Starts laughing, coughing, and choking)

Laguna Fu*kin Seca, MY ASS!!!!

(laughing & choking again)

UNCLE BOB- Enough of your shit! Look what I got!
(Uncle Bob slowly opens the garage door)

DAD- Shit, Bob! What the hell did you do...rob a *G*damned bank?

UNCLE BOB- Sweet, ain't it?

(To be continued)


Teresa said...

LOL - your Uncle Bob stories are excellent. I think they should be internet fables or something.

Thank you for the prayers in your sidebar - that's so sweet of you.

Anonymous said...

Were your dad and Uncle Bob sailors...? (Well, even with the Evinrude motor....)

Lawsy, I can't wait to hear how Uncle Bob spent his money. Do tell!