Tuesday, May 26, 2009

KIM Jong IL has Your Number


Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, in "The Land of the Morning Missile Launch" we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, beginning a countdown...


KIM- Tin...Nye...Ate...7up...Sex...Fye...Foe...Tree...Too...Wun...

Now, General Wang...HIT BUTTON!!!

WANG- Hit button for what, Great Reader?

KIM- For under-glound nuke! I'm make big exprosion!

WANG- Underground nuke? Make a big explosion, Sir?

KIM- You herds me! Now hit button!

WANG- Sir, we don't have a button here for that sort of thing. You have to call it in on your cell phone to activate detonation.

KIM- Oh...that's right. I'm wii-member now! I'm have to dial a top sea-quit numba on phone to splode that suck'a. Oh, crap!

WANG- Problem, 'O Forgetful One?

KIM- Wang, what is number to bro up the bomb?

WANG- I wouldn't have it, Sir. Only you have it.

KIM- Oh...right. What was that number? I seem to rememblurr the number was in a song...like...Ten Little Indians...naw...I'm Rooking Over a Four Reef Clover...nutz! Give me some songs with numba's in them, Wang.

WANG- Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover? One is the Loneliest Number? 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall? 96 Tears? Mambo Number Five?

KIM- No, Wang. It was a song with a phone numb'a in it...

WANG- How about Sam and Dave doing 634-5789...or perhaps Tommy TuTone doing 867-5309 (Jenny)?

KIM- I'm sure it has to be one of those numba's! I'm dial 634-5789 now....

(voice recording on phone)

Welcome to Britain's got Talent!
To vote for Susan Boyle....press ONE now....
(Kim presses one)

BOOOM!!!

WANG- Success, Sir! Our seismographs are reading an earthquake of 4.7!

KIM- Wow! I wonder what 867-5309 will get me? (Kim dials)

(voice recording on phone)

Hello friend... and welcome to the "Shake Hands with Obama and Friends" hotline!

To shake hands with Barack Obama, press ONE...

To shake hands with Hillary Clinton, press TWO...

To shake hands with Susan Rice (US Ambassador to the UN), press THREE...

KIM- General Wang.

WANG- Yes, Great Reader?

KIM- Get wockets weddy for launch!

WANG- Right away, Most Balistic One!

KIM- Oh...and let me know if Susan Boyle wins.

WANG- Of course, Your Greatness.

15 comments:

Maeve said...

OMG I am SO happy I put down my soda upon opening your site. That picture would of caused diet soda to go all over the place.
Holy cow is that funny!

Anonymous said...

I love you same same tho furst time weaving comment.

I'm a day late but you were on my mind over the weekend and I am forever grateful for your service to Our Country.

Carry on! See you over at the B5.
-alexa kim

The_Kid said...

Kimmy could have saved himself a lot of time if he'd have just called and asked Joe Biden !

Arg !

GO SUSAN BOYLE!!!

She has picked some excellent material for her first two tunes. I wonder what numba three will be..

Maybe the theme from Team America: World Police ? Probably not.

JihadGene said...

Maeve- I'm happy you put down that soda in time!

A. Kim- You numb'a WUN! Thanks looong time for visiting Great Reader!

C_Bob: Ha-HA! Team America...Susan Boyle yells..FU@K YEAH!!!

The_Kid said...

For the Queen !

Ahahah

Anonymous said...

... bhwhahaahahah...... absolutely hilarious......

Eric

JihadGene said...

C_Bob: God shave the Queen!

Eric- Thanks looong time!

Hammer said...

Hahah! Only Jong wouldn't have a big red button.

JihadGene said...

Hammer- Maybe Hillery will give him one.

Cappy said...

Let's light this rocket!

JihadGene said...

Cappy- Fire that muth'a up!

buffalodick said...

A North Korean missile.... That guy couldn't hit a cow in the ass with a banjo if it was standing still...

JihadGene said...

BDick- I hope you're right.

H2o said...

Where do you come up with this stuff??? LMAO...

JihadGene said...

H2O- I guess it comes from my parents being Texan or my being raised in California surrounded by Koreans ;).