This UFO was spotted near the Calexico-Mexicali area of northern Mexico at sunset today, approx 1958 hrs (PST). The UFO was last seen headed in a northwest direction towards Fresno, California which is a known hide-out of the infamous That 1 Guy. Homeland Security's own Janet Napolitano was unavailable for comment as she was busy trying to suck up to the VFW and American Legion, the stooopid bitch! The White House did, however, issue this unauthorized statement from Vice President Joe Biden...
"F#ck wearing a mask! If this sucker flies over you and you got no overhead cover, you'd best be donning a pith helmet and some wrap around shades at a minimum! Maybe a fireman's helmet, if ya can get your hands on one. That mask ain't gonna save anybody's ass, if you're asking me! Whatever you do, don't look up! Also I would suggest that all citizens (legal and undocumented) carry a sturdy-ass'd picnic umbrella! Oh...and for God's sakes, whatever ya do, don't even f#cking fly! Could you imagine flying low-and-slow in Air Force 1, over New York City, and end up hitting' a flock 'O them bastards at 3,000 feet! Then having them gettin' sucked-up in the jet turbines of that 747 and the F-16 jet fighter escort?! Holy carnitas, Batman! You'd be scaring the hell out of everyone! But... in the end...I guess you'd be making a bunch of Puerto Ricans very happy."
Happy weekend!
