Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Scots, Germans,Texans, and Koreans

For fine food photos and some insight into his life and opinions... I visit Buffalodick over at Opinions & Rectums, We All Got One! Buffalodick's latest comment was on his Dutch lineage. So "I" am therefore inspired by Buffalodick to share with you the following conversation with my wife, the lovely Kim...

ME- (I state innocently) Honey, you are Korean.

KIM-(she responds like a suspicious cat) Yes.

ME- (trying to maintain an innocent tone) Well, Dear...I know how Koreans are and I was...

KIM- (stated softly with missile launching eyes locked on target/me) You do?

ME- (verbally kissing ass) Well, I mean... I know how Koreans value their families and honor their elders and all... but I do clown them (rightfully, I tell myself) occasionally for some of their actions, like when they nut-up over sports, or most anything in life generally speaking, but...

KIM- (stated clearly with eyes locked on target JihadGene) But? But what? You gonna say you love me LOOONG time like you say in your crazy brog and make fun of how I'm speak sometimes?

ME- (clearly sweating, though the weather is cool) Well, thanks for putting up with me, Hun.

KIM- (now in Korean Professor mode) Now let's rook at you.

ME- (cautiously) Yes?

KIM- (now in lawyer mode) You are born of Texans with ancestors from Germany and Scotland, are you not?

ME- (getting defensive) Well, yeah... but I don't see where you're going with this, Dear.

KIM- (smiling like a used car salesman) Well, let me do a racial profiling of you. Is that not fair?

ME- (sounding like a sucker for a used car) Yeah, I guess so...

KIM- (back in lawyer/professor mode) You are part Scotch, German, and Texan...

ME- (interrupting) OK-OK! So what does that make me?

KIM- (sounding like my wife) You are therefore very capable of making anyone laugh, anyone angry, and are somehow still able to manage having a wife who loves you very much.

ME- (relieved and impressed) WOW! That was cool, Honey!

KIM- (in 3rd grade teacher mode) Do you know what the moral of this story is?

ME- (excited like a 3rd grader) But of course I do!

KIM- (like a Mom) And that is?

ME- Don't piss off a Korean! Especially your wife!!!

KIM- (like a Korean Taekwondo Master) Exactly, Grasshopper.


Vixen said...

Well, Grasshopper, that was a close one. You better tread carefully.

patti said...

you are scotch? hmmm - grasshopper can make anyone happy :)

buffalodick said...

You get a grasshopper, I get a sawed off Dutch porcupine..Ever seen the little Dutch girl with a stick, on a mission? She was goin' after me...

Omnibus Driver said...

Oh, boy. You'd think I posted tthis just for you today, wouldn't you?

pamibe said...

Awwww... that was sweet! The lovely Kim knows you like a book, doesn't she? ;)

USA_Admiral said...

You are lucky you got out of that one with your ass still attached and able to be used for something other than a hat?

Necromancer said...

There are three things you should heed.
"Don't sword-fight with Zorro"
'Don't piss in the wind" and probably.
"Don't mess with your wife" or another old one.

'Don't F__ with me"

She had ya there Jihad-Gene.

Kanani said...

Well, you can piss off your wife, but you'd better go outside and wash her car pronto!

aA said...

A fellow Texan gettin' in trouble using his mouth. Hmm, sounds vaguely farmiliar!

You's one brave man, I tell ya what. (the last sentence read in Hank Hill voice.)

Great post, I come over from reading your comment at Innominatus.