Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Afghan Dust Storms, Water, & Koreans

In AFGHANISTAN SHRUGGED I read about a real pain in the ass and misery... an Afghan dust storm. Being an American fighting man, Vampire 06, wrote about the wind, heat, and very fine Afghan dust, as follows: "Use a hairdryer and sandpaper on your face and you’ll get the general feeling. I think to myself there must be some way to package this little piece of torture and sell it to spas back home in California. I’m convinced that somebody will buy it; it’s too stupid not to have someone believe it’s good for them." He also wrote: "By the way anyone up for an “Afghan Cleansing Wind Treatment”? Look for it coming soon to a spa near you! I know somebody is going to buy this, I just know it!"

(Photo: The Dirty Dozen)

In reference to the Afghan Cleansing Wind Treatment, I believe I have the clientele perfect-o for Vampire 06....the South Koreans. You see, my in-laws are Korean and when they come to visit us (in the USA) they prefer to drink our nasty-assed-stinkin-stanky-sulfur-infested tap water. It kind of smells a little like rotten eggs (ick!).
It's got a musky kind of a smell. A musk funk...and not in a good way. Rather than drink the good water we have delivered to our home, they, these sons and daughters of "The Land of the Morning Calm", want to drink the nasty crap-water, exclaiming "It smells! This water must have a lot of good minerals in it! Good for your health! Everyone drink! Drink up!" I tried to explain that this wasn't necessarily the case but they would have none of it and continued drinking many gallons of our funkified water. I let them poison themselves. Damn Koreans! They make me want to drink. I'm sure they will gladly cleanse themselves, The Afghan Way, and stand in line with cash money for Vampire Six's latest enterprise. Oh...if you come to our house and I give you our regular tap water to drink you should either... 1.) be honored that I think you are a Korean... or 2.) take the hint and not hang around too long. Bloggers Tammi & That1Guy outsmarted me. When they visited, they brought their own beer. Bastards.

Korean Rule#1- If it stinks it must be good for you.
Guess the wife thought I stunk and married me. Yeah, I'm a stinker.


Hammer said...

A town just south of here is called sulphur springs..for a reason..the water is brownish yellow and anyone who drinks it for any period of time smells just like a rotten egg fart.

JihadGene said...

Hammer- Welcome to my California town...El Rancho Egg Farto.

The_Kid said...

Wow. This is odd. I was Just thinking a couple of days ago about the water fountains at West View Amusement Park in Pittsburgh.

Our folks took my brothers, my sister and I there to ride the roller coasters and the spinning puke machines. Though I never blew chunks. Even today, I have a cast iron stomach.

But the water that came from the drinking fountains smelled like rotten eggs to the power of 10. Sulfer I suppose as I look back.

Even at 10 years old I wondered how in the hell someone could f* up the water that bad.

The pizza was pretty good. The cotton candy was great but too damn sticky, and there were far too many bees around the concessions that sold soda pop.

The women were incredible and unfortunately way too old for me, but the roller coasters were the initiation into Manhood. As if I needed it... but that's another story.

And yes, at 10 I Could ring the bell at the strongman hammer machine.

Visual AidThe hammer was a lot bigger.

(Yes, I think I'm gearing up to start writing some stories on my blog..:)

Teresa said...

Korean Rule#1- If it stinks it must be good for you. I only have one thing to say...

kim chee

That is all.

USA_Admiral said...

You sir are an entrepreneur.

I am sure glad that Egg farto smell is just a distant memory.

I can still smell it now.

rayanne said...

I was going to point out over on Vampires blog that when everyone was saying 'sell it to Californians they're stupid enough to buy it' that you made it clear we are smart enough not to drink the water here,not just where you live but everywhere. But yet, the Koreans love it. So the sand should be shipped that way.