Saturday, January 31, 2009
It's 3:00 AM in Washington DC and Nancy Pelosi's Phone Rings
Meanwhile somewhere very North of the DMZ's 50 yard line we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, on the phone and strapped for cash, strugglin' to cover his day-to-day DickTorial expenses in the DPRK...
PHONE VOICE- (sexy female) Hello and welcome to the voice activated NON-PARTISAN Madame Speaker, Nancy Pelosi Democrat Congressional Stimulus Package Bailout Hot Line. For survey purposes only, state your party affiliation...
VOICE- A California Democrat. Is that correct?
VOICE- Good. Congratulations!You have now reached step two in our three step process for fast cash! Did you back that bitch Hillery Clinton or God's gift to the people, Barack Obama, in the 2008 Presidential race?
VOICE- Very good! Now for step three, to complete your request, loudly and clearly tell nonpartisan Nancy, back in Washington DC, just how much money you need.
KIM- (this shit's too easy) Oh say mayblee...FIVE HUN-DWED MILLYAWN DOLLA's, U.S!!!
VOICE- Did you say "only" $500,000,000 ?
KIM- Yes I'm did.
VOICE- What kind of pathetic bailout request is that?!!! You love Sarah Palin, don't you, ya sawed off little Republican puppet!!! We deal in BILLIONS of dollars worth of pork here, ya slanty-eyed punk!
KIM- Don't get racist with me, Blitch!
VOICE- We are nonpartisan Democrats, incapable of racism, just ask Louis Farrakhan! Ya Jew-loving tramp! Your request is denied...*CLICK*.
KIM- Puck you looong time too!!! (hangs up phone) . Okray General Wang let's get this "Restart of Norf Korean Aggression Show" back on the road!
WANG- Roger that, Great Reader. Tell me, Great One...what was the 500 million gonna go for?
KIM- Chips and dip.
WANG- Chips & dip, Sir?
KIM- For Souper Bowl Sunday, of clourse!
WANG- Of course, Your Greatness.