Saturday, January 31, 2009

It's 3:00 AM in Washington DC and Nancy Pelosi's Phone Rings


Meanwhile somewhere very North of the DMZ's 50 yard line we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, on the phone and strapped for cash, strugglin' to cover his day-to-day DickTorial expenses in the DPRK...

PHONE VOICE- (sexy female) Hello and welcome to the voice activated NON-PARTISAN Madame Speaker, Nancy Pelosi Democrat Congressional Stimulus Package Bailout Hot Line. For survey purposes only, state your party affiliation...

KIM- Communist.

VOICE- A California Democrat. Is that correct?

KIM- Okray.

VOICE- Good. Congratulations!You have now reached step two in our three step process for fast cash! Did you back that bitch Hillery Clinton or God's gift to the people, Barack Obama, in the 2008 Presidential race?

KIM- Obllama.

VOICE- Very good! Now for step three, to complete your request, loudly and clearly tell nonpartisan Nancy, back in Washington DC, just how much money you need.

KIM- (this shit's too easy) Oh say mayblee...FIVE HUN-DWED MILLYAWN DOLLA's, U.S!!!

VOICE- Did you say "only" $500,000,000 ?

KIM- Yes I'm did.

VOICE- What kind of pathetic bailout request is that?!!! You love Sarah Palin, don't you, ya sawed off little Republican puppet!!! We deal in BILLIONS of dollars worth of pork here, ya slanty-eyed punk!

KIM- Don't get racist with me, Blitch!

VOICE- We are nonpartisan Democrats, incapable of racism, just ask Louis Farrakhan! Ya Jew-loving tramp! Your request is denied...*CLICK*.

KIM- Puck you looong time too!!! (hangs up phone) . Okray General Wang let's get this "Restart of Norf Korean Aggression Show" back on the road!

WANG- Roger that, Great Reader. Tell me, Great One...what was the 500 million gonna go for?

KIM- Chips and dip.

WANG- Chips & dip, Sir?

KIM- For Souper Bowl Sunday, of clourse!

WANG- Of course, Your Greatness.

10 comments:

Jean said...

crikey...by the pic of her, Nancy is in dire need of a push-up bra with industrial strength underwire!

Anonymous said...

Great Struff!

(Oh, the damage these idiots are going to do to this country...)

cb

pamibe said...

LOL! If we could only harness your powers for good instead of evil...!

Ruv you rong time!!

Anonymous said...

Glad someone can make me laugh at this.

You'll find me hiding under my bed with a bottle of Moscato for the next 3.92 years. Don't wanna know, don't wanna hear. Gaah!!!

Deltabravo

Richmond said...

Heh - It's good to have a giggle even if all of this scares the crap outta me...

joated said...

Jean, I think she's got one of those but it's tied behind her ears. I mean, why else would she have that rictus grin and pop-out eyes all the time.

Excellent job GreatReader!

Anonymous said...

You see where congress just gave each of them 93,000 in cash. Just a little party cash I guess.

To help their constituents - the bar owners and the late night professional people in particular I'm guessing.

cb

Teresa said...

Brilliant or should I say Blirrant...

ROFLMAO!!!

RedNeck said...

93,000... uh, I could use that, and probably give back change, and help to bail out the banks in my own personal way.

And since the K's(North and South) are bein' bitchy about BO in the WH, don't they have W's number? He ain't got nothin' to do right now, 'cept clear bRush at the ranch.

I was gonna get nancypelosisucks.com for you, but some fella in Utah beat me too it. I did get Stewart Scott though...

nancypelosisux.com is available though...

Anonymous said...

Dear I'm Got Wockets:
Is it true you have a new missile? Can it reach the USA? Really???? Could you please keep that quiet? We're trying to convince Americans they don't need a defense industry. You're messing with our mojo.

Love and kisses,
Nancy Pelosi