Saturday, June 14, 2008

Fishing With Uncle Bob Part II by jihadgene


Hello readers! Please go read Fishing With Uncle Bob Part I before you read this post for the full bodied flavor of my mostly-true story. Now as I said before, it was early summer 1966, we have left Lake Berryessa, with my Dad feeling no pain, with my Uncle Bob at the wheel of his cute little Monza Spider pulllin' a sixteen foot boat (powered by Miller High Life & Evinrude) feeling even LESS than no pain, and we have now swerved-our-way into the Suisun Slough dock and boat ramp area. It was impressive! Even Uncle Bob thought so. I realized this when Uncle Bob stopped, in the middle of his pissing behind the car door into the Hills Brothers coffee can, and remarked..."Look at the size of that sum-bitichin' cabin cruiser"! There were some high rollers there, for sure!
Now to launch Bob's boat...
FIRST...Uncle Bob ensured the cooler was filled to capacity with a case of Miller High Life and two Dr Pepper's, one for me and one for my brother Joe-Bob, then the coolers were meticulously topped off with ice. Uncle Bob, who supervised us doing this, nodded his approval, belched loudly and laughed! My Dad laughed. I looked to my older brother Joe-Bob who only smiled that million dollar nervous smile of his, but said nothing. I felt so damn doomed!
Well, I guess Uncle Bob must have sensed my bummed-out attitude...( Hell, I thought I was going to the morgue that afternoon on a one-way-ride. That is if they found our chewed-up and water-logged corpses in the Suisun Slough before we were washed out into the Pacific!)...and...

NEXT... Uncle Bob proceeded to give us all a Pep Talk...while eyeballing me, specifically. Though his words were slurred....his message was immortal, intimidating, and clear! I watched as my own drunken Uncle Bob (a true Texan like my Dad) turned into President Lyndon Baines Johnson before my very eyes! LBJ...I mean Uncle Bob said..." I know you men are armed with only Zebco model 202 fishing reels, a meager handful of #6 Eagle Claw hooks, some K-Mart six pound test fishing line, a few split shot (for weights), and a couple of swivels, but we can catch these big fish using only night crawlers and tiny red-worms! Hell, anchovy cost more than beer! I will not stand for that, bullshit! You will get in this boat right-now, under your own power, or I'll by-God grab you by the ears, like some stupid Beagle-Dog, and throw you in! Like it or not"!!!
My Dad laughed like hell.!I cursed Jehovah and all His Witnesses for being such ass-holes as to let a good kid like me croak at such an early age!!! I just knew my little sister would be happy.
At this point I had nothing else to lose. I looked to my brother Joe for some support... Shit! He was just smiling that nervous smile.. LBJ's orders...I mean Uncle Bob's instructions were for my Dad and us two boys to get into the boat. Uncle Bob was gonna launch us. He tried! And he tried again! After another beer Uncle Bob realized....(to be continued)...

6 comments:

RedNeck said...

I feel like I'm watchin' an after school special, and there's a commercial come on at every good part damnit...

Happy Farter's day dude!

JihadGene said...

Happy fartin Father's Day to you too, 'Neck!
Gene

Anonymous said...

That Dr. Pepper angle tipped off the Texas identities of the perps. Yep. Every time.

DeltaBravo

JihadGene said...

You live in Texas, don't you Deltabravo?! Hook 'em Horns (Viking Doll ones too!)!!! JG

RedNeck said...

I gotta hear hookem horns over here too? Sheeeat...

JihadGene said...

I'm sorry, 'Neck. Oh...that's right...you're one of those North Carolina Sheeeat Heel fans, aren't ya?

How was Father's day for ya?
Hope it was a good one!
Gene