Thursday, March 10, 2011

Caffeine Criminal Advice and Forrest Gump


DATELINE: Fresno, California "Drive-by Country": It seems Fresno has a crazed middle-aged male, named Charles Burkhalter, who is a Red Bull thief on the loose LOOONG time!!! Dude has stolen more than $1,000 worth of Red Bull from local Stop-n-Rob convenience markets. He wears a Red Bull shirt and carries a clipboard, claiming he is "swapping out" old inventories of the drink. Charles, you dumb ass LOOONG time!!! If you read my blog...Charles...and you probably do...based upon the fact that you are totally twisted and apparently can read the words "RED" and "BULL". Charles, get your shit together! If you're gonna take the chance to do the time for a crime...then do it right! Get a Forrest Gump green colored sun-visor and a matching green apron. Then... using your trusty clipboard...hit up the nicer grocery stores around Fresno for Starbucks coffee and drink products! If the Forrest Gump thing works for ya...I say, go for a two-fer and swipe some jumbo shrimp while you're at it! Geeez, man!! Think of it LOOONG time!!! Shrimp burger and a grande latte...shrimp cocktail and a Frappuccino...shrimp gumbo and a tall Tazo Joy tea...shrimp blah-blah-blah...and a blah-ha-ha...

*thanks to Matt (BLACKFIVE) for the inspiration of this post LOOONG time!!!

4 comments:

innominatus said...

My stepdaughter once got caught shoplifting a Red Bull. That crap's worse than crack, man!

Teresa said...

LOL - run Forest run.

A Red Bull thief. I guess people will steal anything.

The_Kid said...

LOL !

Criminals Are dumb !

Elm said...

Now he go to prison LOOONG time? He should have gotten some peas 'n' carrots, too.