KIM- General Wang!
WANG- Right here, Great One!
KIM- Get Blic pen and paper for taking of dictation from Dicktator!
WANG- Got it and ready, Sir!
KIM- Deer Peoples of Eeejipped (Egypt)... Deer Peoples of Yeahman (Yemen)...Deer Peoples of Sleeria (Syria)...Deer Peoples of MichaelJORDAN, Deer Peoples of Slobby-Arabia, Deer Peoples of Stanthetalibanman, Deer Peoples of all the gay city-dwellers of Dogmaskus (Damascus), and Tehran (AKA: Deerborn, Michigan)...
You gettin' all this, Wang?
WANG- I'm right with you, Sir!
KIM- Good. Where was I....oh yeah... Deer sheep pornicating peoples of Iran...I'm KIM Jong IL...and I'm am sending you this O'fishwall Norf Korean letter so's you will not be empressed by the Great El Diablo, President Baalack Whose-Named Obama! He and his claim to have any and all connections with "you people" as a MooseLimb (Muslim), is all a bunch of DONG! Lend an ear and listen to the Great Reader's story...
I'm was born a poor black child.
(Wang fights back laughter as KIM gives Wang "the look") (Kim continues)
I'm was a little Jakarta street kid...NO! Make that a BIG PyongYang street thug....and I got into twubble more than one thousand times for making feces...NO!... Make that, making faces... during my Norf Korean-Koran study classes, at the KIM IL SUNG Wocket Scientist School and Mosque for Radicalized Losers. For mine actions I'm was water-boarded for more than 2 days. I'm holds mine breath for over 49 hours just to show those infidels who they were dealing with! Later I'm went out and golfed 11 hoe's in one! I'm one bad ass moe-foe, I am! Where was I? Oh yeah....later I'm was taken to a gulag where dogs was barking at me! There, I'm was force-fled Jimmy Dean's pure pork sausages while blindfolded! Later, during Ladies Night, I was featured in a nudie gulag porno pic! It's hell being a Mooselimb, I tell ya.
But on the bwight side...one of the prettiest sounds I'm ever heard on this here Planet Earf, was mine Father calling us to pwayer (prayer) , in Arabrick, at sunset...
WANG- Can you elaborate further, your Imamness?
KIM- Certainwee! At suns-set it would begin with the sound of an air-raid siren and my Daddy, KIM IL SUNG, would alert us with his battle cry!
WANG- Excuse me, Most Holy One. Battle cry, Sir?
KIM- Yes. Once the air-raid sirens sounded (wooden spoons on pots and pans) my Dad would yell his infamous battle cry of "HOLY SHIT"!!! Then... the air-raiding of villages, and the killing of civilians would begin! The young American soldiers would soon arrive and then be going into the homes of Norf Korean Mooselimbs in the dead of night... terrorizing children...and women like John Kerry...breaking historical and religious customs! Praise be to AhWah!!!
You getting all of this, General Wang?
WANG- Unfortunately, Sir.
(Hat-tip looong time to Pam for this piece)