Wednesday, March 26, 2008

JIHADGENE'S SECRET/HILLARY SAVES THE DAY IN BOSNIA by Kimmy & General Wang in Norf Korea

Meanwhile somewhere just north of the 38th Parallel (DMZ) in peaceful rocket-launching, peasant-starving, Great-Reader-loving, North Korea, we find the DPRK's
Great Reader, KIM Jong IL back on the World Why Web again...

KIM- Wooooooooooooo! General Wang! Come quick-wee!

WANG- Here your most Hi-Tech One!

KIM- LOOK!

WANG- What is it Sir?

KIM-I'm GROOGLE JihadGene and got dirt on his stanky koon-dingie (Korea talk for butt)!

WANG- Yes indeed you have, most Googlie-Eyed One.

KIM- That's Groogly-Eyed!

WANG- Yes, of course, Great Reader.

KIM- Sees here? Says here JihadGene called his elder Sister a JACKASS way brack in 1960...And it fur-der states that JihadGene got his stupid mouf washed out (by Sister) with Ivory bar of soap for it!
Hmmmmm...this good stuff.

WANG- So? What is so great about that, Great One?

KIM- So's what is so great about that?! This is good Intel! I'm can use it agrainst JihadGene to torture him with and hold over his head for all his adult-wife (life) should him ever double-kloss Great Reader, when channeling me.

WANG- Really, Sir?

KIM- HELL YES, WHEELIE -SIR!!! Look.... Says here JihadGene was so dramatized, after the mouse-washing (mouth washing) that he shudders at the very sight of a bar of soap! Him no can go down soapy aisle of local Piggree-Wiggree without breaking out in a bold-sweat!

WANG- But. How. Sir. Can we use this when we are here in Most Glorious Arm-Pit of the World (NORKO) and JihadGene is in beautiful (booty full) California (Koweefornia)?

KIM- Tree words.

WANG- Three words, Sir?

KIM- Read my whips....IN...TOE...NET.

WANG- Internet, Sir?

KIM- Glawd Damn! No wunder you ownree be a 7 Star General in Glorious Starving People's Army. I'm haves to ex-prain everything to you. Okray...so listen up...
You wistening?

WANG- Yes Sir. I'm listening.

KIM- Now hears the deal...him scared of bad talk in front of elder Sister..co-wreck?

WANG-Correct Sir.

KIM- Now what say if KIM Jong Sumbody has E-male addwess of said Elder Sister of JihadGene and nose for a fact that JihadGene does not want her to nose of this BROGG!

WANG- Of blogsite called Great Reader, Great Reader?

KIM- You on it like vomit! So's this Great Anonymuss Reader, let's say, just happens to E-male her and tell her to go to little brudder's brog where him bee posting bad talk.

WANG- I don't know Sir. She's in her 60's and little jihad brother (Gene) is in his 50's. She wouldn't would she?

KIM- She be a womans, General Wang.

WANG- Oh Hell! She would, Sir!

KIM- Eggsackly! And thanks for bad word! I'm E-males her now and we do a test-run of my theory! Now you says bad words and tell big lies, General Wang! I nose women! Tell bold faced lies and say bad talk. JihadGene will suffer for this!

WANG- I'll do my best Sir! Here goes... Well our plane had to do a cork-screw type landing in Bosnia
and then we were rushed from the plane away to a safe building so as to avoid all the sniper fire when ....

KIM- Yes...YES! Go on with the BIG LIE....and say bad words!!!!...

WANG- When...when... when that chicken-shit-prick named SinBad apparently CRAPPED his pants ...turned into a Mr. Puddin-Panties and went F*CKIN blind!

KIM- Go on! You're on a LOL (ROLL)...

WANG- Oh F*CK...let me catch my breath.

KIM- BEAUTIFUL!!! Keep it up!

WANG- Well those military types... all-F*CKIN-around me...didn't know what to do and they freeked when the snipers began poppin-caps at our ASSES, which were out in the open. It was one big CLUSTER-F*CK, I tell ya! Then the enemy, disguised as T.S.A., came running at us with lit fuses and bombs in their shoes. My "usual positive view" of the US Army changed that day.What a bunch of PUSSY'S! THEY F*CKIN THREW DOWN THEIR WEAPONS AND RAN!! THOSE C*CK-SUCKERS RAN!!!

KIM- Yes! YES!!! What did you do?

WANG- Well, I was the FIRST LADY back then, but still, just an average-everyday work-a-day Mom and proud American...so...I picked up a machinegun . The weapon was jammed, but using a bobby-pin, and after completely ruining a macure, I cleared the weapon, an M-2, .50 cal. heavy machinegun, then I began firing it from myslender waistline . I quickly suppressed the sniper fire, killing 16 of those dumb-f*cks. Well, then I figured I'd better call Chelsea, and tell her Mummy loves her, and that Mummy might be delayed a bit whilst I similtaneously mowed down the human waves of fake TSA suicide shoe-bombers. All of which during I gave life-saving CPR to that HORN-DAWG SINBAD! The F*CKER was F*UCKIN faking it! He! FRENCHED! Me!..... Ewwwwwwwww...

KIM- Now we only need that key word for JihadGene's Sister to see. Go on General Wang what does HILL-REE CLINTON think of BILL?

WANG- He's a JACKASS I tell ya!
A.BIG. F*CKIN.JACK.ASS!
....
How was that Great Reader?

KIM- Very good. Now go get me some Johnny-WOKER Brack and for Buddah's sake, don't floorget the ice!

WANG- (mumbling... jackass)

KIM- You say something, Wang?

WANG- Johnny with ice! Coming right up.

KIM- Good (fruckin Jackass General).

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

JACK-ASS!

JihadGene said...

Yikes!

I think my Big Sister caught me, again. Oh, JACKASS my ASS!
JihadGene

Ruv Yoo Loong Time! JihadGene, You do me right or suffer dire consee-quenches!
Great Reader,
KIM Jong IL

Erica said...

Meanwhile, on Dirty Turd & Turd Parallel, somewhere east of the Hudson River, we find Great Wiseass
Jooette, Delicrate Gentow Frower Ericklaw, reading brogg post about Great Reader, who chalk brad about sister.

Call her assroll, and all Great Reader had was his mouf rawshed out wiff Ivory bar of sloap? No, no...dat calls for LifeBuoy, or least Car Brollic soap.

Bad Great Reader! Bad!

JihadGene said...

ERICKLAW- No call Big Sis Assroll I'm call her's (ssshh..quietly..jacks-ass)!

True story, I'm swear Buddah, and everything!

KJI & JG
RYLT!!!

JihadGene said...

Ericklaw-
Call her assroll, and all Great Reader had was his mouf rawshed out wiff Ivory bar of sloap? No, no...dat calls for LifeBuoy, or least Car Brollic soap.

KIM Jong IL- BWAHAHAhahaha!!!
Yoo must have bean a Korweean in a pleevious life!
That or a JACKS-ASS!

Ruv Yoo Looong Time!
Great Reader, KIM Jong IL

Anonymous said...

Lava Soap is much better. Gets paint off fingers AND bad words off tongue. (Your sister was a soft touch, DR!)

Deltabravo

Anonymous said...

Oops... not DR. GR. DR gone loooong time.

JihadGene said...

Dellah Blavo,
I Ruv Yoo Looong Time!
You glow Gurl!

Rava soap?...EWWwwwwwwww...

Great Reader, KIM Jong Il

Carol said...

Aha! You thought I wouldn't catch you swearing again! I had forgotten the "jackass" part. Now I remember:
You called me a jackass.
I said, "I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap."
You said, "I don't give a hell."
So I brushed your teeth with Ivory.

But did you learn? No, of course not.

The next time you visit me at the home, I'm going to climb up a step ladder and brush your teeth with Dove soap. (I've changed brands because I like their ads with the non-anorexic models.)

When you channel that ill North Korean, your breath probably smells like kimchee (spelling?) anyway, so a nice cleansing probably would be appreciated by all.

Pretty much love you anyway,
Eldest Sister
Carol

JihadGene said...

Carol,

How I've missed you! It reminds me of a warm and fuzzy Christmas with all the Jihad family joyously gathered together, serving the homeless at the local Soup Kitchen, preaching the Good News, and saving "those without souls". Ah, we even served second helpings! Oh such joy!
Now, about this cursing and such! Carol... you know how these hacker's are, taking control over one's computer. Looks like a clear case of it. Or perhaps... my 12 year old son (your nephew), you know how they can be at times. Why, I'll bet the little Dickins has the password for NetNanny! I bet he surfs all over the web trying to destroy the innocent, who, like me, are so diligently hard at work. You know how very hard I work, Carol. Let's face it, I have no time for such shenanigans and I possess no sense of humor, what-so-ever. Remember, I'm a Baptist!
Sister dear, just ask my Pastor (who I teach bible studies with some six days a week). My moral compass points straight to Heaven! Then again, I have seen this "Evil Easter-Bunny Video" in Sunday School class, and perhaps it was that horrid rabbit. The Devil roams the earth like a buuny seeking to devour all it can! You know how those rabbits can be...don't you, Carol? So nice of you to contact me. Peace be with you and your wonderful husband who is housed in San Quentin for the remainder of his days. Has Bill notified the Warden of the provisions needed for his last meal? The timing is just so sad. I mean, what with the execution being on Father's Day and all, and your dear-sweet daughter, Debbie, why she won't parole until December of 2012.
Well, I have to go now. My Scouts are waiting for their Scout-Master. Toodles!

So here's to you Sis-
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO...
and some more...XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Your loving little-brother,
JihadGene

JihadGene said...

I wonder if my JACKASS-Elder-Sister bought any of that crap?