Monday, March 24, 2008

IT'S THREE A.M. AND KIM JONG IL'S PHONE RINGS by JihadGene

Meanwhile somewhere in "The Land of the Morning Missile Launch" we find Great Reader in a deep sleep....it is 0300HRS AM and the phone "blings" (it's a Korean phone so it blings...no rings, okray?)....


(PHONE)....BLING-BLING! BLING-BLING!

KIM- General WANG! Answer the flucking phone, for Kwyst (Christ) sake!

WANG- Here your most Sleepy One! It's some "more-than-middle-aged" female on the line.

KIM- Yes, I'm been expecting this call!....
Great Reader here!

CALLER-Blah-blah-blah.

KIM- Yes, I'm was thinking yoo's would call. But furst, is dis a secure line? I'm mean... what wiff
Plate-ree-ot Act and all...we must be as discreet as a gay hotline 900 number caller to a Mr John Smith Ahmadinejad, in Tehran! I'm no want Water-Boarder Patrol or "The Stupid Asses" (TSA) bustin our chops!

CALLER- Blah-blah-blah. I own them. Blah-blah-blah.

KIM-George DoubleWoo Bloosh is buzy doin what?

CALLER- Blah-blah-blah.

KIM- BWAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

WANG- What, Great Reader? George W. Bush, is doing what?!

KIM- Him dancing on WhiteHouse steps while him patient-ree waiting for arrival of
Senator John McLame!

KIM & WANG- BWAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!!

CALLER- Blah-blah-blah.

KIM- Yes, the worm has certin-wee turned!

CALLER- So.... Blah-blah-blah?

KIM- Suicide no good. You use beefour, looks sub-spicious !

CALLER- How about blah-blah-blah?

KIM-Him cums up missing...Okray, I'm good wiff that.

CALLER- What do I...blah-blah-blah?

KIM- You need a good chains-saw, first off! I'd get a "STIHL", as all the "Sears Craftsman" chains-saws SUCK! Where's was I......oh yeah...then necks yoo need a 100 litre, empty heavy-duty prasstick barrel, weecyclable (of clourse), and letz see...him a kinda chunky victim/former supporter... sporting a stupid ass goat-tee...so...maybee ownly you kneeds 50 litres of a good "all purpose body-eating acid".

CALLER- How about blah-blah-blah?

KIM- Yeah... "Diet Coke" will work fine.

CALLER- Thanks ever so blah-blah-blah!

KIM- Por nada. Say hi to Bill for me.

CALLER- He's blah-blah-blah.

KIM- Oh, him working late in the office again...I see.
(stupid britch)
Well grood night and adios mi amiga!

CALLER- Blah-blah-blah. Buh-bye, Great Reader!

(KIM hangs up phone)

KIM- Man, that dude's days are numbered, General Wang. Ya knows, I may just have a shot at becrumming the Governor of Nuevo Mexico!

WANG- Cool! What is the name of the capitol city of New Mexico, Great One?

KIM- I'm pretty sures it's either Taco Bell or Speedy Gonzalez.

WANG- I'm outta here.

7 comments:

GUYK said...

BAWAHAHAHAHAHA

Great Stuff!

Erica said...

You should publish an entire book of this stuff...Plate-ree-ot Act...John McLame...I love it!

joated said...

I am speechless. Amazing stuff.

steveegg said...

Damn, but this is some good stuff. Glad to see you on the creating end of the blogosphere.

Teresa said...

"...prasstick barrel, weecyclable (of clourse)"

ROFLMAO. I love it.

Editor said...

great stuff
another great blogger hits the ground running

Mommynator said...

I mentioned this on blackfive.

I'll have you know, Mr. JihadGene, that I almost choked to death on my lunch. I'm thankful I work in a hospital where so many people know the Heimlich maneuver.

Good luck and keep up the good work!