Great Reader

It's Sunday! Let's Pray!

2012-01-22T08:36:00.000-08:00

Our Father in Heaven, before we go into battle, every football fan among us will approach you each in his own way. Our enemies too, according to their own understanding, will ask for protection and for victory. And so, we bow before your infinite wisdom. We offer our prayers as best we can. I pray you watch over the SF 49ers as I cheer them into battle. You use me as your instrument in this awful hell of the NFL to watch over them. Especially if they're men like this one (my son) beside me, deserving of a future in your blessing and goodwill. Amen....Oh yeah! And one more thing, Lord...don't even listen to...or otherwise pay attention to...those heathen bastards from New York. One more question,Lord...if it's alright? Was Tim Tebow a Mormon or Jehovah's Witness or something? Amen. ;)

* On the important side of life*... please keep our wonderful US Armed Forces folks and their families in your prayers. Give thanks. Pick up someone who's down and have a wonderful day! JG;)

US Navy F-18 Attempts Landing on Congressman

2012-01-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

BREAKING NORTH KOREAN NEWS! Another sign that we need water in California's Central Valley... An F-18 attempted to land on top of Congressman Jim CO$TA today. It seems the N.A.S. Lemoore based pilot mistook Congressman Jim Costa's big, fat, and slow moving ass on water...for an aircraft carrier.

It's Friday! Let's Dance Nautical Style!

2012-01-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

Are ya ready, kids?

Aye Aye, Captain!
I can't hear you!
Aye Aye, Captain!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Who lives in a lifeboat under snuggies?
Carnival Cruise Captain!
Italian and yellow and pompous is he.
Carnival Cruise Captain!
If hittin' the bottom be somethin' you wish.

Carnival Cruise Captain!
Then call the ship's chef, I'll order the fish!
Carnival Cruise Captain!
Ready? Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Italian Sea Captain!
Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh!

Breaking North Korean News

2012-01-19T08:31:00.000-08:00

And this story just breaking...Maryanne Gingrich, the 2nd ex-concubine of presidential candidate, Newt Ginseng...said today that the unidentified woman on the bridge of the doomed Carnival Cruise ship, 2 Close to Coast, was none other than "That tramp, Callista Gingrich!"
We now return to our normal programming. Thank you, LOOONG time!!!

New Title for KIM Jong Un

2011-12-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

The North Korean Generals have changed KIM Jong Un's title, yet again. Click here. So...okay, now instead of "Great Suxccessor" KIM Jong Un is now called something else. Therefore...when President Obama comes to bow down and kiss KIM Jong Un's hand...or... "other" body parts...he should refer to him as the "SuperMe Reader". That is all.

Jed Clampett Attends Funeral of Great Reader KIM Jong IL

2011-12-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

North Korea's Great Suxccessor, KIM Jong Un loves the Beverly Hillbillies LOOONG time!!! And...in a final farewell salute to his father the Great Reader, KIM Jong IL...had him delivered to the gravesite in "Hillbilly Style". We now resume our normal programming.

KIM Jong IL's Body Ready for Funeral

2011-12-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

The Great Suxccessor, KIM Jong Un, son of Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, gives special thanks to the Pyongyang Taxidermy & Make Up Plant#7 for the bang-up job they did on his Father! See photo. Word has it that the Great Suxccessor will have the Hip-Hop Group, "LMF(DPRK)AO" perform their hit single, "I'm Sexy and I'm Nose it"... LOOONG Time!!! That is all. JG ;)

The Final Moments of KIM Jong IL

2011-12-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile...in a land far away...only hours ago...Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL's last moments on planet Earf are spent with his aide de camp, 7 star General Wang. Let's listen in...

WANG: Great Reader, Sir! Before you go...there is something the North Korean people must know!

KIM: I'm goner LOOONG time, General Wang!!! I'm nose it. I'm fading fast but I'm try to hangs in there for one last question befloor I'm kicks eternal bucket. What is question?

WANG: What title shall we give KIM Jong Un when he takes over, Sir?

KIM: WTF?! My son, KIM Jong Un takes charge???!!! Oh GREAT!!! That SUCKS!!! Frickin MESS!!! My life is OVER!!!

(KIM expires)

(General Wang dutifully writes in notebook, "Great Successor")

Author's note- And now you nose, the rest of the story. JG;)

Message to America from KIM Jong Un

2011-12-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

"Lady GaGa must sings at mine father's funeral on December 28th, 2011...or else." -Fresh Prince of Hot Air (DPRK), KIM Jong Un

KIM Jong IL Dead LOOONG Time

2011-12-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

KIM Jong UN to General Wang upon hearing the news of his Father's death:

"You wooden be boo-shittin' me would you???!!!"

According to the North Korean news Dear Leader KIM Jong IL is dead. He died from "overwork". Keeping that in mind, my lovely wife just informed me that I will "obviously " live to a ripe old age!

It's Friday Let's Dance and Shop!!!

2011-12-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

My sisters are getting the same present this year! My Elder Sister Carol has already received her gift and my nephew has learned to feed it dust bunnies! So my little sister gets one too! I've incorporated their Christmas gift hints into this rewritten song, and along with it, the pains of Christmas expenses on a Norf Korean budget. I expect this to be an Amazon classic some day...as I've ordered their gifts from Amazon. As always, let's keep our brave US Armed Forces in our prayers along with their families LOOONG time!!! It's Friday! Let's sing and dance to this version of "Rawhide" rewritten by yours truly, JihadGene!

Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum

Vacuum Vacuum Vacuum...ROOMBA!

I keep spendin' spendin' spendin'

Like my credit card was stolen

I'm afraid the wife is gonna have my hide!

Through pain and words and weather...

...hell, just whatever...

I hope that this Christmas...

She'll let me slide

All the things I'm a missin'

Common sense and her good kissin'

are waiting at the end of my (PayPal) ride

Move it on. Finish up. Gotta go! Don't cha know? My hide!

Move 'em out....gotta go...UPS don't ya know?

No one likes American Express...that blows!

It's Friday Let's Dance and Deploy

2011-12-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

Today's Let's Dance is dedicated to #1) My lovely wife and #2) to our deployed troops. Man, if ever there was a homesick GI love song to his very special girl...this is it.! My wife (The Lovely Kim) has deployed to South Korea for our niece's wedding. A quick one week visit and then back to work. It's a Christmas present she has earned LOOONG time!!! My little dog's (Trouble's) knee is much better but...just the same... I'm gonna pick him up...and gently dance with him, to this beautiful song. God bless all of our troops and their families! Keep them all in your prayers and have a wonderful weekend people! I think I'm KIM Jong IL and I approve of this message LOOONG time!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!! Dog Gone It!!!

2011-12-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

Got dogs? We do. They are a part of our family. My flying Shit-zoo (I know it's spelled differently), named "Trouble" is getting old, like me, and has blown out a knee. He has been on pain meds since Monday and dog-gone if he isn't doing much better and now may not need surgery, since he is a rather small dog. I sure hope so! Well, all of you critter people out there... and military dog handler types....pick up a pooch and dance because...after all...it is Friday! God bless all our US Armed Forces and their families very LOOONG time and remember "Toys for Tots" while you're out Christmas shopping this weekend!!!

Black Friday

2011-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile....overheard at a Walmart on Black Friday...

"Smell that?....Do you smell that???!!! I love the smell of pepper spray in the morning!"

(Why I shop online) JG ;)

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T18:52:00.001-08:00

God has been so good to us...back here... at home. Lord, we thank you and pray that you continue to watch over our deployed troops, and the loved ones they had to leave behind, in order to serve our country. In Jesus name we pray this and thank you, Lord. Everyday. We thank you for these fine families. We can't thank you enough. -JG & Family 2011

A$$ Chewings

2011-11-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

In past times, as a US Army Squad Leader (Sgt E-5), though never a Drill Sergeant, I issued ass chewings like one. LOUD ones! I do that to my teenage son as well, at times. In both cases, I cared about how they preformed. I loved my soldiers. And my son? Even more! I pray for him. ALWAYS! He needs to know this because...as a teen... he acts like I did...like he didn't hear it...or understand it...that is...the "WHYS" as to "WHY", I be issuing some righteous ASS CHEWINGS!...ones that a Drill Sergeant would be proud of! I did this same stuff to my Dad. Brushing him off as best I could. I know my son loves me, I just wish he wasn't so much like I was, at times. Thanks for hearing what was on my heart. JG

It's Veterans Day! Let's Dance!

2011-11-11T08:31:00.000-08:00

It's Veterans Day! If I had to remind you of this...then kindly remind me to kick you, dead-square, in your back azimuth. I served with many Vietnam Veterans and once in a great while, I heard of their pain. Thank all veterans. Some really need that. ALL are deserving. God bless all our troops past and present!

Happy Birthday United States Marine Corps!

2011-11-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to the United States Marine Corps! Here's my favorite Marine, my Dad, with my Mom. Semper Fi to all our US Marines and their families LOOONG time!!!

English Lessons

2011-11-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know...my Korean nephew, Jae has been visiting with us since early September. I have been working with him on English (American Style) and he is a good student. His comprehension has vastly improved in only 8 weeks, thanks to my intensive training program! Thanks to me, he's learned how to catch a nice trout at 7,650 ft elevation while asleep on a rock! He has learned the joys of an In-n-Out burger Double Double and knows what "Animal Style" is all about! He knows how to use the word "bullshit" like a pro! Hell, it was only the other day that he told me that my BULLSHIT was BULLSHIT. Totally AWESOME! He sounded like a Raiders fan LOOONG time!!! And that's no BULLSHIT! This long visit of his has really turned into an exchange program of sorts. He has taught my lovely wife and I much about the iPhone4...texting...apps...and pretty much about life... as seen through his 25 year old eyes. Like our teenaged son, Jae is a fun kid (I'm so old, I can call him that!) who has been drafted and done his time, 2 years of active duty humping a radio, in the South Korean "ROK" Army. Jae is with us now until December, when he will return home, then resume college in February. I will miss him mightily and wish him all the best. But...as the clock winds down and he's getting closer to that plane ride home... I'm beginning to worry. You see...I, as in "ME, MYSELF, and I"... have tutored him in American English according to MY conversational skills and idiotic idiot-syncrasies/cursing-quirks. Have you seen the Clint Eastwood movie "Gran Torino"? If so, you'll remember the barbershop conversations and understand. It's been pretty much like that, ya see. Let me give you a typical JihadGene English 101 Conversational Class that happened in our Mom-n-Pop clothing store, not more than 2 days ago:

GENE- Jae, you got a big-ass head, son!

JAE- I have a big head because I have a big brain, Uncle Gene.

GENE- So... you're saying you're very smart, are you?!

JAE- Yes , Uncle Gene. That's what I'm saying.

GENE- So? Well, so what?!...I've got a big ass! Does that make me some kind of a smart ass? (me chuckling to myself)

JAE- Well, Uncle Gene...judging by it's size, I would think you were Einstein. (expressionless)

GENE- OMG! I've created a monster!

It's Don't Fake it Friday! Let's Dance!

2011-11-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today is "National Don't Fake it Day" ??? Well, I don't claim to be "The Godfather"...or more appropriately..."The Cannon Fodder" of RUV for nothing... but... after all this time, all these years, with my lovely wife, love is not faked. No way. There is a "horny of copia" aplenty out there...but love, when genuine, is beautiful! My wife taught me this. And for this, I am ever amazed and forever grateful! For all she is... and for all she does, I give heartfelt thanks. It's Friday folks, let's dance slow with the one you love, or...with a picture of the one you love. God bless all of our troops and their families a very looong time. It's Friday, let's dance. Let's dance slow. JG ;)

Too Old for Halloween

2011-11-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Damn, I'm old! I dressed up for Halloween as President Obama but everyone thought I was Redd Foxx. JG;)

Halloween with the Obamas

2011-10-31T12:29:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, back at the White House...

OBAMA: Say Dear, what are we handing out to the kids for Halloween?

MICHELLE: I found some expired yogurt drinks in the Lincoln bedroom.

OBAMA: That'll work! We got any left over candy-corn from last year?

MICHELLE: I don't think so. Honey, call the press. I'll go to Target!

It's Friday! Let's Dance with the Indians!

2011-10-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well, not only is it Friday, but soon it will be Halloween! Monday, I will put on my Elvis glasses, comb my hair into a pompadour, put on an olive drab suit, some blue suede platform shoes...and I will be Great Reader KIM Jong IL, Dicktater of Norf Korea! Awww...hell, who am I kidding? I dress like that all the time. So this Halloween, what with the economy and all, you can make it simple. Just wear a black mask and you can be anyone you want to be! Please have a wonderful weekend and remember our troops, and their families in your prayers! As we say in North India, "Jaan Pehechaan Ho, LOOONG time!!!"

It Takes 2 Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-10-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well, not only is it a Friday but tomorrow is our wedding anniversary! There's no one I'd rather be in RUV with LOOONG time!!! Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of you involved with the US Armed Forces who are missing someone due to deployment. Duty. Honor. Country...and devotion to your spouse. God bless you all a very LOOONG time!!! Have a great weekend, from JG and the lovely Kim! It takes two!

US Army Recruiter Catches Purse Snatcher

2011-10-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry this happened in my own home town, but I am so very glad LOOONG time that we have US Army Staff Sergeant (E-6) Jason Pruitt here in Hanford, California on recruiting duty! It seems some bone-headed pudgy 18 year old decided he would snatch a ladies purse. The lady yelled for help as the suspect/shithead was grabbing it. Fortunately SSG Pruitt heard her plea and chased the teenager/dirtbag, who was heading past the recruiter's office. SSG Pruitt subdued the criminal and held him for police who took the would-be purse snatcher to jail. I love stories with a happy ending! Especially ones with real heroes! An old recruiting slogan in the 1980's was "There's something about a soldier". Yes there is! And it's something very good! Hanford Sentinel newspaper story HERE.

One of Two Possibilities

2011-10-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

Either the Big Fresno (County) Fair has opened or my Congressman is back in town!

It's Friday! Let's Dance with The Knight Caps

2011-10-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

Friday....again??? Already???!!! Oh yes-yes-YES!!! My friend, Kanani Fong...over at The Kitchen Dispatch, indirectly reminded me of this song! She got a job as a TEMP! Well...since her HUB's is Army...what better way than to salute and dance to our troops and their families than to have the 2011 West Point "Knight Caps" do our dance tune LOOONG time!!! God bless our US Armed Forces and their families. Keep 'em in your prayers! Funny how prayer works....when I pray good for others it usually comes right back at me. Good begets good...truly! Have a great weekend LOOONG time!!! JG ;)

It's a Napoleon Dynamite Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-10-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

Friday? ALREADY?! Where does the time fly LOOONG time??? Lately, I'm hooked on me some Napoleon Dynamite. So, all of you Kip Dynamite's and Lafawnda's out there...let's do it...let's dance with "Mohammed Dynamite" because it's a Friday! As ALWAYS, make sure that you keep our most awesome US ARMED FORCES and their FAMILIES in your prayers very LOOONG time!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Great Reader KIM Jong IL!!!

2011-09-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

OMK (oh my kimchi)....it's Friday already???!!! Since my nephew, Jae, is a R.O.K. Army Veteran, visiting with us, I chose the popular South Korean girls group called "Generation In" to sing their hit song "GEE" for all you Norf Koreans and KIM Jong IL's out there! While we're dancing don't forget to keep our wonderful US Armed Forces and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Have a great weekend everybody...and... because it's a Friday...LET'S DANCE!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Great Reader KIM Jong IL!!!

2011-09-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

Caltech Girl sent me today's "Let's Dance" video via faceliftedbook! So get up off of your rice-eating money-makers and dance with sexy DPRK sword weilding girls and Norf Korea's KIM Jong IL...because it's Friday people!! As always, keep our awesome US Forces and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Have a wonderful weekend!

KIM Jong IL Interprets Dream

2011-09-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL conversing with a troubled General Wang.

KIM: General Wang...what's-a-matta for you?! Why you looks so troubled?

WANG: Sir, I keep having dreams of tornadoes! Over and over again! Horrible howling winds! I can't get a decent nights sleep, Great One. I wish I could have my tornado dreams interpreted so I could understand what's going on with me.

KIM: I can do easy, General Wang.

WANG: You can interpret my tornado dreams, Great Reader?!

KIM: Sure ting! In fack your dream is very common LOOONG time!!!

WANG: Really??? So what's it all mean?

KIM: It cans means own-ree one of two tings, General Wang!

WANG: And that is???...

KIM: Well...

Numba 1: Your wife needs to change bag in her Hoovers "Wind Tunnel" vacuums cleaner

...or that...

Numba 2: You have been watching way too many Obama "Jobs Bill" speeches!

KIM & WANG: BWAHAHAHAAAhaaahaaa!!!

WANG: I feel better already, Great Reader!

KIM: Laughter is best medicine LOOONG time, General Wang.

(fin)

Remembered

2011-09-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Some stuff I wish I could forget... but know I can't...nor should I. God bless all of our troops and friends in the continued War on Terror. Sorry if I offended any democrats out there by saying "WAR ON TERROR". Fly the flag. Pray for the families of our heros lost on 9-11-01, our troops on active duty, and their loved ones. God bless America.

No Hurricane In Central California

2011-08-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hope all you folks on the east coast are safe and doing well. It's a Saturday morning here in Central California, somewhere north of the DMZ of Bakersfield. Right now my teenager is probably praying. Praying for hurricane Irene to make landfall in the Fresno area. That way he won't have to mow the lawn. But he's dealing with a Dad! A Dad who was trained by the best! My trainer (and Dad) was a WWII Marine. So... "come hell or high water" (hurricanes too) ...the lawn will be mowed! I'm a Dad. It's what we Dad's do. I also tend to go KIM Jong IL when shit doesn't get done. Have a great weekend LOOONG time and keep all our troops and their families in your prayers!!! JG ;)

Al Sharpton's Teleprompter Troubles

2011-08-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

My question for Reverend Al can only be...WTM???!!! (WHAT THE MUCH?)

KIM Jong IL Reviews You Tube Vido

2011-08-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile...somewhere north of South Korea's DMZ we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL wasting time, watching crap on You Tube.

KIM: Oh that's a good one LOOONG time!!! General Wang! Come here!

WANG: Yes, Great Reader Sir!?

KIM: Take looks at this Tube of You video, of funny Aflac-can American!

(together WANG and KIM view video)

WANG: Say Great Reader, that's really funny! He should do one about the US Government! Say, like..."Jones' Big Ass Government & 401K Stock Market Academy".

KIM: BWAHAhahahahahahaha!!! Good ones, General Wang but a brother from Hawaii already beat him to it!

KIM & WANG: ROR LOOONG TIME!!! (Raff Out Roud)

(Big hat Tip to BlackFive's Matt Burden for this Video and inspiration!!!)

KIM Jong IL Says Happy Birthday Mr President

2011-08-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of South Korea's 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL hearing the latest news about the New York stock exchange from 7 star General Wang of The People's Gloriously Starving Army.

KIM- Stock market going bellies up, LOOONG time!!! Read that to me again, General Wang...whats Obama, said.

WANG- He said...

"The stock market is crashing and right after I fixed our budget woes! This is bad news for our young people on welfare...those who need a nest-egg for their unemployed futures! And just as I was planning on making stock ownership a right! Those damn terrorist Republicans are wee-weeing up my birthday bash!"

KIM- ROR!!!

It's Friday! Don't be a Dick! Let's Dance!!!

2011-06-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

It's Friday? Already?! Cool! With gas prices so high, I've been thinking of getting a "bike" again. My wife, the lovely Kim, thinks I should get a bicycle. Oh well, with all these things on my mind, plus all the "junk" on Twitter, it's only natural I would pick this song for today's dance tune. Fittingly it includes Pee Wee Herman. Please keep our troops and their families in your prayers LOOONG time!!! Come on people! It's Friday! Let's dance!!!

"I am not a crook or A. Weiner. I'm a Dick." -Richard Nixon

Greetings from A Weiner

2011-06-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

I sincerely hope you are all having a great day! I would say more but I have a very busy day planned and I must Tweet some junk.

It's Friday! Don't be a Weiner! Let's Dance!!!

2011-06-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's Friday, folks!!! So don't be a weiner because it's time to stop tweeting your favorite Democrat Congressman from New York and dance with our brave "members" of the armed forces "LOOONG" time!!! I won't ask how your week was...so please don't tell! Have a wonderful weekend and keep those flags a flying, the packages coming, and prayers a sending, to and for, the greatest folks in the world...our US Armed Forces! God bless all our troops and their families LOOONG time!!! It's Friday! Let's dance!!!

JihadGene on Women In and Out of Uniform

2011-05-31T09:37:00.000-07:00

Last week I saw some e-chatter on the Whirl Why Web with some biker-patriot-guy-vet who was pissing and moaning about this year's local Memorial Day wreath laying ceremony, for it's being dedicated to women in uniform. What he had to say was not nice and that, because of this, he said he would not attend. Well? To him, we can sing an Old Army Hymn...
THE OLD ARMY HYMN
Him....
Him
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUK HIM!!! (long time)
Let's see..it was back in 1985 that I was a Military Police squad leader in what was then W. Germany, with a squad consisting of 8 females and 7 males. Yeah, they kept me busy...but some of those gals had more heart and bigger balls than some of the men. And out-shoot 'em too!
Well, no shit. So anyways I want to play ya'll a little song. A song called "Mama was a Working Man".
This song I dedicate to all the women in uniform and the wives who have to "hold down the fort" while their hubby is deployed. God bless you ladies, a very LOOONG time!!!

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

My Blog friend Joated posted this on Facebook:

"There is discipline in a soldier, you can see it when they walk. There is pride in a soldier, you can hear it when they talk. There is courage in a soldier you can see it in their eyes. There is loyalty in a soldier, they will never compromise. A soldier isn't a title that any one can be, these special people are chosen to protect you and me."

How very true! Occasionally we have a "service member" enter our Mom & Pop clothing store and in about a minute or less, I will ask them, "Are you in the military?". They react rather surprised and ask me, "How did you know?". I just smile and look at them, as a little light bulb goes off in their head. Then they say, "You were in the military too! Weren't ya?" I shake my head yes. We share a knowing smile.

God bless all of our US Armed Forces and their families a very LOOONG time!!! Now get out there and enjoy your freedom but be sure to honor those who earned it for you and I. HOOAH!!!

This post is dedicated to the fun West German memories of my assistant squad leader, SGT Virgil L. "Bert" Robertson Jr, 101st MP Company, 101st Airborne (Air Assault) who died in an air crash along with 247 other 101st Abn Division soldiers at Gander, Newfoundland 12 Dec 1985. FIDO, Bert!!!

Osama Bin Laden Porn Revealed

2011-05-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

WARNING: IF YOU ARE A LADY GA GA FAN, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO!

Friday the 13th My A$$ Let's Dance!!!

2011-05-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Okay you maggoty infested Americans, listen up!!! I am Great Reader KIM Jong IL and I am plissed-off LOOONG time at BLOGGER for their Friday the 13th screw up! I've dlunk more coffee this morning...enuff to fill the entire Yahoo Liver (Yalu River) and the Chosin where it's frozen! Be warned: THIS VIDEO HAS BAD SOLDIER TALK AND IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR JEHOVAH's WITNESSES!!! I'm feeling more bombed than Moammar Gadhafi right now. See this video and wait for the song at the end to dance. Learn to make coffee in Afghanisland and remember that KIM Jong IL RUVS you, our US Troops, and their families... a very LOOONG time!!! KJI & JG ;)

Operation Geronimo the Sequel

2011-05-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere in the White House we find current CIA Director, Leon Panetta alerting President Obama of an upcoming and top secret Naval SEAL Team assault...

PANETTA: Mr President! He's at it again, Sir!

OBAMA: KIM Jong IL?

PANETTA: No. I only wish it was... it's Joe Biden, Sir!

OBAMA: He's awake?! What's he done now?

PANETTA: He's alerted Navy Seal Team 6 to standby for an immediate mission and has the USS Nimitz standing by for a funeral detail!!!

OBAMA: What the....???

PANETTA: He's calling it Operation Gary's Owed One, Sir!

OBAMA: Gary's owed one??? Say, isn't that that song George Armstrong Washington of the 777th Cavalry ordered played while slaughtering millions of innocent Cincinnati Red Skins fans, at the Battle of the Little Big Buldge, over in Texas?

PANETTA: No. You are thinking of Garry Owen, Sir.

OBAMA: Well, what is this Operation Gary's Owed One, anyway?

PANETTA: Sir, it's a plan to snatch the still unburied body of actor Gary Coleman, and give him a proper "Hollywood Style" midget-actor burial at sea.

OBAMA: Damn, I KNEW IT!!! I just knew it!

PANETTA: Knew what, Sir?

OBAMA: That I should have used the powers of my presidency to help out Michael Jackson.

(Fin)

Why Hillary is Gasping

2011-05-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

OBAMA: Listen up, Hillary. If anything goes wrong on this Bin Laden raid... I'm giving you full credit. Just like Libya. Got that?

HILLARY: Gasp!

BIDEN: Operation Geronimo, my ass! I need some Geritol and a nap.

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Mrs Bin Laden!!!

2011-05-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile in a Pakistan hospital, nursing a leg wound, we find Mrs Osama Bin Laden being interviewed by Al Jazerra...

REPORTER: So what are your plans now, Mrs Bin Laden?

MRS OBL: My plans? Well, what with not having to worry about things getting all blown up and shit, I guess... I could get some nice furniture...perhaps a new dress? Maybe even go out to a nightclub?!

Fin.

HELL of a week! Hope yours was a good one! It's a Friday, people... so get up off of your money-maker's and let's dance with Mrs Bin Laden!! God bless all of our troops and their families LOOONG time!!! USA! USA! USA!

Happy Cinco de Cerveza!

2011-05-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Cinco de Corona...or Cinco de Whatever!

A Song Request from Navy SEAL Team 6

2011-05-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hello there! This is KIM "Jong IL" Kasem with a song DEADication froms Navy SEAL Team #6 going out to a wounded Mrs Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan! The SEALS have requested that I'm playz a HIT number done by The Black Eyed Peas! So just for her and her late husband's followers we enjoy together (with Korean dancing gurls!) the song "BOOM-BOOM, Pow!"

Have a good day LOOONG time!!! ;) JG

Jihad, Motorcycles, Wives, and Seal Teams

2011-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

So last night, I told my lovely wife...my cute Norf Korean Minister of Finance...that I again wanted to buy a motorcycle. She thought for about a whole one half of one second then proceeded to remind me of my jaded motorcycling past. She recalled that I had committed jihad (code for crashed) on my old motorcycle in 2002, 2005....and yet again...only one week later, in 2005. I replied that I sure would like to have one...as I gave her my world famous "sweetest smile". :) She said nothing...but she gave me "the look". You know the look I'm talking about? Yes. That one. The look that tells you she is seriously considering giving NAVY SEAL TEAM#6 "the green light" to take your heathen motorcycle-wanting-ass out. Awww crap. My wife has the sweetest Korean face in the world, but being a Korean... stuff can go south or turn North Korean on you in a ramen minute. Ride safe!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-04-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I just ain't feeling it. Maybe it has something to do with all the bad weather everyone is experiencing...or just bad karma...or maybe because I am wishing I was HERE. Well, it is what it is... so regardless, keep those brave troops of ours and their families in your prayers and dance through life's minefields with a smile on your face! I need me a Sprite LOOONG time!!! It's no secret that Koreans ruv Sprite. Happy weekend everyone!

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Our Troops!!!

2011-04-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

It's a Friday and it's been a rough week, for some, for sure. This week I sent a wounded Marine a rubber chicken and some shirts. He is on my mind. Hold all our troops and their families up in prayer please. Make it a regular part of your life. God IS good! Happy Friday and Happy Easter and remember that God and Great Reader RUV you very LOOONG time, so put on a wonderful smile and dance...it's Friday!!!

KIM Jong IL I Had a Dream

2011-04-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the tunnels on the DMZ, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, afraid to go to sleep.

KIM: AWWW... WHOLEY HORSE KWAP!!! General Wang! Come here!

WANG: What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: I'm can'ts sleep! I'm keeps having these bad dweams.

WANG: Dreams? What kind of dreams, Great Reader?

KIM: Like I'm Joe Biden's wife and I'm haves to wake him up for work.

WANG: That's bad, Sir.

KIM: That's nuffing. Then I'm had dream I'm a pilot whose plane is going down in flames and Joe Biden is in the controls tower!

WANG: That's bad, alright.

KIM: Then I'm had this dream that I was Joe Biden and I was in Lost Vegas, trying to get into a Sleep Number Store. But then, all the beds were taken up by a bunch of drunks from the Air Traffic Controller's Convention.

WANG: Oh my!

KIM: Then I'm had this weird dream that I'm was not a Norf Korean at all... but, that I was from India.

(Kim looks in mirror sees big red circle in middle of forehead)

Oh mine Gawd!!! It's twoo! I'm Indian!

WANG: Relax, Sir. You are not Indian. I believe you feel asleep on you wrist watch and that left the mark on your face.

KIM: Call for me nurse, preeze.

WANG: Thorazine, Sir?

KIM: Yeah. Have her make it a double.

WANG: On the rocks, with a little umbrella?

KIM: Roger that.

Rest in Peace Tim Hetherington

2011-04-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

A sad situation. Movie director and photographer, Tim Hetherington, was killed while filming in Libya. Some blog friends of mine knew Mr Hetherington personally, from the movie "Restrepo", a documentary about a platoon of 173rd Airborne Brigade Sky Soldiers on a combat tour in Afghanistan. You should see the movie if you haven't. I know Mr Hetherington did great work and I heard he was a wonderful guy. Our prayers go out to all who loved him and to those whose lives he most certainly touched. News story HERE.

KIM Jong IL and a Game of Charades

2011-04-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the Samsung-Starvation Line (38th Parallel) we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL playing a game of charades with 7 star General Wang.

KIM: Oklay, General Wang...whom am I?.... ZZZzzz... (pretends to sleep)

WANG: You're a North American air traffic controller!

KIM: (opens one eye) You're getting warm... but look closely!

WANG: (stares at Kim's face) I see it! I see it! I see the drool!! You are Joe Biden!!!

KIM: Blingo!

Obama Fixes Air Traffic and Unemployment

2011-04-19T04:13:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile...somewhere north of Munsan, South Korea, we find Great Reader, KIM Jong IL once again in front of the television set.

KIM: Turn on the Shee-N-N news channel, General Wang. President Obamama is going to give speech!

WANG: Very good, Sir.

TV: My fellow Americans, as you all know...thanks to George W. Bush, these are tough times...both for the Federal Aviation Administration's air traffic controllers and our nation...due to the rate of high unemployment. It is because of these factors, that I have paired up with Air Traffic Control Czar, Joe Biden, in an effort to fix it. So...beginning tonight, I have instructed Joe to personally give on-the-job air traffic control training to former employees of the bankrupt Blockbuster Video stores! These are full-time, shovel-ready graveyard shift jobs, located in airport towers all across our less than great country. It's a win-win for the American people and makers of portable DVD players! Thank you, and now, I must go on a vacation.

KIM: (stands up, points to TV while trying to hold a straight face) That's a leader right there!!!

KIM & WANG: BWAHAHAHAhahahaaa!!!

KIM Jong IL Approves Obama Decision

2011-04-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL watching Shee-N-N breaking news on his Philco 19 inch, Super-Derux, brack and white, portable television set.

TV: Breaking news! Due to numerous concerns over airport personnel asleep on the job, President Obama has announced today that the newly formed position of Air Traffic Control Czar will be filled by Vice President Joe Biden...

KIM: BWAHAhahahahaaa!!!

TV: In other related news stories...air traffic controllers are requesting scheduled naps during work, based upon the "Biden Work Ethic". All calls to VP Joe Biden's office for comment were left unanswered.

KIM: ROR!!!

Why Joe Biden is Tired

2011-04-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

Why are you always so damned tired, Joe?

Hold on big guy! Before you unload on me, just hear me out. Ya see...what with the high cost of fuel and all...I have to supplement my vice presidential income somehow...so I took on another job.

Another job, Joe?! Really...what?

I work nights in Reno as an air traffic controller.

KIM Jong IL and Perfect Pairs

2011-04-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, firmly ensconced in his Lazy Homeboy Recliner watching President Obama's latest budget balancing speech on CNN.

KIM: What?! How dares him! Who would dares sleep during President Oblama's speech?! General Wang, come here!

WANG: Here, Great Reader! What's wrong, Sir?

KIM: (points at TV) Who in the bells of hell is that???!!!

WANG: Why...Sir, that is the USA's Vice President....Joe Biden.

KIM: Joe Buy-dung? Oh, that's right. He's that big foo-king deal, guy!

WANG: You got it, Sir!

KIM: Yes, I'm do! Say...Wang...who be that old chick that's asleep behind him?

WANG: (looking closely) I'm not sure on that one, Sir.

KIM: Hmmm...Must be a match he found on eHarmony!!!

(WANG & KIM RAFF OUT ROUD!!!)

Obama Shocks 'n Awes KIM Jong IL

2011-04-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile, somewhere way out west of the west coast and north of the South Koreans, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL reflecting on the latest news out of Washington DC...

KIM: General Wang, are you sure this is true?

WANG: It's been verified, Great Reader Sir!

KIM: So, let's me see if I'm halves this right.... Michelin Obamamama is showing her support for the troops families commencing on April 13th with the Military Families Initiative? Just days after her husbbsband, Baawack Whosenamed Obama, threatens not to pay the troops?! How can that be???!!!

WANG: There's really no explaining it, Sir. It is what it is.

KIM: Wang, hand me my Ytunes M3P player. I wants to listen to some A-Shee Dee-Shee.

WANG: AC/DC, Sir? What song?

KIM: "I've Got Big Balls", of course!

WANG: Of course, Sir.

Great Reader's Newest Fan Follower

2011-04-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

KIM Jong IL-Great Reader-JihadGene proudly welcomes a new blog follower! Her...or "IT's"...call sign/alias... is Hair style designer. What a frickin XXX rated gay joker looong time!!! How do you get a follower off your follower's list? Oh, and...have a great weekend everyone!!!

It's Friday Let's Pray

2011-04-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

There's been a heavy case of spiritual warfare going on out my way. How about you? I really had to push 'n pray through, this week...but I made it. Sometimes you've got to gut it out but you don't have to do it alone. Psalm 121 reminded me of that . Out here in Central California, it's been sad. We mourn the loss of two US naval aviators (pilot & weapons system officer) when their F-18F Super Hornet went down near NAS Lemoore on Wednesday. Our prayers go out to their shipmates, friends, and families. These Navy folks are a wonderful addition to our churches, schools, and nearby communities. We are thankful for them and all they bring. God bless all our troops and their families a very long, long time. Have a good weekend.

God, KIM Jong IL and Glenn Beck

2011-04-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere in a make-believer's little brown church, in Norf Korea, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL on his knees...

KIM: Deer Father in heaven... preeze hear my prayers. Floorgive me of mine sins and helps me out, here.

GOD: What's on your mind, you HEATHEN ?

KIM: JihadGene is a conservative who hates Glenn Beck. Won't Gene goes to hell for that looong time?!

GOD: No.

KIM: Tanks, Lord! Oh...ahhh...one mores question, Lord?

GOD: Fire away.

KIM: Am I'm going to hell, Lord?

GOD: Well, it depends.

KIM: Dee-plends, Lord?

GOD: Let me put it this way....how do you feel about watching the 700 Club co-hosted by Pat Robertson and Glenn Beck, for all eternity?

KIM: Crap!!!

GOD: I'm leaving now. You can get up off your knees.

KIM: I'm standing stwaight up, Lord.

GOD: My bad.

JihadGene works on Part 20!

2011-04-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

Friends: Even though I haven't written a "Love American vs Korean Style" since 2009, in the next week or two, I will continue to write about the RUV of my life (my wife, AKA: The lovely Kim) and our travels through the international web of love and marriage. It was rather funny but not exactly easy. Installment #19 was my last post way back in 2009 and I vow to you...you great-reader's you... that I will continue to tell all! Admittedly, some... and at times much of this, is B.S. sprinkled with about 65% truth. If you are new here please go back to read some of the earlier parts of this G.I.'s tale of love at first sight. This is me, JihadGene, as an old guy taking a look back at himself...and love...and raffing out roud! I can't help but come off sounding like Steinbeck writing about Cannery Row, as I write about the 1975 Republic of South Korea. Korea, in 1975 was a smell, a sound, a silence, and a strange sight to this 20 year old Californian. Looking back gives me great happiness and brings it all back again. It's a joy and a happiness that surrounds me, and reminds me of what is important in life...and what really does matter. I hope it comes across, in that way, for you. Have a wonderful weekend...wherever you are... and...by all means...keep our awesome troops and their families in your prayers a very LOOONG time!!! JG ;)

Why I RUV April Fool's Day

2011-04-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Love American VS Korean Style #19

If you joined us late in this epic tale of love and comedic tragedy then get up to speed by reading previous installments of "Love American VS Korean Style...
In Part 1- I met the girl I would marry. Her name is Kim and RUV is in the air!!!
In Part 2- Spent all my money on a MASTER PLAN to set up a birthday party that would put me with Kim.
In Part 3- Stupid master plan FAILS!Kim gets puked on by drunk Birthday Boy. Kim leaves. I am miserable.
In Part 4- Korean Grandmothers (Shaman) take pity on me. We Kamikaze in a taxi to Kim's. Grandma's sitting on my lap crushing my huevos. I may never have children.
In Part 5- I survive the taxi ride. The Grandmothers tell me they will fix all. I must return to base. I can't beat the midnight curfew but I damn sure try.
In Part 6- Suicide ride on a bus bumper. Crash. Injuries and more. Concussion too! Police chase! Escape & Evade!
In Part 7- Climb a telephone pole. Steal a bike with one wheel. Make my Great Escape!
In Part 8- Ride bike into a Banjo-Ditch (sewage). Another concussion and a laceration on the forehead. I crawl out and am captured by the ROK Army, then returned to base.
In Part 9- Got stitches/medical treatment at 0130 hours. Later that AM, a meeting with Military Police 1SG Black Thunder Johnson. Made an Ambassador to South Korea. Run to Motor Pool for a jeep.
In Part 10- Bicycle recovered. I fall into the banjo ditch. 1SG YOON/1SG Johnson/Me and the Korean Grandfather have a Pow-wow. Intercultural relations rebuilt! Valuable lessons learned.
In Part 11- The First Sergeants have a meeting. I am cleaned up at a ROK Army wash point. We go to Kim's. I am OBAMA, to the Korean OPRAH's (Grandmothers). I SEE KIM! We are returning to base.
In Part 12- I return to Camp with the First Sergeant's, jeep, and bicycle. My squad members, the house boys, and I/we all ponder MY fate. We break for chow (lunch). I opt for a nap and am awoken by my Squad leader SSG OLY. Intro to Staff Sergeant Oly (The Big "O") and the infamous Three Beeps! Time has come...I head for the orderly room.
In Part 13- I report to the orderly room. My fate is suspended until the next day when I must report back to the First Sergeant with my Squad Leader. I am re-directed to the unit supply room and meet Sergeant James Wheeler.
In Part 14- Learn about ambassadorship, love of life, Korean orphanages, and about giving from the US Army's Santa Claus, Sergeant Jimmy Wheeler.
In Part 15- I was to meet my fate. But what was it? I was reassigned and given a "Special Assignment". But what was it? I didn't know.
In Part 16- My "Special Assignment" was to ride shotgun on the trash truck going through our Army base. I banged my head on the truck's handrail and limply fell to the ground. With Kotex applied to my forehead I was taken to the Evac Hospital and returned to my unit. I am a cross between Elvis, Audie Murphy, Evel Knievel, Sad Sack, Ralph Kramden, and a crash test dummy.
In Part 17- I meet with The Iron Empress of Korea and her man, Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. A date with my KIM...the love of my life, is arranged.
In Part 18- I wait at the main gate to meet Kim and the LeDew's to taxi over to some park on our 1st date. I worry. Taxi is late, I think. What the heck happened to her?

So anyways... there I was at Gate#1. Camp Hialeah, in the Republic of Korea, April Fool's Day (April 1st) 1975. I have been waiting for my lovely Kim to arrive at the gate for our first official date. I was sooo excited! I was at the gate an hour and 15 minutes early. All these horrible thoughts raced through my mind like...Kim killed in a fiery car crash when coming to meet me...or that Kim was really a beautiful North Korean spy sent to break my heart and find out all the top secrets of the US Army's M151A1 (jeep)...or was this all some silly dream, one in which I would wake up in a United States full of illegal aliens waving Mexican flags, demanding even more health care, and stuck to serve under the leadership of a community organizer? Hell, Nixon and Ford were bad enough but soon I was to learn of Jimmy Carter.
Nawww...it was none of that I quickly realized as the light blue Korean taxi stopped in front of Gate#1. Inside was my buddy PFC Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana. Huey told me in his cajun voice that the girls, my lovely Kim and the Iron Empress (Huey's wife), would "meet us at a big park on a hill some-damn-where overlooking the city of Pusan". I became panicked and flew off the handle saying "What the hell do you mean some-damn-where, Huey?!" Huey responded with a weak "I kind of remember where it is up on a hill around here." Huey begins looking east and west. I yell at Huey "There's hills all around this city! We're talking a city of more than 2 million people, Huey! Hell, 75% of South Korea is mountains! Don't you know where the hell we're going?! Holy crap! There's nothing but parks or cemeteries on most of the hills around here!" Like a conservative at a town hall meeting I just can't stop and I continue to get louder saying... "Here it is, my very first date with Miss Kim and you don't know where in the hell it is we are to meet them?! Do you have any idea how damn hard it was for me to get this far with Miss Kim...huh?!" Huey just smiled. I dived into Huey like an ACORN executive into a pool of stimulus cash, yelling "IT TOOK ME OVER 3 WEEKS! THREE WEEKS, HUEY! I FELL OFF THE BACK OF A PUSAN CITY BUS GOING 40 MPH FOR HER! I THREW IN WITH A BUNCH OF OLD KOREAN WITCHES FOR HER! I CLIMBED A TELEPHONE POLE EVADING ARREST BY THE KOREAN POLICE FOR HER! I GOT LOCKED AND LOADED ON BY THE R.O.K. ARMY WITH M-16's AND LIT UP BY THE TURRET OF AN M-60 TANK FOR HER! I STOLE A ONE WHEELED BICYCLE AND RODE IT DOWN INTO A BANJO DITCH FOR HER! I BLEW A MONTH'S PAY TO SET UP A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR SOME ASSHOLE JUST SO I COULD GET CLOSE TO HER! IT COST ME FOUR HUNDRED BUCKS, HUEY! FOUR HUNDRED! DID I, BY CHANCE, FAIL TO MENTION THE 3 OR MORE CONCUSSIONS AND THE FACT THAT I HAD TO HAVE MY HEAD STITCHED UP, NOT ONCE...BUT TWICE?! AND ALL THE WHILE, HUEY...ALL THE WHILE... THE MEDIC'S IN THE EVAC HOSPITAL LAUGHED AT ME! FOR GOD'S SAKES, HUEY...I'VE HAD A FEMALE M.P. HOLD A FUCKING KOTEX TO MY HEAD TO STOP THE BLEEDING BECAUSE I FELL OFF A GARBAGE TRUCK WHILE SALUTING OUR C.O. AND ALL BECAUSE OF THIS LOVELY GIRL, MY MISS KIM! ALL THIS WHILE MY FELLOW MP's LAUGHED THEIR ASSES OFF AT ME! I TELL YOU...I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"
Winded... I stopped to catch my breath. Now then. Composure regained. Like a republican stuck with having to vote for John McCain, I told Huey with a voice raw from yelling, that in no uncertain terms..." You are looking at a desperate man here, Huey. How can anyone be so foolish as to not know where"...wait a minute. Wait. a. minute. Just one stinkin' minute! It was then I realized Huey was grinning at me the whole time I was yelling and trying to keep himself from laughing his Bubba Gump ass off. Huey was playing a joke on me and now he broke out into one of those big guffawing southern fried laughs of his. I looked at our Korean chain-smoking taxi driver who was smiling and shaking his head like he was in on it. "Boy, I had you going" Huey bellowed! With that we were off to the park to meet the girls. Huey laughed his fool-head off the entire way.
Though it was a weekday it was pretty busy at the park's entrance. Anyway, there at the entrance, we see the girls! We walk the park together. I am completely in love with my Miss Kim. Kim and I walk together, no hand holding (too early for that) Huey and his beautiful wife are not far behind. I look back at Mrs Huey P. LeDew, The Iron Empress, who gives me a slight smile and an approving nod. It's a beautiful day! I break out my Kodak and it's time for pictures. I take pictures of Huey and The Iron Empress...of the girls...they take pictures of Huey and me...screw that! Time for Kim and I to take a picture of our first date together, April 1st 1975. I'm in heaven! Things are going so good now and I'm so fired up that I put my arm around Kim and she says in an angelic voice some Korean phrase or expression I've never heard or noticed before. She said, "I Goo."
It sounded beautiful to me! As we went through the park I got lots of "I goo's" out of her as I put my arm around her for photos. It sounded like I was really sweeping her off her feet the way she said it. I'm excited! The sun is shining. Finally, the Iron Empress (Huey's wife) took me aside and told me to quit putting my arm around her. As regal and lovely as The Iron Empress was... I challenged her, I said..."But she keeps saying "I Goo". That means she likes it, in Korean, right?" The Empress smiled, shook her regal head no, and told me "I Goo" was the Korean equivalent of Huey's saying "Oh Shit". I thanked Her Majesty for the Korean lesson and thought "I Goo".

A few weeks later Saigon, South Vietnam fell into the hands of the enemy (John Kerry supporters) and I proposed to the lovely
Miss Kim. Stay tuned as this Korean love story ain't over yet. JG;)

*It really be us JihadGene & Miss Kim 4-01-1975

The Obama's on Libya

2011-03-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile... just back in from Brazil, we find the Obama's in a reflective mood regarding kinetic middle-eastern military goodwill bridge-burning/rebuilding activities...

MICHELLE: Oh Barry, I think it would be such a shame if Moammur Gaddafi were accidentally killed.

OBAMA: I know, Sweety...but on the bright side...the two of you will always share the same sense of fashion!

MICHELLE: (smiles to self) Yes. We'll always have that.

Fin.

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Sexy Soldiers!!!

2011-03-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's no secret...Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Jarheads (Marines) are not only sexy but they dance sexy as well. You say you are a non-believer and demand proof?! This vid is proof LOOONG time!!! My favorite is the soldier with the orange traffic cone. He MUST be an M.P. It takes one to know one. Whatever. It's Friday! So put on your Lady Gaga meat dress and get out on the dance floor, GI! ROR! Have a happy (not crappy) weekend and God bless our troops and their families a VERY LOOONG TIME!!!

RUV YA!

Gaddafi to Sing on Friday's Let's Dance!

2011-03-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Raff Out Roud with KIM Jong IL

2011-03-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

So I walk into this room and there's a Korean, a Filipino, and a Sri Lankan in the room. Is this the start of some kind of a bar joke? Nope, I'm at home with my son and two of his high school pals. Speaking of jokes...here's one of Great Reader's favorites, "The Monkey Joke"...

Hillary Sings! It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-03-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

I love today's let's dance song LOOONG time!!! Melissa Etheridge really belts this one out! This song is for Hillary Clinton who...while I don't like her...I do, however, greatly respect her for all of her hard work. She's got a very tough job and our President (Mr "O"nvacationasshole) has not made her job any easier. So let's remember all of our troops in harm's way and keep them and their families in our prayers!!! It's Friday so let's dance to Hillary Clinton singing, "I'm the Only One". Have a wonderful and safe weekend LOOONG time!!!

I'M THE ONLY ONE
(A JihadGene reWrite)

Please Barry can't you see...
Japan's a burnin' hell!
I got Arabs a rippin' and tearin' and strippin'!
Libya needs a NO FLY ZONE, as well!
Last night you told me...
that you ache for something new.
And some Brazilian golf is lookin' like something
that might be good for you???!!! (WTF)

Go on and stay there...at least Michelle is gone.
Go on, believe her when she tells you...
nothing's wrong.
But I'm the only one...
who'll tell the unvarnished truth to you!!!
I'm the only one...
who's down in my desire for the "U"!!! (USA)
It's not only fear that makes you a bum...
The People, is what you're hiding from!!!
When all your promises are gone...

I'm the only one!!!

Joe Biden, you know that dude can't see!
I'm trying to explain...
His mind's crap dejouer, he's an idiot for sure!
And I'm not going back again!!
The golf, vacations, and NCAA picks won't make
It go away!
You'll wake up tomorrow and write-off the sorrow...
that holds down the USA.

Go on and tell me: I'm a rock-throwin bitch whose gone!!!
Go on believe Pelosi when she tells you that
"Nothing's wrong."
But I'm the only one...
Who'll fly across the pond for you!!!
I'm the only one
Who'll drown in my desire for the "U" !!! (USA)
It's only the race card that helped you run
and demons at Fox news you're hiding from!!!
When all your empty promises are gone...
I'm the only one!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-03-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

Out here on the West Coast of Norf Korea (California), we either under-react or overreact to Mother Nature. In all of life's upheavals, it is good to know that some things never change. Like... God, soldiers, and surfers! Or soldiers who surf! Be advised that our military sand surfers are at the ready in Iraq! Bring on the tsunami! So jump up on your desktops and ride the wave behind a Humvee with the Great Reader, looong time!!! While we keep all those affected by the quake in our prayers, don't forget our awesome US Armed Forces, and particularly those who serve in the Pacific and will be helping out with the rescue and recovery efforts in Japan. It's Friday, so let's go on a Surfin' Safari... dance... and God bless all our troops and all their families a very LOOONG time!!!

Caffeine Criminal Advice and Forrest Gump

2011-03-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

DATELINE: Fresno, California "Drive-by Country": It seems Fresno has a crazed middle-aged male, named Charles Burkhalter, who is a Red Bull thief on the loose LOOONG time!!! Dude has stolen more than $1,000 worth of Red Bull from local Stop-n-Rob convenience markets. He wears a Red Bull shirt and carries a clipboard, claiming he is "swapping out" old inventories of the drink. Charles, you dumb ass LOOONG time!!! If you read my blog...Charles...and you probably do...based upon the fact that you are totally twisted and apparently can read the words "RED" and "BULL". Charles, get your shit together! If you're gonna take the chance to do the time for a crime...then do it right! Get a Forrest Gump green colored sun-visor and a matching green apron. Then... using your trusty clipboard...hit up the nicer grocery stores around Fresno for Starbucks coffee and drink products! If the Forrest Gump thing works for ya...I say, go for a two-fer and swipe some jumbo shrimp while you're at it! Geeez, man!! Think of it LOOONG time!!! Shrimp burger and a grande latte...shrimp cocktail and a Frappuccino...shrimp gumbo and a tall Tazo Joy tea...shrimp blah-blah-blah...and a blah-ha-ha...

*thanks to Matt (BLACKFIVE) for the inspiration of this post LOOONG time!!!

KIM Jong IL Advises Tiger Woods

2011-03-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

Great Reader of Norf Korea, KIM Jong IL has advised the once great golfer,Tiger Woods, to hire actor Charlie Sheen in order to help Woods overcome his "losing slump". In an exclusive interview, Norf Korean Newz asked our Great Reader, "How could Charlie Sheen possibly help Tiger Woods?" KIM Jong IL replied, "Winning LOOONG time....Duh!!!" JG;)

Charlie Sheen Seeks Help

2011-03-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

Troubled actor, Charlie Sheen, today hired professional help for counseling on sexual addictions. It is unknown, the amount Charlie has agreed to pay Tiger Woods.

Great Reader RUV's you LOOONG time ;)

Two Libyan Pilots Go AWOL

2011-03-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile somewhere at a Libyan Air Ports Base we find Lance Corporal Colonel Gaddafi 's Air Force pilots, Habeeb and Clifford, in a most serious discussion....

Habeeb :But I think he's right! In fact, I just saw Colonel Gaddafi's latest You Tube interview. He has proclaimed the skies over Libya are 100% more safe right now, than flying on a Delta flight outta Fresno even after being felt-up by the TSA criminals!

Clifford: More safe, my moose-limb ass! Dude don't know the difference between a Shitzu and some granola!

Habeeb: Don't speak of our great leader like that!

Clifford: Did he do the You Tube at night again?

Habeeb: Yes.

Clifford: Was it raining?

Habeeb: Well, no.

Clifford: Was he dressed like a Libyan Librarian Lady and carrying the umbrella again?

Habeeb: Yes. Yes, he was.

Clifford: So...???

Habeeb: Damn.

Kadafi's Song a Hit in North Korea

2011-03-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

It's a rainy Sunday out here on the DMZ just norf of Bakersfield. Reminds me of the latest #1 "HIT" song now playing in Pyongyang. Enjoy, have a great Sunday, and drag your raggedy carcasses to church! I'm odors you!! Oh yeah...remember that Great Reader RUV's the US troops and their families a VERY LOOONG TIME so keep 'em in your prayers!!!

KIM Jong IL Sings to Kadafi! It's Friday!! Let's Dance!!!

2011-03-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Heck of another week flew right by me. Please keep our troops in your prayers and especially our wounded and all our military family members. Today's "Let's Dance" is a Commie Doors tune, rewritten by Great Reader- JihadGene and dedicated to Pvt Kadafi in Libya. So without further a-due here's the KIM Jong IL chorus singing...

"Three Times A CRAZY"

Tanks for the times
That you've given me
The memories of you

out your mind
And now that you've come
To the end of your road, Bro
There's somes thing
I'm must say out ROUD

You're once, twice
Tree times a cray-gee
Yes you're once, twice
Tree times more cray-gee

And I'm RUV you

When we was to-gedder
The WMD's I'm cherish
With every bleat of a sheep
Obama can't touch you or Eric Holder you
Tell him, "O" fruck you!
There's nothing to keep our axis apart
You're once, twice,
"Two and a Half Men"

a cray-gee
And I RUV you
I'm RUV's you...

(LOOONG TIME!!!)

Birthdays and Jehovah

2011-03-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

Today is my Mom's birthday. But before you go and think I am going to get all smushy-mushy about it, you can stop right there. I haven't written much in awhile but my deceased mom's, Jehovah H. God, has inspired me to do just that. Some kids were lucky and had moms that were kleptomaniacs or alcoholics. Not us. No such luck. Ya see, my mom was a Jehovah's witness. She was a door knocker! A bell ringer! A waker-upper and an interrupter!! A purveyor and peddler of Watchtower and Awake magazines, was she!!! ALL Praise Jehovah!

When I was a little guy she would drag some of us kids along with her spreading the word of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Brooklyn, NY... in hopes of getting fewer doors slammed in her face, I guess. Or cussed out, I reckon. Clearly she was not one of those heathen unbeliever's who's ass was doomed from the get-go of Armageddon! Nope. You would never find a crucifix, rosary, Christmas tree, or a birthday cake or candle, anywhere's in my "Mom's House of Jehovah God". Can I get an amen from you Sisters and Brothers out there? Oh yeah! Well, that was my Mom's stand on birthdays. Well...except for "HER" birthday.

My awakening about my mom's birthday was around the end of February or the beginning of March 1962. It was then I recall my mom first would start dropping us kids subtle hints. Hints like saying... "Gift wrapping paper is now on sale now at our local Sprouse Reitz Variety Store!"...or saying "I could really use a new pen and pencil set to take notes with at the Kingdom Hall."...or maybe saying that she could sure use a new book bag (to carry all her damn Watchtower and Awake magazines in). When it came down to crunch time, that is...when it was the night before her birthday, she prayed with us to Jehovah God telling us (as usual) to give thanks to such a loving God who would spare us (but not those rotten neighbor kids) from heaven's fire raining down upon our unwashed asses, come the time of Armageddon. Then... in a Charlie Sheen moment...she would start humming "Happy Birthday to You". Happy birthday, Mom!

I guess blogging is work of the Devil. Oh well. JG;)

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Mind Control!!!

2011-02-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

The Norf Korean CIA has just disclosed an ohfishall US Army almost XXX RATED/ NOT SAFE FOR THE WORK ENVIORNMENT mind controlling music video. It is believed the US Army has "field tested" this form of mind control technique on the "Squid Senator" from Arizona, John McCain. I can only hope that this whole "mind control thing" results in the winning of next season's Army-Navy football game. It's after Friday already in Pyongyang...so let's dance and keep our brave US Troops and their families (who could use some conjugal visits LOOONG time) in your prayers!!! That's an odor! Go Army! Beat Navy!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2011-02-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

Great Reader KIM Jong Gene, here. Been a hell of a week LOOONG time!!! But, it could have been worse'r... I'm sure. Anyways...on Monday our front-loading washing machine freeking SPLODED! I guess the letters "H" and "E" on my Kenmore stood for High Explosive instead of High Efficiency. That sucker cost a grand back in 2002. Guess my ruvly wife, the former Miss Kim Shee, my Minister of Norf Korean Finances, has now seen why you should onwree put HE detergent in an HE washing machine. Damn. Sooo.... now the "low voltage" electricial system in our custom built George Jetson/Elvis/Austin Powers style custom built home is playing games. Our local e-wrecked-tricians are gonna make bank. Shit. Speaking of shit... that is what I stepped into yesterday....in the house...and I tracked it around...of course. Damn dogs. This is why you should never wear any shoes in a Korean household...so you know immediately when you stepped in it! Serves me right, I guess. Oh well, that's life. But, hey! It's a Friday!! So let's dance LOOONG time, and keep all of our troops and their families in our prayers!!!

Leslie Knows Great Reader LOOONG Time!!!

2011-02-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

Leslie, of Leslie's Omnibus, knows my likes and dislikes LOOONG time!!! Ain't nothing better than... (other than our own awesome US Armed Forces)... than some KIM Jong IL, WWE Wrestling action, and rap musick... looong time!!! WARNING: This is NOT safe for the work environment, looong time!!! Again...thanks LOOONG time, to the wonderful Leslie!!!

KIM Jong IL Watches CNN

2011-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile somewhere norf of the Samsung-infested nation of South Korea we find Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL watching Shee-N-N for the latest news...

KIM: General Wang! Come quick and adjust wabbit ears on mine Philco TV!!

WANG: (enters and adjusts) There you go, Great Reader Sir! Rabbit ears all adjusted.

KIM: Great! This is LOOONG time important breaking news I'm watching!!!

WANG: Wow! Look at all those people jumping up and down, celebrating, and waving flags, Sir.

KIM: Yeah...I'm guess Bawack Whosenamed Obama has granted them all amnesty! Looks like those Mexiclans know how to throw a fiesta LOOONG time!!!

WANG: Sir...those are Egyptians.

KIM: Oh...my bad.

WANG: Will there be anything else, Oh Great One?

KIM: I'm hung-glee, Wang. Why don't you call Colonel Sanchez's Korean Fried Chicken and order up a bucket of El Pollo Loco!

WANG: Si.

Korean New Year: KIM Jong IL Talks Football and Beer

2011-01-31T11:35:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile back in Norf Korea on the north side of South Korea's goal post (the DMZ) it's Korean New Year's Day and we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL, thinking and drinking, NFL football...LOOONG TIME...while watching cartoons on TV.

KIM: You knows, General Wang,...for Korean New Years...I'm just wishes that Betts Favre was going to bee in the Soupers Bowl. (BELCH!)

WANG: I didn't know you liked American football, Great Reader Sir.

KIM: Butt of clourse! NFHell Footsball is very good game!! (BURRRP!!!) Hands me a'nudder beer...will you, General Wang?

(Wang goes to KIM's 225 sq ft compact bar fridge, opens door, and finds all sorts of beers)

WANG: Uhhh...Great Reader, Sir?

KIM: What's problem?

WANG: Which brand do you want, Sir? There are so many...

KIM: The green and yellow, white and green, purple and white one...of course!

WANG: Hmm...(examines beer)... I've never heard of this beer, Great One.

KIM: You means to tells me you never herds of OLD NUMBA #4, made by Betts Brewery?!

WANG: I'm afraid not, Sir...

KIM: Why...it's the beer that made the Green Bay Jets of New York City, Minnesota famous!

WANG: I should of known.

KIM- Wanna watch some TV with me, General Wang?

(KIM puts on his green & yellow Viking helmet)

WANG: Uhhh...well...no thanks, Sir. I'm not into Spongebob Squarepants.

KIM- What???!!! I'm thoughts it was a show about Gween Bay fans! Damn!!!

WANG: Anything else before I go, Sir?

KIM: Change TV channel on remote.

WANG: Certainly, Great Reader...what to?

KIM: The K-9 channel... I want to see sneak previews of the 2011 Westminster Dog Show. I'm heard Michaels Vick is gonna be one of the judges!

WANG: (OMG)...

fin.

* This one's for that "Favre Lover" LOOONG time....UNCLE JIMBO...at BLACKFIVE.

(also known as: UNCLE JIMBLOW and BRACKFIVE, in Norf Korean speak.)

KIM Jong IL Not Surprised

2011-01-25T09:27:00.000-08:00

Dateline: Pyongyang (APee)- Great Reader of Norf Korea, KIM Jong IL, has just discovered he has a half-sister in the Chicago, Illinois area. Her name is Oprah Winstuffforfree.

Koreans Kick Pirate Butt!!! Let's Dance!!!

2011-01-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

Not only do Norf Koreans kick Somali pirate butt as seen HERE...but so do the South Koreans who have had it with paying ransom to Somali pirates as seen HERE today.
The score? All 21 members of the South Korean vessel safe...not so much the 8 dead Somali pirates and 4 captured. In honor of this day let's all dance to a super looong time cool tune! This is an oldy but a goody I wrote a ways back...
Remember that song "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits? You know...I want my MTV and all of that? Sure ya do! So I wrote this here song through the sand-filled eyes of Iranian Freedom Fighters (AKA: terrorists) Abdul and Mohammad, on location (redeployed) in Iraq...

(*Abdul sings to Mohammad)

I want to,
I want to,
I want to be Somali...

I want to,
I want to,
I want to be Somali...

Now look at them Muslim brothers
That's the way you do it
You play buccaneer like that Somali
That ain't working, that's the way you do it
Money from the Great Satan and your Virgins almost for free

Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it
Let me tell you them Pirates ain't dumb
Maybe catch a head-shot from some Navy frigate
Maybe get off with only a cut left thumb

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean all these R.P.G.'s

The little pirate with the earring and the makeup
Yeah Mohammad, that's his own teeth
That little pirate got his own jet airplane (ride)
That little pirate even get's B.L.T.'s (sorry Allah)

(*Abdul and Mohammad sing together)

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

(*Mohammad sings to Abdul)

Look at that, look at that
I should have learned to talk like a pirate
I should have learned to dance a jig
Look at that punk-ass pirate, grinnin at the cameras
While we sweat our balls off, here...chewin on figs
And Obama's up there, what's that? Hawaiian noises?
Shakin' hands like a fuckin chimpanzee (Oooo...I said chimpanzee)
Oh, that ain't working, that's the way you do it
Get your power from ACORN and your bailouts for free (not free for taxpayers)

(*Abdul busts-up and joins Mohammad in song)

We got to do the will of Allah
Custom weapons deliveries
We got to kill Allah's agitators
We got to clean these R.P.G.'s

Listen here
Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it
You play the Pirate on the NBC
That ain't working, that's the way you do it
Food for nothing and your cell (jail) for free
Clothing for nothing and running water for free

Get your prayer mat for nothing, get your Korans for free
Clean sheets for nothing, pen & paper for free

Look at that, look at that
Get your TV for nothing, get your basketball for free
(I want to, I want to, I want to be Somali)
Law library for nothing and the ACLU to help you get out for free

Easy, easy

That ain't working

JihadGene and KIM Jong IL

2011-01-13T21:56:00.002-08:00

KIM: JihadGene, you are one lay-gee (lazy) in-dye-bid-ual!

ME: Me? A lazy individual? Nawww...Why you say that, Great Reader?

KIM: Beeclaws you NO brogg LOOONG time!!! What's a matta for you, huh?!

ME: Been thinking I don't like doing this so much....the thrill is gone...so to speak.

KIM: Who are you, B.B. Bean?

ME: I think you got L.L. Bean and B.B. King mixed up there, oh Great One.

KIM: All I'm nose is you acting like Mr Bean on holiday...and you no do nothing brogging! In old daze you write about me LOOONG time!!! Now you just waste time on Faces of Book clicking the "I rike it" button on all kinds of weird commenting shit. You even gots friends you don't even knows!

ME: So where we going with this, Great Reader?

KIM: Are you going to continue to brogg all about glorious Great Reader KIM Jong IL or stop your brogging all together?

ME: Hmmm...I don't have all that much time to blog and I haven't been good about visiting other friends on their blogs....so I uh...well... I'm not sure I'll continue. Guess I'm undecided right now.

KIM: Think about it. You betta think about it LOOONG time and give me an answer by Korean New Years Day!!!

ME: We'll see.

KIM: Indeed.

One Day in Fashion Thug

2010-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

The wife and I own a Mom-n-Pop clothing store in the hood. We are located near a military base and I do get some of their business, from the troops stationed there. I did my own survey on the repeal of DADT (don't ask don't tell). And now...the results of my findings.

Hi there! My name is Gene. Merry Christmas and welcome to Fashion Thug!

Oh, uh... hello, Sir. Do you give military discounts?

We sure do! We love the military LOOONG time, here at Fashion Thug! Say there, Sailor... how do you feel about this whole gays-in-the-military thing?

Gays in the military???

Sorry I asked.

The Korean Christmas Grinch

2010-12-18T07:20:00.001-08:00

My skinny pencil-necked Korean Doctor (Dr Kwak ) has finally decided, right before Christmas, that I'm overweight and should go on a diet. He said, "You too fat! You go on diet! No candy! No booze!" Anybody know where I can find a fat Korean Doctor?

Happy Thanksgiving 2010 Uncle Jimbo

2010-11-24T19:08:00.001-08:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the smoldering South Korean island of Yeonpyeong we find Norf Korea'a Great Reader, KIM Jong IL studying closely his Chi-com computer screen...

KIM: Whaaattt?! This cannot be. No fookin' way Senor Jose! General Wang, come quick!!!

WANG- Right here Great Reader, Sir! What's the problem, Sir? Are the South Koreans counter-attacking?

KIM- Who da hell is Leader of the United Steaks...George DoubleWoo Bush or Bawack Whosenamed Obama?

WANG- Obama is, Sir.

KIM- Zactly...so no more talks of counters attacking. The problem is not war. The ploblem is right there!
(pointing at You Tube of Uncle Jimblow)

WANG- Great One, I saw this video earlier but I saw nothing out of the ordinary.

KIM- You saws nothing out of the ordinary but did you possibility hears somesthing out of the ordinary?

WANG- Out of the ordinary, Great Reader...well...Uncle J was rather pleasant...

KIM- And....and...???

WANG- He was rather nice and rather thankful...

KIM- And he didn't even mudder-pucking cuss!!! Not one time! You knows what's I'm thinks???!!! I'm tells ya what I'm thinks...that red, white, and brew... Special Courses Queen Beret is using a stunt double!!! You know hows I'm do's it, General Wang!

WANG- Yes, I do know, Sir.

KIM- Yes, like when I'm sick in hospital...or laying low because the wife is pissed about my Joy Brigade leaving undergarments beneath the sofa cushions...or when I didn't want to go to school....or like the time when when I didn't want to eat rice again for dinner.

WANG- Then why is Uncle Jimbo using a double, Sir?

KIM- Hmmm?... Put The People's Glorious Starving Army on TRIPLE RED ALERT!!!

WANG- Yes, immediately, Great Reader! But why?

KIM- If that's not Uncle Jimblow on Yoo Tube then there are only 2 places he could be...

WANG- Two places, Sir?

KIM- He's either coming to Norf Korea to kick my ass or he's at the airport impersonating a TSA agent.

WANG- My money's on the airport, Sir.

KIM- Perhaps. Cancel the alert, General Wang. And General Wang...

WANG- Yes, Great Reader?

KIM- Happy Thanksgiving!!!

It's 3AM Mr President

2010-11-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile it's 3:00AM and we find the President not on vacation, for once, but at the White House, in bed. The telephone rings...

TELEPHONE: (ringtone: Cheech & Chong's "Earache My Eye")

BARACK: ZzzzZzzz....

MICHELLE: zzz...Huh? (elbows Barack)

BARACK: Zzzz...

MICHELLE: Honey, wake up. It's the "RED" phone! (more elbowing)

BARACK: Okay-okay, I'm up. No more elbowing. Who the hell are you, Kobe Bryant?! Give me the phone, Mama.

MICHELLE: Here, asshole! (hands phone upside down).

BARACK: (holds phone upside down) What? I can barely hear ya. What...shelling in South Korea? Did you wake ME... "THE PRESIDENT"... up at 3AM... to tell ME..."THE PRESIDENT"... I looked like an ASS and BOMBED at the G20 Summit in Seoul???!!! WHO is this, anyway? Is that you Hillery???!!! I'll bet it's you! I got your number, BITCH! Did Bill put you up to this?!

TELEPHONE: click

BARACK: Damn!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2010-11-19T16:54:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! Let's dance LOOONG time for the TSA!!!

In the Newz

2010-11-19T13:17:00.001-08:00

Hi friends! Baghdad Bob Gibbs here with (pause like Paul Harvey)...the news! Today in The House of Representatives, Congressman Barney Frank recommended, due to numerous complaints against intrusive body scans and pat downs, that a new "titular head" of the T.S.A. be appointed. In a rare exhibition of true "BI" partisanship, Democrat Congressman Frank requested that former Republican Congressman Larry Craig be given the job. Frank was quoted as saying "Due to Congwessman Cwaig's 'wide stance' on security of airport bathrooms...I mean, sufferin' succotash... he'd be perfect for the job!"

Bill Clinton on Body Scans

2010-11-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! Marines Lead! Let's Dance!!!

2010-11-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the Marines are currently in the lead with donations for Project Valour-IT. It's a Friday and they finally catch up to the Army....big freekin' deal! Are we defeated, my friends? Damn, that sounded like John McCain. Oh well, where was I...oh yeah... they, the Marines, have finally cashed their welfare checks in and made some donations but soon they will have spent all their money on the pole dancers near Camp Pendelton and Parris Island. But we, my friends, we brave few, we at TEAM ARMY will dominate! Will will nuke those pukes LOOONG TIME! In honor of the Marines temporary victory I will be nice and play a dance video, made by some Aflac-can Americans, who are outfitted in "full" Marine Corps combat-bling uniforms for club-ing in (includes cute hats). It's Friday so click on "your team" to donate to Project Valour-IT and God breast TEAM MARINE, TEAM ARMY, TEAM NAVY, and TEAM AIR FORCE! Let's donate and dance!!! (Poles are optional)

Army Demotivator

2010-11-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Over at Villainous Company they are having a "Demotivator Contest" between the US Armed Forces. Project Valour-IT will be the ultimate winner in this! Here's my entry for the Army & Brigadier General Walsh who had to put up with Boxer's crap. Here's my entry...

Jackwagons Unite!

2010-11-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

Friends over at Villainous Company reminded me of Project Valour-IT. Got some extra dough, Joe? Here's a way to put it to some really good use. We have a lot of wounded troops,as of late, due to stepped up operations in southern Afghanistan. Medevacs are TWICE the number they were last year. A bunch of those wounded troops could use a voice activated laptop to give them some independence by using the computer themselves and not having to depend too much on others. Sending e-mails to friends and family means a lot. Ever been in a hospital for several days or more? Know how it is...sleeping when you can...or need to...and waking up to find cards from visitors you missed because you were so out of it? Project Valour-IT offers just the ticket! Communication for when a wounded Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or Marine needs and feels up to it. These voice activated laptops do wonders for the morale of our wounded heroes. I know they hate being called heroes but...they ARE!!! Our troops deserve the very best! Please give. Hell, I don't even care which branch of service you donate to, as long as it goes to Project Valour-IT. Click HERE for Army. HERE for Navy. HERE for Air Force. HERE for Marines. God bless you and thanks for your support!!! Always remember that Great Reader ruv's you Jack's Wagons all a VERY LOOONG TIME!!!

KIM Jong IL Fixes California Border

2010-11-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the South Korean Imjin Rio Grande, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL contemplating California's illegal alien problems...

KIM: That's it, General Wang!

WANG: What's it, Great Reader Sir?

KIM: Advertising will fix Califloornia's illweegull aliens pwoblem!

WANG: Sir, what kind of advertising could possibly fix California's illegal alien problem?

KIM: False advertising!

WANG: False advertising, O' Great One?

KIM: Yes. My plan is simple as My Simon! Koweefornia only needs to put up a sign on her southern border with Mexicrow!

WANG: A sign, Sir?

KIM: Yes, a sign...but not just any sign! This will be a sign that will confuse the Green Card Challenged masses! With this sign...Coweefloornia will soon have all those uninsured democrat voting motorists, paddling their way through the desert sands, headed back south!

WANG: What could a sign possibly say to produce such a reaction, Great Reader?

KIM: "Welcome to Oregon".

WANG: Sir, you have too much free time on your hands.

KIM: I'm knows.

It's Friday! Let's Dance for Project Valour-IT!!!

2010-10-29T18:52:00.001-07:00

Well...what can I say, the Navy Team is really dragging ass in contributions for Project Valour-IT so let's encourage those Sailors to open their wallets with a fine dance tune! I know they'll throughly enjoy this one, LOOONG TIME!!! Don't ask...don't tell. It's Friday so let's dance and give it up for TEAM NAVY!!! To donate to Project Valour-IT for TEAM NAVY click this button...

Check out Soldiers Angels - Soldiers Angels Project VALOUR-IT TEAM ARMY

2010-10-29T08:12:00.001-07:00

I want you to take a look at: Soldiers Angels - Soldiers Angels Project VALOUR-IT TEAM ARMY

Project Valour-IT and Team Army

2010-10-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

It's a great day in the neighborhood LOOONG time!!! Why? Because it's time to break out that wallet or purse of yours and help out some very special folks. VERY SPECIAL! They are wounded war veterans who can't use their hands to do stuff like I'm doing now...or e-mailing friends... or getting lost in the wide-wide world of Face Book. Imagine sitting in a bed, wounded, and away from home having to have someone (when available) write your emails for you or help you see what's on the computer. Not good. But thanks to (then a Captain) the wounded/blow'd up by an IED, Chuck Ziegenfuss, Project Valour-IT was born. Who says good stuff doesn't come outta bad?! From this mess (Chuck's 2005 wounding while stationed in Iraq) came these voice controlled laptops. Operated by speaking into a microphone or by using other adaptive technologies, these laptops make it possible for a wounded Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or even a "heathen" Marine...keep in touch with friends, family, and best-buds back in their old units. For Chuck it was a blessing (my words). For Chuck (his words) "It wasn't just the blogging. It was the community. I had readers [who] cared about me." With the help of those wonderful folks at Soldiers' Angels, Chuck formed Project Valour-IT. Project Valour-IT has helped over 5,000 wounded troops as of September 2010. Unfortunately more will need our help. "OUR" help. Please give to Project Valour-IT as a fund raising drive is on between the services. It's competition between the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines starting today through Veterans Day November 11th. To donate to Project Valour-IT and Team ARMY click right HERE! You can donate to another service if you want...it's all good...as these laptops go to any branch of our armed forces as needed. Please help even if it's only a couple of bucks. Good begets good LOOONG time!!! RUV, JG ;)

Obama's Targets Exposed by KIM Jong IL

2010-10-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

Meanwhile somewhere north of the 38th Parallel we find Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL smoking a pipe and checking out the latest news on CNN...

KIM: General Wang! Comes here!!! Checks outs what I'm T-Flowed for you!

WANG: Right here, Great Reader, Sir! What was it you TiVo'd for me, Sir?

KIM: I'm T-Flowed the She-N-N Newz. Just looks at whats I'm got's on my Wang Chung, soupersized (19 inch) brack and white, Chinese HeathKit TV screen! Look... it's the anchors-man, Wolf's Blitzkrieg!!! Watch and learn, General Wang...

TV: Wolf here, with a CNN news breaking report...CNN has just learned that no less than fifty ICBM's in Wyoming have gone off-line, rendering their targeting systems totally useless against "THE ENEMY" for a FULL 45 minutes!

KIM: Isn't that great, General Wang?!

WANG: Great, Sir? Do you mean it was great that we, North Koreans, may not have been targeted by the Americans for 45 minutes, Sir? Is that what you're saying?

KIM: No!!! I'm means that Americlaw's economy is on the rebound!

WANG: Let me get this straight, Sir. You say... that by America's missiles not targeting us, in North Korea, that the US economy is on the rebound?

KIM: No-no-NO!!! Think...General Wang! Who is Americlaw's President?

WANG: Barack Obama, Sir.

KIM: Yes! Now...whose the "ENEMY" of Barack Whosenamed Obama?

WANG: Are you saying TAXPAYING CONSERVATIVES and SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS were the targets of the missiles, Sir?

KIM: BLINGO!

WANG: So...what you're saying, is that this "45 minutes of freedom" may have sparked some confidence in those hard working middle-class Americans who are invested in America with their hearts and souls, Sir?! You're amazing, Great Reader!!!

KIM: As SureWok Holmes would say..."It's trigonometry, my deer Watson!"

WANG: Can I have a hit off your pipe, Sir?

KIM: Okray...but don't Bogart it, Wang.

WANG: Shall I order pizza, Sir?

KIM: Oh hell yeah!