Saturday, June 26, 2010

On My Wish List

My Elder Sister Carol has pre-ordered the derux Mr Potato Head Elvis figure for my birthday! Now...if only I had these babies to run wild around the house in! The wife thinks I'm a nut...but hey...she's a South Korean!!!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Not Forgotten-Korean War Veterans

The Forgotten War

The Forgotten War. The Korean War. It started 25 June 1950. God bless the South Koreans and may those who lived through the active war years educate the younger ones and tell them of the Americans who helped them fight for the freedoms and prosperity they enjoy today. God bless our Korean War vets. It started 60 years ago and still the Korean War has not ended. God bless all our troops and those stationed in South Korea who truly are guarding freedom's frontier.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

KIM Jong IL on General McChrystal, Beer , and Illegal Aliens

Meanwhile on a beach north of the sunny beaches of South Korea we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL contemplating the latest intel gleaned from the milblog BLACKFIVE...

(announces over P.A. system)
SECURITY BLEACH! SECURITY BLEACH! Attention: Seven Star General Wang reports to Great Reader KIM Jong IL, ASLAP!!!

WANG- Right here, Sir! What's wrong?! You didn't torpedo another ship did you?

KIM- (pointing to computer screen) Naw...not yet, but just rook at Brackfive's security bweech of OP-SEX regulations! They give in-slider trading information on former Afghan War general, General McChrysler! See that?! It say that that "pushie" (Norf Korean talk for pussy) drinks beer with flute in it!!!

WANG- Okay, Sir... so General McChrystal drinks beer with fruit flavoring in it. Now what intel can we possibly learn from that?

KIM- That General Chrysler... is really an illegal alien piece of crap made in MEXICLO!

WANG- You're saying General McChrystal is a Mexican, Sir?

KIM- Abs-so-root-ly!!!

WANG- How can you possibly say that, Sir?

KIM- Eee-Gee!

WANG- Easy, Sir?

KIM- Oh hells yes! Look at the fax!
Numba one fax: Americlaw's economy is hurting!

WANG- Yes, Sir...go on...

KIM- Numba 2 fax: Illregal aliens works cheap. You can screw 'em all day wrong and pay them very little money. I bet the entire US military is a bunch of illregal aliens the way they get paid!

WANG- I've seen their pay. You may have a point there.

KIM- Now...fax numba tree: The USA is doing good in World Cup soccer. You think those are boner-fied Americrans on that team and not a bunch of Mexiclans?

WANG- Okay. You got me on that one, Sir.


WANG- Cerveza, Sir?

KIM- Of clourse...but no flute in it!

WANG- No fruit, Sir. (serves beer)

KIM- Hey! Yous forgot to put the little umbrella in it!

WANG- Sorry, Sir.

Joe Biden on Law and Odor

Is that right? They were playing a game, were they? As I understood it, they were inside a bar when this act of insubordination took place! What? It was near a school snackbar? They were schoolgirls jumping rope and singing when I was disrespected? Now give it to me straight-up...what did the reporter for the Rollin' Stoned hear them sing?

Teddy bear , teddy bear ,
Touch the ground ,
Teddy bear , teddy bear ,
Turn around ,
Teddy bear , teddy bear ,
Walk upstairs ,
Teddy bear , teddy bear ,
Say your prayers,
Teddy bear , teddy bear ,
Turn down the light,
Joe Bite-Me Biden
He ain't right."

Send those little Lady Ga Ga's to my office with their big fu@king deal of a rope!!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Movie I Must See "Restrepo"

"Restrepo" is about a US Army platoon deployed in Afghanistan's deadly Korengal Valley. My friend Kanani Fong over at The Kitchen Dispatch is helping promote it. It's backed by National Geographic, Blackfive, and you know it's something special.
The trailer is HERE.

Monday, June 21, 2010

KIM Jong IL and Father-Son Talk

Meanwhile somewhere north of the South African World Cup vuvuzela zealots...we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL talking to his son, KIM Jong Un, about the soccer match with Portugal...

GREAT READER: So, Glass-hopper did glorious soccer match against heathens of Porch-U-gull go?

SON: It did not go well, Great Father.

GREAT READER: What was score?

SON: Dad, they beat us SEVEN-NOTHING and we were lucky to get nothing.

GREAT READER: Did you not discuss TicTacs ?

SON: Yes, Father...we discussed tactics.

GREAT READER: You gave them a PEPPY-talk... did you not?

SON: (tearing up, head down) Yes Dad, I gave them a pep-talk... but I failed.
...sniff...sniff...What should I do?

GREAT READER: Well, when wife give you womens, make women-aide!

SON: (head up) So what do I do, Father?

GREAT READER: Give Coach and team a PREP talk.

SON: What's a "prep" talk, Sir?

Now...go bro your nose, dry eyes, and put all of soccer team on
the DPRK's "Endangered Feces List"!!!

SON: Yes, Daddy! (exits excitedly, stage right)

GREAT READER: (yelling towards son) And thanks LOOONG time for the vodka-flavored-viagra-infused Father's Day veggie gift pack, Son!!!

SON: (from far off) Por nada.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Korean War Vet Receives Awards in Mail

This taken from the Associated Press,6-18-2010:

"MURRAY, KY (wkms) - A former Army soldier from Murray has received his forgotten medals from a conflict known as the "Forgotten War." The Murray Ledger & Times reports that Korean War veteran Frank Andrus recently received five military honors from the 10 months he
spent fighting in Korea. 81-year-old Andrus served as a machine gun operator for the Army's 25th Division, 35th Infantry Regiment, and suffered a shrapnel injury to his foot. He says a fire at the National Personnel Records Center in Washington in the early 1970s destroyed his service records, making it hard for the military to track him down. He recently received a box that included a Purple Heart, a Combat Infantry Badge and other honors."

Now this angers me VERY DAMN MUCH!
Mr Andrus fought in "The Forgotten War" and when apparently trying to rectify a problem, due to records being destroyed in the 1970 fire, an agency of our US Government "forgot" how to deliver medals like the Purple Heart and the Combat Infantryman's Badge. How in the HELL do you send an 81 year old man, via the sluggish United States Postal Service, his "COMBAT" decorations he "EARNED" almost 60 years ago?!
The great state of Kentucky has a long list of faithful warriors who served and are today, serving our country...why heck...Kentucky even has two very famous US Army forts there! Near Louisville, Fort Knox is home of the US Army's Armor School and some gold, if we have any leftover that Obama doesn't know about. Next is Fort Campbell, home of the 101st Airborne Division. Hell, I think the US Army could scrape up a couple of thousand active duty combat veterans from either of those bases alone to help "personally" pin those awards on Mr Andrus. Some of those soldiers probably even served with Mr Andrus' unit, the 25th Infantry Division. Those awards should be "properly presented" to ALL who served in combat. If you know anybody with some political punch get a hold of them ASAP to help right this wrong!
Thanks in advance for your help looong time!!!

Here's some folk's you can call also:
Senator Mitch McConnell (R- KY) 202-224-2541
Senator Jim Bunning (R- KY) 202-224-4343
Representative Edward Whitfield (R - 01)202-225-3115
Representative Brett Guthrie (R - 02) 202-225-3501
Representative John Yarmuth (D - 03) 202-225-5401
Representative Geoff Davis (R - 04) 202-225-3465
Representative Harold Rogers (R - 05) 202-225-4601
Representative Ben Chandler (D - 06) 202-225-4706

Friday, June 18, 2010

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!'s Friday! Today's song is one of survival as...well...let's face's a dog eat dog world out there. Pick up a dancing partner with two or four legs and dance because it's Friday!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Obama in Chrysler Commercial

Meanwhile...somewhere in the White House...

BO: Michelle, did you see this?

MO: What, Barry?

BO: The People's newest Chrysler commercial!

MO: Yeah I saw it...but I didn't get it. Bunch 'a white dudes and not a female one, nor a person of color in the whole damned commercial.

BO: Look again... my Big Booty'd's brilliant, I say!

MO: How in the hell is that shit brilliant, Barry?

BO: That commercial is ALL about ME!


BO: Just look, Sugar Booger! The guy driving that wind-solar powered People's Chrysler is me! ME-ME-ME!!! "I" was in the white-face and wig just so's to get it past those ass-hoe's at Fox News.

MO: OMG...Barry! And those white folks (in the red coats) you be runnin' down, really be white?!

BO: That's right, Sweet Meat! Not only white but "typical white" middle class racist Arizonans!

MO: I see it all clearly now, Barry! Those guys are a bunch of racist Arizonans that are tea baggers, war mongers, tax & spend complainers, oil driller-spillers, Israeli Army lovers, hockey-mom moose hunters, and a bunch of Neo Nazi conservatives who need a "teachable moment" about world peace through self-disarmament , health care SEIU style, Fannie-Freddy & friends bailouts, Islam-The Religion of Peace through Jihad Sensitivity Training, tax increases, N.Korean-Iranian nuclear energy producers, carbon footprints, and global warming!

BO: You got it, my bodacious Bamma Mamma! Now let Big Daddy show you how to plug a hoe...

MO: (bending over and grabbing ankles)
I'm so proud to be an American!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

It's Zero Five Hundred!!!

How the JihadGene Family Started the Day:

ME: It's 0500 hours, Son, so get outta that fart sack RIGHT NOW , Mister! WAKE UP!!!

BEN: (smiling) Okay, Dad.

ME: You maggoty maggot! DO NOT EVEN SMILE AT ME, LADY!!! GET UP so your Mom can make you a good-by-God-breakfast and so I can drag your raggedy ass'd flea-bitten carcass down to summer football practice where I will relinquish your young 14 year old rear end to other adults who will commence to kicking your butt like that pussy Obama can only dream about! You got that, MR. SLACKER?!!!

BEN: You like the smell of kimchi in the morning...don't you, Dad?

ME: Smart ass.
(That's my boy!!!)

Monday, June 14, 2010

KIM Jong IL on Health & Beauty with Ranger UP

From the "Desk of Mess" of Great Reader KIM Jong IL:
Greetings Heathens! Have I'm got some news for ewes!!!
Kanani of The Kitchen Dispatch and the good people at Ranger Up have pushed the Great Reader KIM Jong IL to new heights of physical fitness! It came in the shape of a hard fought contest but KIM Jong IL's superiority complex separated the men from the toys in the World-Why-Web of well endowed military athletic supporters! I'm can't give U all the details of my massive victory in this battle of the bulged ones due to*DAAIWT! The Grand Prize was a date with Hillery Clinton (as seen kickin it in this video) or a T-shirt of my choosing. Like a Democrat on a new tax...I'm took the shirt! A nice one too, that later will be modeled by my #1 son, KIM Young Un! Thanks to the new work-it-out video by Ranger Up, Great Reader is strokin' it but not strokin' out. That is all.

Ruv You Looong Time,
Great Reader, KIM Jong IL
On the DMZ north of Bakersfield

(*DAAIWT= Don't ask and I'm won't tell)

KIM Jong IL on World Cup 2010

JG here trying to channel KIM Jong IL for his opinion on the on the World Cup but I seem to be receiving some interference...

Happy 235th Army!

Gina Elise reminds us that today is the US Army's 235th birthday!


It's Flag Day

Put your eyes back in your head and get those flags out, soldier!
Pictured is Gina Elise of Pin Ups for Vets. Have a beautiful day!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Shaking Hands with Obama

Pictured here is 89 year old Palestinian news correspondent, Helen Thomas, shaking hands with President Obama as she leaves the White House press briefing room for the last time.

Obama Sends Help to Gulf Coast!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ask KIM Jong IL: About Birds

Dear Great Reader-
My Face Book friend, Flag Gazer, tells me of this stray bird she found. I think it could be a Green Quaker Parrot. If so, how can I be sure?

Byrd D. Watcher
Chickenscat, Nebraska

Deer Chickenscat-

You are frum fly-over country and don't know of my simple test for birds???!!!
Oh well, let Great Reader clues you in! The answer is found using
"KIM Jong Il's Stray Bird Test".
...First off, you needs two average size cereal (or rice) bowls.
...Next, fill one with water and the other wiff oatsmeal.
...Now, note that if the bird goes diwreckedly to the water and starts to bobbing it's 'lil head under then you'll have your answer!
Your streamlined feathered stray friend is a Baptist...not a Quaker!!!

Great Birder
NKFC Franchise Owner
(Norf Korean Fried Chicken)

P.M.S. Be careful of any stray birds who knock on your door!!! Could be a census taker or worse...a Jehovah's Witness!!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Bamboo Floors 'N Stuff

Finally I'm posting a couple of pictures of the "blamboo" floors in our "Imperial Palace". Left- Elvis inspects floor of the bar area. Note B-B-Q built into fireplace. It's a bar you can cook at! Right- view from front entry looking into formal living room and down the hall.

Our house was decorated by a combination of influences from Elvis, Koreans (North and South), Austin Powers, Rip Taylor, Chubby Checker, Johnny Yune, Jonathan Winters, Batman, and Jackie Chan. Hope you approve! Now on to stuff...our son graduated from 8th grade on Friday and took off yesterday for NYC to see "Phantom of the Grand ole Oprah" on Broadway, Ground Zero, and stupid Wall Street. Later he and his school group go on to Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Obamaville (DC), and Colonial Williamsburg. Hope my boy ain't too busy texting to see some of the sights....frickin teenagers! All is good out here. Hoping the best for all of you. Remember that Great Reader RUV's you all VERY LOOONG TIME!!!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

66 Years Ago

God bless our WWII Veterans and their families.
(Thanks to Gun Nutt for the reminder)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Umpire Jim Joyce Called to White House

This from AP...

"DETROIT (AP) - Armando Galarraga bitterly sipped a beer minutes after he almost pitched a perfect game, lashing out at first base umpire Jim Joyce for blowing a call that negated his place in baseball history."

This just in from White House Press Secretary Baghdad Bob Gibbs...

Jim Joyce has just been announced as Gulf Coast Oil Spill Czar by
President Barack Hussein Obama!!!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

KIM Jong IL is Fair & Balanced

Meanwhile somewhere south of WalMart's mass producer of "Tainted Chinese Chicken Treats for Chihuahuas", Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, takes time out from his bidgee (Korean speak for busy) day to surf the web for the latest news...

KIM: Let's see...hmmm....I'm go and crick (click) on favorites tab... now I'm cricks on Matts Drudge Leeport...

WANG- What's up, Great Reader?

KIM: Nuffin much, General Wang. Just checking the news. Let's see...

OBAMA... has professors talk and theorize about the Gulf Coast
oil leak while BP's saw is stuck on stupid.

TURKISH 9/11!!! Peace loving knife wielding Turkish Chef's Cruise & Convention crashed for no reason by evil Special Op's Jewish Pirates.
Nine "Islam is a Religion of Peace" protesters murdered by Israeli infidels! World demands apology for Israel's horrindous actions NOW!!!

UNITED NATIONS... to send Great Reader,KIM Jong Il, a letter of reprimand for torpedoing a South Korean sub and killing
46 R.O.K. sailors. Obama and Hillery cool with that.

WANG- Some interesting headlines there, Sir.

KIM- It's all about being fair and balanced! I'm just ruvs the
main steam media.

(hat tip to Steve Frey for the inspiration)