Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day

Remember them. Honor them. Teach those who are ignorant of the sacrifice they made for us all. Please pray for those missing their loved ones, friends, and fellow warriors. God bless our troops and their families.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Obama to Lay Wreath

President Obama today announced he would take time out of his busy vacation schedule to lay a wreath at "The Tomb of the Childhood Actor".

RIP Gary Coleman.
That is all.

Obama Sings "If I Only Had a Brain"

(from The Wizard of Oz, a JihadGene rewrite)

I could while away the hours, shaking hands with punks in power
...screw that maverick...John McCain.
And my butt I'd be scratchin' while
Iranian nukes be busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd write a no-nuke riddle for any individ'le
In Pyongyang or Khomein.
With the thoughts I am thinkin'
I could be a Kenyan Lincoln
If I only had a brain.
Oh, I could tell you why B.P.'s a bunch of Hoe's.
I could think of things Mao never thunk befoe.
Then I'd vacation and think some moe.
I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'
Like Biden... the hair-plugged schmo!
I would golf and be merry, while the Gulf Coast sucked oily dingle-berries,
If I only had a brain.

Friday, May 28, 2010

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

This song takes me back to Schofield Barracks, Hawaii in the summer of 1974. Soon I was shipping out from there to Korea, where I would meet the love of my life. I volunteered to go instead of sitting on that stupid island for another year. There was a USO Show. It was the Cornelius Brothers. I was there in the audience, as a Specialist 4th Class, at the ripe old age of 19 when I heard them preforming this song. For me, it really was "Too Late to Turn Back Now". It was a good time for me, one of excitement, as I was soon to head off for a new land and new adventures. Korea was a life-changer for me. A good life-changer. God bless our troops. their families, and the USO. It's Friday! Let's dance!!!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Father-Daughter Conversation Obama Style

Meanwhile somewhere within the White House we find President Barack Whosenamed Obama having a 7:00 AM conversation with one of his daughters...

DAUGHTER: Daddy...have you plugged that leak in the Gulf of Mexicans yet?

OBAMA: Don't get all wee-wee'd up, Sweetie! Daddy took care of it.

DAUGHTER: Daddy, how did you do that? Did you use that heavy mud stuff?

OBAMA: Well, I had a teachable moment with the Army CORPSE of Engineers and we
went another route.

DAUGHTER: So Daddy...did you use Joe "Plugs" Biden like I suggested?

OBAMA: Bingo!

Friday, May 21, 2010

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Heading up north to Sacramento this morning for my niece's college graduation (a masters degree in business administration, no less). So here's a song in honor of my doing a very long and boring drive along the I-5 freeway. My niece is totally worth it but the drive sucks. It's Friday! Let's stay awake out there and dance while we drive way above Fifty-Five!!!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Japan Invents Rice Bra!

I can't get this story off of my mind. No longer will you hear Japanese men complain..."Oh no! Rice again for dinner?!" Will one of the most popular names for a Japanese newborn girl be "Paddy"? This story has gotten me thinking...just can't get my mind off of it. It's day 2 since the story broke...I look at my lovely wife's chest and smile a secret smile. Soon I'll go to the grocer and do my best to avert my eyes should I accidentally bump into a brazenly displayed box of Rice-A-Roni. While I'm out, I think I'll rent the movie
"Rice Girl"!

It's hell being a man.

Friday, May 14, 2010

It's Friday! Let's Dance with Obama!!!

This video is all Kenyan-American, it is! Got the President, a Blackberry, John McCain, and Elvis! It hardly gets more American than that...well...other than my Elvis bathroom.
It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

KIM Jong IL Awards Courageous Restraint Medal

Great Reader KIM Jong IL announces recipients of Norf Korea's *Courageous Restraint Award!

They are the U.N. (with clusters!) and...for now, anyway... Israel.

Many of you, my Dear Readers, are on the standby list of award winners for not choking out your local Congressman or woman. Senators too! Congratulations. JG ;)

*Read "Hold Fire, Earn a Medal" at Military Times.

(Hat tip to CRUSH at BlackFive)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Uncle Jimbo Inspires Song

That's right friends, BlackFive's Uncle Jimbo has inspired me yet again!
See "McCain's New Add" at BlackFive.

And now our very own US Senator, John McCain (Mav-DC) sings for you...

(*an Elvis hit and a JihadGene re-write)

Memories pressed between the ass cheeks of my mind

Memories, beaten by an amnesty bill... so now I'll whine

Quietly Mexicans come floating into Tucson town

And reek all kinds of havoc on US ground

Like a Blue Dog Democrat at Pelosi's feet

Now I bark at illegals and burst into their asses,

like I'm neat!!!


...hope you have no sour memories...

sour memories (of me).

Of holding hands with Lindsay Graham those days

and we were like Hendrix stoned on Purple Haze...

and Philippine girls with simple ways

wild ass'd nights in Subic Bay...Yooo Whooo!!!

Memories pressed between the ass cheeks of my mind

Memories, beaten by an amnesty bill... so now I'll whine

Lost the election and now I've got the blues


I took Palin down that dirt road but I don't mind.


Conservatives need no stinking Memories!

Damn their memories!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

KIM Jong IL on Blue Dog Democrats

Meanwhile...somewhere north of the 38th Parallel we find Great Reader, KIM Jong IL in the DPRK's very own SillyCone Valley on an inspection tour of his newest internet inspired brainstorm, called "Gluegull".

KIM: Well, what do's you tink, General Wang?

WANG- Sir, the Americans have something that sounds just like this, it's called

KIM- I'm knows that...but "Gluegull" is Norf Korean and was here looong time
befloor American-copycatting-company, Google!

WANG- As you say, Great One...but what does Gluegull do?

KIM- It's an Americran Engrish code breaker!!! It's a slooper-dooper slurch engine!
It's very John Tesh!!!

WANG- A super-duper search engine, I understand, Sir...but John Tesh?

KIM- Slorry...I'm meant high tech.

WANG- Oh. Got'cha, Sir. me what it can do, please.

KIM- Here, now using this computer, we are on Homie's page of Gluegull! Got that?

WANG- I'm right with ya, Great Reader-Sir!

KIM- So now type in the Americran code "BLUE DOG DEMOCRATS".

WANG- Sir! Now it came up with a reference to... "Kimmipedia"?

KIM- Eggsackly! Now, not to worry, now "crick" on hot link to find answer.

WANG- Clicking on link, Sir!

KIM- Now what that tell you?

WANG- It says... "Blue Dog Democrats such as Congressman Jim Costa
vote the way Madame Imperial Speaker of the House, Nancy, tells them to.
They are known as 'Pelosi's Poodles'!!!"

KIM & WANG- BWAHAHAHAhahahaaa!!!!

WANG- It works like a charm, Sir!

KIM- Toad you! Now for some real laughs, type in "Al Sharpton" and "immigration".


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

What's Going On?

So here's what's going on. I have begun many posts but just can't get it together. I often begin to post then delete it. It's not funny enough or kind'a not quite right. My writing karma is on the kaput side but I will drive on and get through this post! Oh well, let me bore you with life here...The approx 2450 square feet of "Blamboo" floors are all done! I swear to Buddha I'll post a few pics! It came out pretty okay if I do say so myself! My elder sister-in-law just flew back to S. Korea yesterday after thoroughly spoiling us with 3 weeks of her wonderful cooking and house cleaning skills! She is home safe and sound and I have the cleanest house in California, thanks to her. She also makes the best Korean foods you've ever eaten! God I miss her already! Anyhow...I wish a bus load of tourists would show up for a tour of the place while the house is so very looong-time clean. That is, before it turns back into a pumpkin or it's usual dusty self. Hell, my wonderful sister-in-law even dusted off all my Elvis memorabilia in the "Elvis Bathroom"! What a woman!!! Yes, we really do have an "Elvis Bathroom" done in Viva Las Vegas gold and white. The E bathroom has two small chandeliers hooked up to a dimmer switch for mood lighting (I guess) while you poop. We are shipping our son the 8th grader out to Washington DC, Philadelphia, and maybe Fresno (nyuk-nyuk) for a historical tour. The wife (my very own Iron Empress) considers this is money well spent. Hmmm? I doubt he will learn much or see much, though... because he's sooo damn busy texting some of his shit-head friends and listening to his stupid Ipod. I'm a Dad so let me rant, please. Oh well, that's teenagers for ya. Let's see...also this month...I have a niece, in Sacramento, graduating from college! The son and I will go up there for her graduation. She receives her Masters in mathematics (of all things)! I still can't believe she did it even though she's directly related to me and does not have even one drop of Korean blood in her veins. Well, that's about it for now. Hope all is well with you and yours. Please keep our troops and their families in your prayers. Soldiers Angels needs some money, so help 'em if ya can!
Ruv You All Very LOOONG Time,
JG & Family

Saturday, May 1, 2010

It's Soldier Saturday! Let's Dance!!!

Soldiers, Saturday, and Lady GaGa. It don't get no better than that!!!

(I found it on BLACKFIVE! Best Milblog ev'ah!!!)