Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Miss you looong time, Soupy!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Pyongyang Peggy here with another Norf Korean web-radio broadcast to all you lonely US Army G.I.'s in Iraq named Kevin. Kev, it is with the utmost sorrow that I must publish the following photo of Miss Ewe Luv Dolly of Madison, Wisconsin. That's right G.I. Kev...your Miss Dolly has jumped the fence and been reported partying with some blue-eyed round-eyed infidels in the "Volunteer to Show Me What You Got State" of Tennessee with the likes of a mother named Teresa and some Straight White Guy! She likes bloggers looong time, Kev. There's no way around it. She is one of ours, Kev. A wocket scientist for Norf Korea! Ewe has discarded you! Ewe are less than nothing! Poo on Ewe!
Here's a picture of her clackin' one off randomly at some FOB in Iraq just yesterday ...
Now Kevin, I know you must be hurt, but for the good of the axis of evil and for Barbara Boxer's reelection in 2010... join forces with Great Reader KIM Jong IL! Just throw down any weapons you haven't already dropped (like your 240B machine gun) and register as a Democrat! On second thought, it would be much better to give a donation to Project Valour-IT for those hideous flight-line-losers on TEAM AIR FORCE! Maybe you have a thing for Somali pirate women, no? Then perhaps TEAM NAVY is your cup of tea! If you're a fan of no frills latrines then TEAM MARINES would be a good match for you! If you want to be a winner, then you just stick with TEAM ARMY. I know this news about Dolly will leave you feeling like an empty and shallow person but according to Uncle Jimblow of BLACKFIVE and Tankerbabe, you already are one. Enjoy you tour of duty looong time, Kev!!!! That is all.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
KIM- What?! I'm kraygee (Korean 4 crazy)? BWAHAHAHA!!!! General Wang, come crick!
WANG- Coming quickly, Sir! What's wrong?
KIM- Look at cumpooter. See this artickle by Rooters? (HERE)
WANG- It's Reuters, Sir...but yes...it's titled "Why it's sane for Kim Jong Il to be crazy".
KIM- Did you knows it ownree takes 33 minutes for an ICBM from Norf Korea to hit America?
WANG- Only 33 minutes, Sir?
KIM- 33 minutes.
WANG- So you are crazy while Obama cuts missile defense and gets a Nobel Peace Prize?
KIM- (looking really nuts)
...33 minutes, General Wang... 33 minutes...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
NUMBA #1 TEAM ARMY
*Team Army is the best in whole world and Great Reader, KIM Jong IL's, fav-O-rite, looong time!!!
NUMBA#4 TEAM AIR FORCE
*The number 4 in Korea is considered a bad numba. Perfect for these Department of Defense pork dollar powered heathens!
NUMBA #8 TEAM NAVY
*These guys are numba 4 times 2! Perfect for those who are fond of Spongebrob Squareplants!
NUMBA 10! TEAM MARINES
*They are Marines....no explanation needed. "Semper Fi" on that, Jarheads!
*The competition runs today through November 11th (Veteran's Day) and give to whichever team your heart belongs to. It can be a little bit... or a SCUD-LOAD! It's up to you...but please give something as it will be doing much good. Good begets good. It really does.
It's no secret that I am no big fan of change. The older I get...oh well...the older I get, I guess. I get my meds where we buy groceries most often and close to home. Now when you phone in for your medication they have a new and improved automated system...here's my e-mail to the SaveMart Grocery Store Company Headquarters of Lake Pissmeoff, California...
"The new system of calling in for a prescription is really a big pain. The old way was better. If the new system understood the words "you suck" I would not have to e-mail you. I don't dare call as the new system either can't understand my English or if my timing is off when I say the words yes, no, or go to hell. WTF? Whoever came up with the new and improved system of prescription handling should be made the next Presidential Phone Call Czar. Don't call my house as I would only do my very best to piss you off the way your new telephonic prescription refill system does me."
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
KIM Jong IL went down to VEGAS, he was looking for COMMANDER SALAMANDER or sum NAVY SEALS.
BLACK FIVE was in a bind 'cuz TOBY and BOUHAMMER WATCHED HIM WAY LOOONG TIME!!!
BOSTON MAGGIE was TRADING TWITTAH's, to make a deal.
GREAT READER came across LAUGHING WOLF, FIDD'LIN ON A COMPUTER and playin' WITH WIRES hot.
THEN CHUCK ZEIGENFUS jumped upon C.J. GRISHAM (who ain't NO CHUMP) and said: "Boy let me tell you what:
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a STAR TREK VULCAN too.
"And if you'd care to take TAMMY MUNSON's dare, I'll FIND AN INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR (code for Hooker) for you.
"Now you FLY a pretty good PLANE, MR WOLF, but give DELTA WHISKEY her due:
"I bet BARMY MAMA against the Dalai Lama, 'cuz I think LTC ARATA and MAJ. COSENTINO are better than you."
The gal said: "My name's Mrs BOUHAMMER and it might be a sin,
"But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cuz I'm the best DANCER that's ever been."
UNCLE JIMBLOW you GET UP OFF YUR ASS...QUIT playin' your fiddle hard.
'Cuz KIM JONG IL's broke loose in Neveda and THE KITCHEN DISPATCH deals it hard.
And if you win you get these shiny SOLDIER's ANGELS WINGS made of gold.
But if you lose, KANANI's daughter gets a round-trip ticket to SEOUL.
TCOVERRIDE opened up his case and he said: "I'll start this show."
And fire flew from HIS GIMLET LIPS as HE SPIED FOR A BRIDE, down the casino's road.
And he pulled THIS BRIDE across his TABLE and only gave her a LOUSY KISS. (a clean peck)
Then the pair of GREYHAWK HEATHENS joined in and it sounded something like this.
When the Major finished, JihadGene said: "Well, that's pretty piss-poor, son."
"But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how its done."
Fire off some WOCKETS, wun boys, wun!!!
The GREAT READER's in the house of Elvis, son!!!
Chicken with some ginseng and pickin' my nose!!!
"KIMMY, does your dog bite?"
"No, child, no!!!"
Then That 1 GUY bowed his head because he rode his Harley there, truly beat.
JihadGene bows down in honor at that tired bikers feet.
AND WE ALL said: "UNCLE JIMBO and KEV just come on over if you ever want to WALK again.
"I told you once...my TANKER-OF-A-BABE and TAMMI my friend,
You missed the greatest party that's ever been!!!"
And they sang some AC/DC... run boys, run!!!
The B-FIVE CREW's in the house of ALL NIGHT FUN!!!
CHUCK's gonna be blowing chunks... I just know!!!
"Say baby, aren't you an independent contractor?"
"No, child, no!!!"
*Sorry to those I'm missed or dissed! I had the time of my life!!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
(*hat tip to Mongo of Mongo's Montreaux who I ripped this off from!)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Let's play word association!
This is for Pam over at Pamibe! What's yours, huh?
1. My treat:: What Obama says when he gives away my money
2. Bell :: A lady named Ma who has ripped me off like Obama, but not so much.
3. Five :: As in a 5 finger discount...what the IRS does to my profits.
4. You’re crazy :: Well, no shit, Sherlock!!! Works for me and Joe Biden!
5. Disgust :: Having an old shithead named McCain run as your Republican choice for President!
6. Tempest :: An old used car like the one Obama is trying to sell us in the form of health care.
7. Bummer :: Smoking some "Primo" dope on Sunset Beach with a prick named Barack and then seeing his old lady (Michelle) in a bikini.
8. Brim :: A Barack rim-job.
9. Hose :: As in hosed-down. Why are all these words about our government and it's leaders?
10. Lollipop :: Date night with Barney Frank.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I've been putting in many hours at our shop lately and my visits to other blogs have been few and far between. Sorry about that. I know you'll understand, though... as I not only have to work in our shop but inspect the guards at shift change then issue weapons, tasers, and CS gas. Later I have to put more chlorine in the moat and feed the alligators. The Doberman's can wait...I like 'em to be hungry. You understand how it is, don't you? Anyways... I showed her how some of you wished her well and that brought out her lovely smile (underneath the blindfold) looong time! Thanks, el mucho, for that. I think the hardest part of her being sick is trying to keep her away from work. She's a very hard worker and I just want to say that our marriage is living proof that opposites do indeed...oooh, how should I say this? Oh yes...in quotation marks...
Ruv you all LOOONG time!!!
JihadGene & Kim
Friday, October 9, 2009
BAGHDAD BOB- Hello, all of you INFIDELS, and greetings from Fresno, California! Sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled Fox Nude's and Friends broadcast but I have breaking news, Praise Allah!!! It seems your ChiLite-Kenyan-Hawaiian leader...
Barack Saddamacornhussein Obama... has once again stolen an award from the grave of a dead man... No, not Al Gore!...I'm talking about Saddam Hussein! Even in death, Saddam Hussein is greater than your American Great Grandma of a Satan, Nancy Pelosi! If anyone should have received the Nobel Peace Prize it should have been...
KANYE WEST- 'Scuse me for interrupting, Muh-Fugger...but wiff out a doubt, Beyonce is the best Nobel Piece Prize Winner of all time, e'va! Speakin of winners...here's former Green Jobs Czar, Van Jones...
VAN JONES- Assholes!!!
WALTER CRONKITE- And that's the way it is, on JihadGene's television. We now return you to our normally scheduled program "John Kerry, Hero of North Vietnam" starring Paul Lynde.
My channeler, JihadGene, has been a very busy G.I. this week. His wife (the ruvly Kim) be sick with the South Korean CRUD (flu). Him so sorry for not knowing what day it was. Hey! That reminds KIM Jong IL of a song! Enjoy and dance with the Great Reader KIM Jong IL to The Spiral Staircase doing "I Ruv You More LOOONG-TIME Today than Yesterday" and remlember...Great Reader ruv's you LOOONG time!!! Leave a song in comments if you wants.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
For fine food photos and some insight into his life and opinions... I visit Buffalodick over at Opinions & Rectums, We All Got One! Buffalodick's latest comment was on his Dutch lineage. So "I" am therefore inspired by Buffalodick to share with you the following conversation with my wife, the lovely Kim...
ME- (I state innocently) Honey, you are Korean.
KIM-(she responds like a suspicious cat) Yes.
ME- (trying to maintain an innocent tone) Well, Dear...I know how Koreans are and I was...
KIM- (stated softly with missile launching eyes locked on target/me) You do?
ME- (verbally kissing ass) Well, I mean... I know how Koreans value their families and honor their elders and all... but I do clown them (rightfully, I tell myself) occasionally for some of their actions, like when they nut-up over sports, or most anything in life generally speaking, but...
KIM- (stated clearly with eyes locked on target JihadGene) But? But what? You gonna say you love me LOOONG time like you say in your crazy brog and make fun of how I'm speak sometimes?
ME- (clearly sweating, though the weather is cool) Well, thanks for putting up with me, Hun.
KIM- (now in Korean Professor mode) Now let's rook at you.
ME- (cautiously) Yes?
KIM- (now in lawyer mode) You are born of Texans with ancestors from Germany and Scotland, are you not?
ME- (getting defensive) Well, yeah... but I don't see where you're going with this, Dear.
KIM- (smiling like a used car salesman) Well, let me do a racial profiling of you. Is that not fair?
ME- (sounding like a sucker for a used car) Yeah, I guess so...
KIM- (back in lawyer/professor mode) You are part Scotch, German, and Texan...
ME- (interrupting) OK-OK! So what does that make me?
KIM- (sounding like my wife) You are therefore very capable of making anyone laugh, anyone angry, and are somehow still able to manage having a wife who loves you very much.
ME- (relieved and impressed) WOW! That was cool, Honey!
KIM- (in 3rd grade teacher mode) Do you know what the moral of this story is?
ME- (excited like a 3rd grader) But of course I do!
KIM- (like a Mom) And that is?
ME- Don't piss off a Korean! Especially your wife!!!
KIM- (like a Korean Taekwondo Master) Exactly, Grasshopper.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
INDIANAPOLIS – (October 5, 2009) – AllAmericanDirect.com, a leading e-commerce provider of consumer goods and services, today announces the company’s fourth and final Laptops for Flat Tops contest, which will award one laptop with an embedded Webcam (for the family) and an additional Webcam (for the soldier) to two families who have an immediate family member serving in any branch of the U.S. military overseas.
* Spread the word to any military families with a loved one deployed overseas. JG ;)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
KIM- Say what, General Wang?!
WANG- Great Reader, Sir...it's true. Chicago did not make it through the IOC's first cut. I verified it myself.
WANG- But I thought you'd be upset, Sir?! ...I mean, you did say you wanted to light the Olympic torch in Chicago come 2016, and...
KIM- (drying eyes) Hoe Wee Cow!!...(chuckle-chuckle)
WANG- So you're not upset, Great One?
KIM- (smiling) Hey...stuff happens. Quacks me up axed-U-Haul-Mohammad-Ali (actually). In fract this is good newz for Team KIM JONG IL 2016 !!!
WANG- Good news, Sir?! How so?
KIM- Just put yours-self in a pair of P.F. Fryers and think like a Norf Korean aff-fleet going to the 2016 O-rim-picks!
WANG- Okay, Sir. I have put on my P.F. Flyers and I am thinking like a North Korean athlete going to the Olympics...
KIM- Now, you wanna go into a fun city like Rio De Hootchiemammas4dinero? Orr wood you rather maybe stay in that gulag-dung-heap-of-a-city called Chicago, for a few weeks?
WANG- OMG! I should have seen that immediately, Great Reader! I'm sorry, Sir. But...
KIM- But what?
WANG- Sir, but what was so funny?
KIM- That? Oh...you must'a caught me while I was watching The 3 Stooges gettin' blitch-slapped on CNN.
WANG- I should have known.
KIM- Now, let's see if Tehran and Kabul can make it through the 2nd cut!
WANG- Very good, Sir.
Friday, October 2, 2009
To my lovely wife Kim-
Your love is like a burning fire...deep down in my soul. I love you forever.
To all you Great Readers out there-
Dance with the wife and I. It's Friday. Hold on tightly to those you love and dance with them.
Today we dance to Arthur Conley singing "Burning Fire". If you have a good love song... or ...just a fun song... please stop by and leave a link in comments. Have a great weekend! Let's dance.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
KIM- Holy, Ho Chi Minh! General Wang! Come quick !
WANG- Right here, your Greatness. What's up, Sir?
KIM- (pointing) Look at picture on cumpooter screen! Emplire Steak Building on fire! Just like 1974 movie, The Inferno Towering!
WANG- No, Great One...that is no Towering Inferno. Those are lights. It looks like the city of New York is paying tribute to the Red Chinese!
KIM- They pay?! How much?
WANG- No, Great Reader...I mean they pay respect to the Red Chinese by lighting the Empire State Building with red and yellow lights commemorating the 60th anniversary of...of...
KIM- Of what?
KIM- Of what? Come on now...out wiff it, General Wang... spit it out!
WANG- The founding of the People's Republic of China.
KIM- BLINGO!!! And for bogus points, who helped Great Reader's Daddy, KIM IL Sung, by killing many Souf Koreans, Americans, and UN forces in the Korean War less than 60 years ago?
WANG- The People's Republic of China.
KIM- See? I told you I'm gonna light the Olympic torch in Chicago, come 2016.
WANG- Apparently so.
KIM- HOPE and CHANGE, baby!!!
WANG- Well...CHANGE it certainly is.