Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Forgot What She Looks Like!

I have been working at our California urban-wear/Mom-n-Pop clothing store (Fashion Thug) so much lately that I have forgotten what my wife looks like. She's been away with our son in Korea for 1,000 years or maybe it was only two weeks... but I can't recall. Perhaps this picture I found on Al Gore's invention called "the internet" best resembles her. Either that or I need a day off.

Friday, June 26, 2009

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

Well, I had last Sunday off but not this Sunday. My lovely wife and my son are in Korea still. I gotta work at our clothing store... Fashion Thug. I work for my baby. I work my hands to the bone. I'll be a seven day fool for my wife anytime. She's worth it. She must have some kind of a Korean spell on my rear-end...maybe? A spell of RUV , no less! I really do love them...my Kim and Ben. So while I work, I'll dance. I'll dance looong time! Dance with me now to the talented Jully Black singing "Seven Day Fool". For the music video you have to click HERE.
If you got a dance tune leave it in comments and I'll do a drive-by/dance-by. Let's dance!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Welcome Back to Fashion Thug


ME: Hello there young lady... and welcome to Fashion Thug!

LADY: Yo, Dude. Got anything to make my ass look bigger?


(*me and employee's)

ME: Bigger than that?!.. er...yes...right here! What-da-ya-think?

LADY: Hell naw! Muh-fuggin G string ain't even cuttin' it!

ME: Well, have you considered the "Booty Booster"?

LADY: Booty Booster? You shittin' me?!

ME: I shit you not... Oh, Most Bodacious One.

LADY: Come on with it!

ME: Here. What do you think?

LADY: WooWee...I be lookin' like a Oprah Winfrey!

ME: Is that good?

LADY: Hell yeah...that's good, you dumb ass cracker!

ME: Will that be cash, charge, or debit?

LADY: Check.

ME: We don't accept personal checks.

LADY: Shit!

ME: (*I want to get the hell outta here)

KIM Jong IL Writes Love Song

Hey folks! JihadGene here...the channel'er of Great Reader KIM Jong IL and current bachelor who's been living a lot on fast food lately. I had this weird dream about KIM Jong IL & Michelle Obama last night after eating Taco Bell take out...otherwise known as ebola edibles. Anyway, Great Reader KIM JONG IL has written a love song dedicated to MICHELLE OBAMA sung to the tune of the Bruce Springsteen hit called "Fire".
I'm chauffeured in my car, I turn on the waydio (radio)
I'm pull-wing you closer, you just say no
You say you don't rike it, but I'm knows you are liar
`cause when you diss me, my wockets fi-re!

Late at night I'm calls Obama on da phone
I say I'm wanna tawk... him say no one home
Him say you don't ruv me, you cant hide your desire
`cause when I'm sees you pickin' lettuce, Oooo...fire!

Your $540 tennis shoes had a hold on me, right from the start
A grip so tight... all I'm could do was fart (*thanks Taco Bell)
My nerves all jumping actin' like an Acorn fool
While Barry burns tax dollars, your heart stays cool

Well...Barney Fwank and Fweddy Mac... GM She (GMC) and Cry-slur (Chrysler)
Maybee you can bet their love they didn't deny
Your words say split but your words they be liar
`cause when Michelle I'm kiss, all my wockets FIRE!!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Father's Day After-Action Report

I got Father's Day off! After church I came home to the History Channel and Band of Brothers. My dogs watched it (napped) with me. I had the remote control all to myself...OH YEAH! No stupid WWE wrestling...no stupid Korean soap opera. It was just me, the dogs, and WWII history. Loved it looong time! The New York-New York steaks were seasoned just right, with a special rub and a little olive oil. The steaks were grilled, corn was on the cob, salad was salady, baked beans were beanie, and the beer was COLD! I talked to the wife and son in Korea. They were having good fun there and that made me very happy to hear. In short... it was a great day. I miss them and I want them back right away... but I hope they're gone and out having fun next Father's Day. I'll tough it out somehow. My dogs loved the steak and corn on the cob, but never-again will I let them near the baked beans.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Welcome to Fashion Thug

Just another day at work in my clothing store:

ME- Hello, young man and welcome to Fashion Thug!

KID- Whazzup, Dude.

ME- Can I help you find something today?

KID- A Lakers flag for my ride.

ME- Right here. Anything else?

KID- Some purple Dickies shorts and a can of purple spray paint.

ME- We don't sell spray paint here at Fashion Thug, but I do sell purple bandanna's, Dickies, and Doo-Rags.

KID- That's right. Got any any gasoline and empty bottles?

ME- Nope. Sorry.

KID- It's all good. Any 9mm ammo?

ME- Nope, you'll have to go to Walmart for that....
Sooo...the L.A. Lakers won the Stanley Cup at the Masters Tournament, eh?

KID- That's right. (pays and begins to leave)

ME- Well, thanks for shopping at Fashion Thug!

KID- Later, Big Boss Man.

ME- Later, Dawg.

(*Thanks to oddybobo for the Stanley Cup inspiration)

It's Friday...I'll Dance

Kids are amazing. Gosh, how I miss my son. Ben is growing so fast! Wish I could slow down time. In South Korea, Kim is taking him to see the orphanage and hospital where he was born. He wanted that. Kim is taking him to see his foster mother too. Ben wanted this...he's growing up and it forces Kim (my wife) to face adoption issues/taboos in Korea. While her family is cool with it...Korea, as a whole, is not. It is a disgrace to have a child out of wedlock. I thank God every single day for Ben's birth mother not having had an abortion. Though I am not the birth father, Ben is my son. I'm his Dad. It's simple in our eyes, though life and many customs of the Korean people aren't. He will have to wait to contact his birth mother. Now is not the time for that due to custom. It would be a disgrace for her to acknowledge Ben at this time. This sucks, however our Ben is fortunate. We have a names! We have the names of birth mother and father. When Ben is a young man it will be time for him to pursue this. While Korean culture holds him back... it binds us. Unlike many Korean children adopted by Americans, Ben is lucky. Kim is Korean. I am American. He tastes both worlds and for that I'm very grateful. Ben will tell you straight-up he's an American with (my) Texas and his Mom's Korean roots. Gosh I miss him. He's an amazing 13 year old whose violin practicing and iPod music playing rear-end I surely miss. So it's an empty house Friday for me, here in California, but I have found a song, not so much for dancing to, as much as for listening to. Here's an amazing 11 year old South Korean kid named Jung, Sung Ha playing "Right Here Waiting for You" on the guitar. Enjoy your Friday! Dance is optional today. JG

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Rest In Peace SFC Kevin Dupont

On June 17th (Wednesday) US Army Platoon Sergeant, SFC Kevin Dupont, died from wounds received in combat (Afghanistan). He was a fighter and fought death for many weeks at Brooke Army Hospital, Fort Sam Houston. Our prayers continue for his wife Lisa, and all who loved, lived life, and served with him. God be with you.

(Article from BlackFive HERE.)

(Send condolences HERE.)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm So Lonesome I Could...

They left today. I love them. My wife, Kim, and my half red/half black belt son, Ben. Gone on that big shiny aluminum bird to South Korea. I know it's only gonna be 2 weeks but it sucks. Her Dad is too frail for travel. She may never see him again. My son will get to see the town he was born in and meet his foster-mother. Ben will hone his fighting skills using Tae Soo Do there. He wants to spar. He's good at his craft...so was Elvis. So what better way to express my love for them... using a fake Elvis singing and doing martial arts...than with this video? Prayers for their safe travels and my love follows them wherever they go. The song is in my heart. Let me feel a little sorry for myself today, please. Nothing is fake in my love for them. Nothing is sorry for loving them. Nothing. JG

Friday, June 12, 2009

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

Yes. It's Friday. I don't care how many times you or I have busted our heads open on life's closed doors this week...there's gonna be good times ahead. Open the door to your heart and let love come running in! Let it flow like a river! So here's Little Willie G with "Open the Door to Your Heart". I love my Kim looong time and she loves me...and hey... Great Reader ruv's you too! Open the door to your heart! Get outta those chairs and get those happy-feet of yours steppin'! It's Friday sooo...LET's DANCE!!!!
*If you have a great dance song please link it in comments (ruv you!)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Two Year Blog-O-Versary

A big looongtime "Happy Anniversary" for blogging 2 years goes out to Mr USA_Admiral of the brogg: In a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World! Go by and piss him off or wish him well! JG ;)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Love American vs Korean Style#17

In Part 1- I met the girl I would marry. Her name is Kim and RUV is in the air!!!
In Part 2- Spent all my money on a MASTER PLAN to set up a birthday party that would put me with Kim.
In Part 3- Stupid master plan FAILS!Kim gets puked on by drunk Birthday Boy. Kim leaves. I am miserable.
In Part 4- Korean Grandmothers (Shaman) take pity on me. We Kamikaze in a taxi to Kim's. Grandma's sitting on my lap crushing my huevos. I may never have children.
In Part 5- I survive the taxi ride. The Grandmothers tell me they will fix all. I must return to base. I can't beat the midnight curfew but I damn sure try.
In Part 6- Suicide ride on a bus bumper. Crash. Injuries and more. Concussion too! Police chase! Escape & Evade!
In Part 7- Climb a telephone pole. Steal a bike with one wheel. Make my Great Escape!
In Part 8- Ride bike into a Banjo-Ditch (sewage). Another concussion and a laceration on the forehead. I crawl out and am captured by the ROK Army, then returned to base.
In Part 9- Got stitches/medical treatment at 0130 hours. Later that AM, a meeting with Military Police 1SG Black Thunder Johnson. Made an Ambassador to South Korea. Run to Motor Pool for a jeep.
In Part 10- Bicycle recovered. I fall into the banjo ditch. 1SG YOON/1SG Johnson/Me and the Korean Grandfather have a Pow-wow. Intercultural relations rebuilt! Valuable lessons learned.
In Part 11- The First Sergeants have a meeting. I am cleaned up at a ROK Army wash point. We go to Kim's. I am OBAMA, to the Korean OPRAH's (Grandmothers). I SEE KIM! We are returning to base.
In Part 12- I return to Camp with the First Sergeant's, jeep, and bicycle. My squad members, the house boys, and I/we all ponder MY fate. We break for chow (lunch). I opt for a nap and am awoken by my Squad leader SSG OLY. Intro to Staff Sergeant Oly (The Big "O") and the infamous Three Beeps! Time has come...I head for the orderly room.
In Part 13- I report to the orderly room. My fate is suspended until the next day when I must report back to the First Sergeant with my Squad Leader. I am re-directed to the unit supply room and meet Sergeant James Wheeler.
In Part#14- Learn about ambassadorship, love of life, Korean orphanages, and about giving from the US Army's Santa Claus, Sergeant Jimmy Wheeler.
In Part#15- I was to meet my fate. But what was it? I was reassigned and given a "Special Assignment". But what was it? I didn't know.
In Part#16- My "Special Assignment" was to ride shotgun on the trash truck going through our Army base. I banged my head on the truck's handrail and limply fell to the ground. With Kotex applied to my forehead I was taken to the Evac Hospital and returned to my unit.

And the saga continues....I was a Military Policeman and my new job (punishment really) was to stop pilfering on base via the garbage. I rode on the back of the garbage truck. I was to search it (garbage) before it was loaded onto the truck. It was a messy job and I was a mess. In going to my 1st stop, I saw my Commanding Officer, and was saluting him when the truck suddenly stopped. I banged my head on the hand rail, breaking open the stitches I had due to a previous injury...that was when I rode a stolen one-wheeled bicycle into a banjo ditch while trying to escape arrest by the KNP's (Korean National Police) for being out after midnight curfew. If this is all very confusing then go read previous installments of this tragically feel-my-pain story of love by clicking on the links above. This is a story of love... of pain...of more pain with more than just a few mercies thrown in. One of the most merciful of mercies was having a First Sergeant named B.T. Johnson.
1SG Johnson was known as "Black Thunder". A veteran of the Vietnam War... a couple of tours/times, with paratrooper wings, the Combat Infantryman's Badge, and a Drill Sergeant's patch, he was a bad-ass. Black Thunder was a huge man! A fit man. An intimidating looking man, with a bulbous nose, and very dark black face. He was one of the best sergeants an enlisted man, or officer, could ever hope for! He exuded professionalism, confidence, common sense, and most of all, human decency. Our M.P. unit motto back in Pusan, Korea 1975 was "As in Peace...As in War"...that was 1SG B.T. Johnson. He was like God...the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Fact: You never want to cross God nor 1SG Johnson. Anyway, I get my head busted open again for the second time, in as many days and nights. I then have a female M.P. staunch the bleeding with a Kotex held to my forehead, and am laughed at by the entire Korean and American population of Camp Hialeah, Korea in the month of March in the year of the "Feminine Hygiene Pad", nineteen hundred and seventy five.
After getting another set of new and improved stitches to my forehead, I was placed on bed-rest for 24 hours, in case I had a concussion. Why I was not treated that way the previous time? Only the Army Medics know. I returned to the barracks after dropping off my medical profile/sick slip to the Orderly Room. In the Orderly Room, I was met by 1SG Johnson who asked me if my Miss Kim was still worth all of this? Without hesitation I said,"Hell yeah, First Sergeant." Black Thunder smiled his big signature smile and said "If you have not succumbed to your wounds and are, by some great gift of the Almighty God...still alive in the morning...report back to your squad leader for MP duty. You are going back on the line." My face lit up and I replied with a loud, "Yes, First Sergeant." As I was about to leave 1SG Johnson's office, he told me in a conspiratorial tone of voice... looking me dead in the eyes, " I am pulling your pass for one week, only. Screw this up and you will succumb to the wounds that I will inflict upon your Government Issue (G.I.) ass. Not even the Korean Shaman Grandmothers Union will be able to save your butt from my wrath. Do you hear me, Specialist?" I replied, "Loud and clear, Top. Loud and clear." He smiled ever so slightly and said, "Good."
Wow! So that was it...only one week without a pass. No Article 15, no extra duty, no more garbage truck trauma and drama! There really is a God out there! Well...that or those Korean Grandma witches that I took the taxi ride with were working their magic in my direction. Whatever, I was off the hook! A born-again heathen was I!
While headed for the barracks I ran into my buddy, 22 year old PFC Huey P. LeDew (named after Huey P. Long) from Louisiana, who was married to a wonderful Korean lady (AKA: The Iron Empress)...who was friends with MY...well, not exactly yet... MY...Miss Kim. The short and stocky Huey P. LeDew told me...that his wife told him... that Miss Kim was worried about what would happen to me for breaking curfew and all. She was concerned about the injuries I sustained when I fell off the back bumper of the Pusan city bus at a speed of approximately 40 MPH (more or less) and when I later rode a hot (stolen) one-wheeled bicycle into an open ban-jo (sewage) ditch, thusly earning my way into the Korean-Schwinn Bicycle Hall of Fame. Holy cow! I saw the light! There was hope for even a sinner like me. Praise be to Allah, Buddha, Mohammad Ali, and my Commander in Chief...President Gerald R. Ford and the Korean Witches Union (Local #666)!!! I told Huey that God or them witches must surely be lookin' out for me! Huey said in his cajun-style voice, "You're just one unlucky sum-bitch...whose luck has just changed to good. That's all. Nothin' more than that. Period." Maybe Huey was right but I thanked the good Lord for bringing me such a red-necked bearer of good news anyways and I gave him a big hug right then and there! Huey, apparently not being the touchy-feely type, immediately turned beet-red and threatened to beat the holy-California-faggoty-coon-assed-shit outta me if I ever did that again! Though much smaller in stature than I... when in an enraged red-faced Cajun mode...the short and squat PFC Huey P. LeDew of Houma, Louisiana could kick many a bigger guy's ass. It reminded me of the time only 4 or 5 months previously when I had seen him in action against some drunk Marines down on Texas Street. It was like an Asian version of Cannery Row. Called Choerang-dong...or Texas Street, it was a very popular bar area that came complete with hookers, neon lights, drunken soldiers, Filipinos with butterfly knives, and other salty professional sailors from around the globe. All this and more, located together in beautiful downtown stinky Pusan, South Korea...out near the train station. Like I said, it was 4 or 5 months previously when some US Marines were on shore leave off of the LST Tarawa... or maybe it was the USS Shithead? Whatever. While on shore leave these shitheads...I mean, Marines.. wanted to celebrate their happiness by getting rip-snorting drunk and throwing empty beer bottles at us no good US Army MP's on duty. Why, how dare any punk-ass US Army MP's be anywhere's near a bar full of gung-ho US Marines?! Huey and I were out on the street when a barrage of O.B. beer bottles shot by our Company C 728th MP Bn helmet-linered heads. Like it says in the book of Proverbs..."As a dog returns to its vomit" so... "a Ragin' Cajun must go in and kick your ass"....or something like that. So my foot patrol partner, the enraged Huey, shot past me headed into a bunker full of our new-found enemies (US Marines)! It was the "Seven Seas Bar" where those damned Jarheads were but I more or less tackled Huey in the street and told him to wait till those bastards (some call 'em Marines) ran out of ammo/beer bottles, to throw at us. I blew my MP whistle summoning more MP foot patrols and Shore Patrol in the area to back us up. Huey reluctantly waited for back up but after a few seconds he became bored. Huey popped his head back in the doorway getting the Marines to throw more bottles at him yelling, "Give up, GOMER!" Those Marines must have had Cajun blood in their veins. They were up for it! They threw empty beer bottles, chairs, tables, pictures off the wall, flaming hot big lit-up boxes of Korean wooden matches, and anything that wasn't nailed down, at me and Huey! It looked like a Mexican Fiesta and Cock Fight Night at the local county fairgrounds! Huey, with a glint in his cajun eyes and chuckling to himself... said..."Gee. They seem a bit pissed-off." Then he yelled at them ..."One Navy squid could kick all of your asses!" Now it came. You heard of things boiling over? A tipping point? Yeah. That's what we had right here. Right now. Out there on Texas Street or Choerang-dong... or whatever ya wanted to call the place. It was a stew-pot of drunken anger and bravado! It busted-loose or boiled-over somewhere in between the Seoul Bar and the Anchor Bar. Marines were breaking bottles. Marines were throwing bottles. Marines were throwing punches. My junior patrol partner, PFC LeDew, was steadfast in his MP mission. Huey was breaking Marine Corps ribs and was the primary source for many a Marine's concussion. Eight Marines were eventually piled into an MP Van and taken back to their respective ship wearing the customary silver bracelets and the Red Badge of Stupidity (blood). I think we had interpersonal communications classes and proper use of force classes for the next three months of training because of what "PFC Huey P. LeDew vs The US Marine Corps" had done during the melee at Choerang-dong. Well whatever, that was Huey. His pretty wife was a jewel in a very hard-shelled way. They were a perfect match. They loved each other fiercely. It was a fact. Huey, quick to anger, was brought down to earth by the Iron Empress with only one look. I think many women have this quality...but she was refined in it. Mrs LeDew had a regal but not stuck-up personality. She commanded respect without a single word or gesture. She was very pretty. Korean soldier or American, we all liked Mrs LeDew and we all wondered why she married Huey. A lady with her own ideas. The one woman who could tame the lion in that ragin' cajun of an Army PFC named Huey. An Empress if ever there was one...Mrs Huey P. LeDew of Pusan, South Korea.
Now. Where was I? Oh...Huey gave me the best news I could ever have hoped for! His wife arranged a date for me, with Kim! It would be on April 1st, 1975. Our squad's day off with Huey and his wife as escorts/chaperons. As the luck of the gods or witches would have it, I was off restriction by then. It was on! A real live date with Miss Kim! It would be on a Tuesday, April 1st in the year of Amore (1975).
(to be continued)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Heads Up

Couple of things....June 6, 1944.

#1. Fly the flag today!

#2. I will post another Love American vs Korean Style tomorrow.

That is all...now please, FLY THE FLAG!

Friday, June 5, 2009

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

When I was a 20 year old soldier I wrote home to California and told my parents that I was going to marry the love of my life, the lovely Kim. This news from Korea was not given a warm reception back home. Not. at. all. My Kim was the kind of trouble I could get into. I was in the zone, baby! Back home Mom and Dad thought it was the zone, alright... The Danger Zone! So here's a song by Solomon Burke saying how I felt at that time, way back in 1975. It was when my Dad was not happy and waving me off from a marriage to the Korean girl I so very much was in love with. It's Friday and I LOVE HER LOOONG TIME!!! Let's dance!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Good News from Mosul

Want a good story from Mosul, Iraq? Take one crying school girl, a Lieutenant Colonel named Amin... and just add some heart!
Here's the story via Mongo Montreaux, titled...Studying and Hard Work Usually Pays Off...

You'll love it looong time!!!

KIM Jong IL's Muslim Roots...Clowns Kerry and Obama

Meanwhile somewhere in his PyongYang Palace, we find Great Reader KIM Jong IL, Dictator of Norf Korea, inspired to tell of his "Muslim roots" after seeing President Barack Hussein Obama on CNN (Commie Newz Network) in Egypt.

KIM- General Wang!

WANG- Right here, Great One!

KIM- Get Blic pen and paper for taking of dictation from Dicktator!

WANG- Got it and ready, Sir!

KIM- Deer Peoples of Eeejipped (Egypt)... Deer Peoples of Yeahman (Yemen)...Deer Peoples of Sleeria (Syria)...Deer Peoples of MichaelJORDAN, Deer Peoples of Slobby-Arabia, Deer Peoples of Stanthetalibanman, Deer Peoples of all the gay city-dwellers of Dogmaskus (Damascus), and Tehran (AKA: Deerborn, Michigan)...

You gettin' all this, Wang?

WANG- I'm right with you, Sir!

KIM- Good. Where was I....oh yeah... Deer sheep pornicating peoples of Iran...I'm KIM Jong IL...and I'm am sending you this O'fishwall Norf Korean letter so's you will not be empressed by the Great El Diablo, President Baalack Whose-Named Obama! He and his claim to have any and all connections with "you people" as a MooseLimb (Muslim), is all a bunch of DONG! Lend an ear and listen to the Great Reader's story...

I'm was born a poor black child.
(Wang fights back laughter as KIM gives Wang "the look") (Kim continues)
I'm was a little Jakarta street kid...NO! Make that a BIG PyongYang street thug....and I got into twubble more than one thousand times for making feces...NO!... Make that, making faces... during my Norf Korean-Koran study classes, at the KIM IL SUNG Wocket Scientist School and Mosque for Radicalized Losers. For mine actions I'm was water-boarded for more than 2 days. I'm holds mine breath for over 49 hours just to show those infidels who they were dealing with! Later I'm went out and golfed 11 hoe's in one! I'm one bad ass moe-foe, I am! Where was I? Oh yeah....later I'm was taken to a gulag where dogs was barking at me! There, I'm was force-fled Jimmy Dean's pure pork sausages while blindfolded! Later, during Ladies Night, I was featured in a nudie gulag porno pic! It's hell being a Mooselimb, I tell ya.
But on the bwight side...one of the prettiest sounds I'm ever heard on this here Planet Earf, was mine Father calling us to pwayer (prayer) , in Arabrick, at sunset...

WANG- Can you elaborate further, your Imamness?

KIM- Certainwee! At suns-set it would begin with the sound of an air-raid siren and my Daddy, KIM IL SUNG, would alert us with his battle cry!

WANG- Excuse me, Most Holy One. Battle cry, Sir?

KIM- Yes. Once the air-raid sirens sounded (wooden spoons on pots and pans) my Dad would yell his infamous battle cry of "HOLY SHIT"!!! Then... the air-raiding of villages, and the killing of civilians would begin! The young American soldiers would soon arrive and then be going into the homes of Norf Korean Mooselimbs in the dead of night... terrorizing children...and women like John Kerry...breaking historical and religious customs! Praise be to AhWah!!!

You getting all of this, General Wang?

WANG- Unfortunately, Sir.

(Hat-tip looong time to Pam for this piece)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

KIM Jong IL's Three Sons

There is talk of North Korea's Dear Leader, KIM Jong IL naming a successor to his dictatorship. A big thank you "looong time" goes out to the wonderful reader, Deltabravo, both for the head's up and for giving me the inspiration to write something on a day when I did not feel like writing.

Meanwhile somewhere north of those heathen South Koreans, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL, having some quality playtime with his sons...

GREAT READER (AKA: Michael Douglas)- Okray... My Three Sons! You all understands rules of game called WOK-PLAYER-SISTERS?

KIM JONG NAM (AKA: Mike, Age 38)- Father, you mean rock, paper, scissors! Does the winner get to go to Tokyo Disneyland?!

GREAT READER- No, you dumb ass! You out of game! You go now!!!

(Kim Jong Nam exits in disgrace)

GREAT READER- Okray, now we get down twos the knitty gwitty!

KIM JONG CHUL (AKA: Robbie, age 28)- Father, did you say Hello Kitty?! I sooo love, Hello Kitty!!!

GREAT READER- You have heart of girl.... You're OUT!!!

(Kim Jong Chul exits in disgrace)

GREAT READER- Well, KIM Jong Un...looks like it's down to just you and me. How about a game of Wok-Player-Sisters wiff your deer old Great Reader Dad?

KIM JONG UN (AKA: Chip, age 26)- Pop, I'd rather drink scotch and launch a few SCUDS.

GREAT READER- Son, you're a chip off the old brock!

KIM JONG UN- We got any menthol cigarettes, Pop?

GREAT READER- Check with General Wang!

KIM JONG UN- Uncle Wang-Bub!!! Get us some smokes right now!!!

WANG- ...no respect.

KIM JONG UN- What was that, Uncle Wang-Bub?

WANG- Nothing.... 'O Great... Attila-the-Son.

KIM JONG UN- I'm thought so.